Holiday Greetings to Family and Friends - Christmas 2005

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way? Well, not quite, but almost all the way.

This has been a whirlwind year for us and it seems like we just got through Easter when fat frozen turkeys started filling the freezer space at the local market. That tricky Father Time outdoes himself every year! All of you who are getting a little more mature like us will understand this perfectly. To those who are younger, this probably sounds more like a personal dilemma.

I have a somewhat simplistic theory about how this works. When you are born, you start a long journey uphill, striving for physical maturity, mental development, social acceptance and understanding of the world around you. Somewhere in mid-life there is a long and almost flat curve in time where work, personal accomplishments, family and friends (but especially work) carry you through the days with variable momentum, much like a film in slow motion with periods of fast forward. Retirement should be a gently sloping downward curve, but it has a surprising twist. It's like living on a plane where time takes a more circular and liquid form. The people and events inside your circle are entirely by choice for the first time in your life. If the circle is strong it sustains your vitality, and with the right attitude and good choices, grace and peace take the form of reality. Your struggle is less focused on forcing change in the world, but more on living in the world we have with dignity. God is there with you before your first breath, when you step through the bounds of your circle, and for eternity.

Sadly, there are losses and regrets along the way. In late July of this year, Bill's step mother passed away very suddenly. We also lost a dear friend from Bill's home town. They were both very significant in our lives and will be dearly missed. May God bless and keep them always.

Bill's nephew Adam is serving in Iraq as a helicopter pilot and we ask your prayers for him and for his wife and children at home. Our prayers include Adam, the cares and concerns of both of our families and those of our friends and church family. While there is not enough room to be specific about each person here, prayers are a strong and sustaining force of protection and assurance through Christ's mercy and we are thankful for yours.

There are also many joyous occasions. This year brought us several opportunities to travel. Instead of our usual routine of flying we chose several auto-excursions, many within our home-state of Texas. In late April we had the opportunity to spend ten days with Bill's cousin and his wife touring the hill country and parts south for wild flower and bird watching, visits to some beautiful state parks and a day on Galveston beach. We spent time in July and August visiting friends and family in Colorado and Kansas. This visit was a long one so we were able to plan visits to several of Bill's friends as well as my own and we had a spectacular time.

September brought us the opportunity to spend 3 days at Mo Ranch, a church retreat in Hunt, Texas. We have 4 regular trips to Houston during the year to see Bill's doctor for check-ups and we always plan fun activities around the appointments. Early in the year we visited my cousin in Shreveport, LA and we have a consistent flow of visitation between our house and my cousins' house in Richardson, Texas, just outside of Dallas. Mid-August we visited another cousin of mine in Strawn, Texas for the 1st ever reunion of the cousins from my mothers side of my family. We planned a trip to South Padre for late September, but this got side swiped by Hurricane Rita. Perhaps next year!

While our travel was restricted to the Southwest this year, we are hoping and planning for a trip of a few weeks to New England next year. To each of you in the Northeast, we miss you and love you dearly.

We were also blessed with many family visits. My eldest daughter and her husband came for Christmas last year, both ending and starting the year beautifully for us. They are coming back this year (hallelujah!), and this time they bring great news. My daughter is pregnant with their first child. I can't wait for the happy event! Bill's second cousin from Michigan visited us for a few days in the spring and shared some genealogy gaps with us. My youngest daughter, Carla and some friends came in early April and spent a full week just being lazy with us. My cousin's son Josh from Louisiana, now 21, flew here and spent 3 days with us. My sister Marilyn and her daughter Ashley spent their vacation in June with us and my cousin Carolyn and her husband Ed have taken the time and energy to come from Dallas several times to share in our lives and help with the tasks of making our new home beautiful and comfortable. We even had a visit from my high school friend Susan and her husband. I had not seen Susan since February of 1965. Many of my friends from high school have been in touch since we moved back to Texas.

As many of you know, we chose to spend Thanksgiving with Bill's father in Kansas this year. He is in an Assisted Living facility there, now living on the nursing care side since he requires more medical care than he did in the past. Joe is 96 and doing pretty well for his age. He has some short term memory problems and is now confined to a wheel chair most of the time, but he has a miraculous sense of humor and still has a lot of stories and songs to share with everyone. He was very glad to see us and (I think) just as relieved to see us go because he was tired after our visit.

Our church and our community are a large part of our lives when we are here at home and this year has been an exceptional one in that respect. Besides worshiping at the morning service at First Presbyterian Georgetown on Sundays and participating in Men's Fellowship and Rebekah Circle, we've had numerous opportunities to enjoy fellowship, bus trips and get-togethers with a great group called Active Christian Treasures. It's been a wonderful place to make new friends. Our neighborhood at Sun City also has regular monthly activities, such as a monthly potluck, and we participate as much as we possibly can. Other activities that we enjoy here are walking in our neighborhood and on the trails, swimming and the computer club. We're hoping to take even more advantage of the club and activity opportunities going forward. Health is a big focus for us (that age thing again!) so the fitness center would be a good target for more activity.

Statistics say you won't get this far in the letter, but if you do, this last paragraph is reserved for special blessings for you and yours. May this season be peaceful, full of faith and family and blessed with good times. May your senses be showered with the feelings, sights, sounds and tastes of the holiday season. May your gifts be all that you hoped for and more than you need. We send our hopes and joys to you for this season and every day that follows. We send our prayers for your sorrows and our wishes for your future.

God Bless and Keep You Till We Meet Again.

Love,


Bill and Paula

Christmas

Christmas

Christmas comes in packages thick and thin;
Carefully wrapped, engraved on a ring.
Christmas by the seaside listening to waves;
or spent by the fireside popping sweet corn.

Christmas with tinsel, bright lights and holly;
Children and bicycles, cookies and grins.
Christmas with empty seats at the table;
praying for loved ones, soldiers and friends.

Christmas day charged with high emotions;
love and good will mixed with poignant regret.
Christmas when it’s all that you can do;
to get through the day in your slippers and jams.

Christmas with memories of having less;
or Christmas’ past when things were simpler.
Christmas with secrets bound in bright paper;
sleep lost to play Santa to tow-headed tots.

Christmas when most of these things have gone by,
your greatest joy sharing the hope of others.
Christmas surrounded with voices of angels;
shouting hallelujahs for the birth of Christ.

No matter which Christmas has come your way;
honor the first and Christ’s celebrated birth.
Be comforted in spirit, in heart and in mind;
for the promise of Christmas is hope for us all.

Be thankful for blessings and count them twice;
pray for peace on earth and good will to men.
Christ brought us the gifts that fill our needs;
Forgiveness, love and eternal life.

Paula J. Roberts
copyright December 2005

Merry Christmas and Adapting to American Culture

The following post is a response to an article being passed around on the internet that is reported to have appeared originally in a “Tampa Newspaper”. I did a cursory search for the article with no results. Apparently, this would have been a letter to the editor. The author was upset over several things, including the recent hubbub about “Merry Christmas” being politically incorrect. I think the letter reflects correctly and sometimes unfortunately some of the ways Americans are thinking about the majority vs. the minority adapting to American Culture. I do not agree wholly with the author’s comments, and since this was sent to me by a family member, I felt compelled to reply but not to pass it on to my “A” list. I’d love to know what others think about this. The article is reprinted at the bottom of my post so that my own thoughts are not buried. The text has not been altered from the message I received by email; it is quoted in full.

Oh my darling daughter in law…you made me think again! Do you know how exhausting this is?

I disagree with the part about not caring about another persons’ culture. As unique as it is, American Culture is a hybrid concoction of world cultures. We also benefit from learning about the cultures and sensitivities of other peoples. I also think that it’s a travesty that Americans in general have not bothered to educate our people in the major languages of the world. That said; it is NOT our job to adapt America to each new-coming culture that touches our shores. If we chose to live and work in a different society anywhere else in the world, we would be expected to assimilate and I believe that it is a natural and reasonable expectation.

Freedom of religion has been taken out of context by extremists on all sides. I believe in freedom of religion. I believe that the intent of the statement in our constitution regarding freedom of religion and of speech is literal. The context is being skewed and re-skewed daily to suit the purposes of those that would limit the literal meaning. An individual living in this country should be able to practice their religion without persecution. It is also required that we respect others and allow them to do the same within the bounds of the laws of this land. It is not required that we change American civil law to accommodate minority or cultural views, including radical Christian views that would infringe on non-believers.

My personal political views run slightly to the left of center. I believe in the rights of both men and women to live freely on this earth within the implied laws of human decency and respect for each other. I believe that the written law of God and the laws of the land should work hand in hand to ensure the free will that God gave us. I believe that free will was intended as a tool for responsible decision making and purposeful, lawful behavior.

I am a Christian and Christ is my center. It is my hope and prayer for the world that Christian love will envelope and protect all humans on earth. Christ did not ask whether the people he encountered were “Christians”. Christ asked us simply to put the past behind and follow him. He did not seek out the perfect, the educated or those who were well off. He did not indicate a preference for denominations, languages, political interests, or skin color. He ministered equally to both men and women. He told those who were hungry for His word that following Him was a difficult path filled with doubt and persecution. He acknowledged that some would not follow, but He promised those who did believe in Him everlasting life and the kingdom of heaven. He asked his heavenly father, God to forgive us our sins. Even in His death, Christ was an advocate for all humanity.

There is an ancient line in the sand between believers and non-believers and sadly between those who believe in God, but differently. All wars can be traced to a great extent to this same ravine of mistrust, divisiveness, hatefulness, imposed religious and racial concepts, and lust for personal gain, territory and wealth. My fear is that if we continue to draw these lines in the sand in our own country and fail to fill them with the sands of understanding and enlightenment; all will be lost in this war.

Tying this all back to the original subject, which is adapting to the land you live in; I think Emma Lazarus “got it” when she wrote the famous poem that is quoted in part on the statue of liberty:

The New Colossus
By Emma Lazarus
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From herbeacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor, Your
huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

The first time I read this poem as a child, I knew what American meant to me. More importantly I had a sense of what it meant to others who are not so much like me. It’s a shame that the whole poem is not on the statue, because the full context takes on new meaning. “Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp.” implies to me that by entering these shores, a new and different life apart from the one that is left behind will greet the newcomer. It is a call to adapt and to become an American and a promise for acceptance and freedom for those who do.

God Bless America and Merry Christmas. May freedom ring always, and may the golden door be passed with an open heart by all who enter. May God and our armed forces protect us from harm by those who enter maliciously.

Paula

This is the text of the email that stirred my response:

This was in a Tampa Newspaper....Please Read

Will we still be the Country of choice and still be America if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in America because it is the Country of Choice??????

Think about it! All we have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS? I celebrate Christmas...........but because it isn't celebrated by everyone..............we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season's Greetings. It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break. Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday? We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that.

This says it all! This is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a
Tampa newspaper. He did quite a job; didn't he? Read on, please! IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However...... the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically
correct! " crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was
offending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.

This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans... we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!

"In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan.. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women.......on Christian principles............. founded this nation..... and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new ome.........because God is part of our culture. If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care
how you did things where you came from.

This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining....... whining...... and griping....... about our flag....... our pledge...... our national motto........or our way of life....I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom....... THE RIGHT TO LEAVE. It is Time for America to Speak up If you agree -- pass this along; if you don't agree -- delete it! AMEN I figure if we all keep passing this to our
friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers,
lets all try, please

Post Thanksgiving 2005

This post is derived in part from a personal letter I sent to a friend who wrote us with some kind wishes over the Thanksgiving holiday. After reading it through a second time, I thought there was some meat (not turkey) to the experience. As always, I'm sharing a little piece of my life with you. I hope it makes you feel good about your own blessings.

My husband and I spent our time in Olathe, Kansas, where Bill's father (who is 96) lives in an assisted living facility called Aberdeen that is owned by the Presbyterians. Although Joe is doing well, we are increasingly concerned about his welfare and happiness since his wife died recently. He seemed glad to see us and was able to get through a couple of hours of spirited conversation about things and people past that he and Bill had experienced in common. He tires easily though, and by the time we got through dinner and a few minutes of the Macy's parade in his room, Joe was ready to go to bed. I guess that he spends about 2/3 of his time "resting" these days.

Joe was 85 when Bill and I married and still quite vital. A retired physician who believed in keeping fit, he walked daily and played 9 holes of golf unless the weather would not permit it. He and his wife Ruth traveled extensively. In the ten years that Bill and I have been married, they did a Baltic Rivers Cruise, went to New Zealand twice, did a Princess cruise to the Western Caribbean with us and another with Ruth's family, made several trips to the East Coast for Joe's Dartmouth reunions and visits to family and did another cruise in the Canadian Rockies. Both of them were Christians and were actively involved in church. They had a productive and wonderful life.

About 2 1/2 years ago Joe started to slip a bit mentally and was having a really hard time physically with walking. Now it is difficult for him to get from the wheelchair to the bed. He and Ruth decided to give up their home in Arizona when it became apparent that he would need more care. They moved to Kansas to be near Ruth's family and that's how they ended up at Aberdeen. He has wonderful care and has made friends there, but we still are concerned for him. He is too frail to move at this point. He also appears to be quite happy and comfortable. We went about 1500 miles (round-trip) to spend 5 hours with him and to let him know that no one has forgotten him and that he is loved.

The reason for telling this little story is to express how thankful we are for our lives at this point. It is also an illustration of how time tricks us into the future. I think it is so vitally important to live every day in the best possible way...to enjoy your family, to cherish your marriage and to participate in meaningful friendships while you can. These will be the memories you hold on to the longest in your old age and the ones that will sustain you through the end of your life and any troubles that cross your path. These opportunities are also the reality of the present and can not be recaptured once they are lost.

This year I am thankful for many of the normal things that cross one's mind at Thanksgiving, but I am especially thankful for our time with Joe. I am also thankful for being here at this special time (retirement) in my life and that God has allowed us resources and health to enjoy for a season.

I hope that you are equally blessed.

A Moment to Consider the Pandemic Effect of AIDS

The following link from World Vision http://worldvision.sitestream.com/WorldAidsDay/AidsTest.html?Open&campaign=1215191&cmp=EMC-1215191 will take you to a self test on your knowledge of AIDS and current conditions in the world that stem from this pandemic disease.

The number of human beings affected by HIV/AIDS are staggaring and they will continue to grow unless we practice individual awareness and share knowledge with our world community. Please take a moment to update yourself and to find out some simple ways that you can help spread awareness.

This is a subject dear to my heart. I lost my younger brother Jack to AIDS in December of 1991 after a 4 year battle with the illness. Jack was 35 years old. He was a displaced Texan with a distinctively southern mixed sense of humor and cynicism who lived and worked in Colorado most of his adult life. He was also an extraordinarily kind and empathatic individual with a quick smile and an encouraging word for everyone he knew. He was a loyal friend, a faithful follower of Nicheren Shoshu Buddhism and a hopeful dreamer for both his future and the future of humankind.

Some of Jack's favorite things were the mountains in Colorado, spending time with friends, roller skating, country and western dancing, music and movies. One of my favorite memories of Jack is two-stepping with him to a live country band in a Denver bar. Jack loved warm and bright things and hated to be cold. He was once a championship roller skater, who for a time taught disco skate dancing in New York City.

Knowing how and when to share with others was Jack's special gift. His early death left a tremendous void in the lives of his family and friends. I am asking for your awareness in his memory.

There are many ways to help, including prayer for those affected, keeping yourself safe and free from infection, educating your family and peers and by sharing your annual gifts to charitable funds with the American Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR) www.amfar.org or other local support organization of your choice.

Be educated, practice abstinence or safe sex, be tested, be well.

I know that my brother would be grateful for your support. So am I.

Thanksgiving and Hopeful Wishes for Family

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays because the focus is on the gathering of families and sharing long honored traditions. The turkey and other culinary delights are very special, but the real meat is in seeing, touching and speaking with family members and close friends.

Just like we make a list of resolutions on New Year’s, I like to make a list of things I am thankful for this time of year. Here is my list:

Ø I am thankful to God for all the blessings I have been given, for the light of day, the peace of night and the assurance of His love.

Ø I am thankful for my family, each and every one, with their unique special gifts and the home that they have in my heart. I am thankful for every blessing that they have received in their lives and hopeful for their future.

Ø I am thankful to have lived to see my grandchildren and be a part of their life.

Ø I am especially thankful for my husband, who has been steadfast and supportive through many difficult times and who shows his love in all that he does for me and my family.

Ø I am thankful for the financial blessings I have received and for the home and lifestyle that they provide for me and my husband at this time in our life.

Ø I am thankful to finally be at peace with my life and for the opportunity to help others find peace in theirs.

Ø I am thankful for community, for friendship, for fellowship and for a church home that provides strong support in Christ for my faith, my joys and my sorrows.

Ø I am thankful to be an American, to enjoy safety and well-being as much as it is possible anywhere on earth, and to have the explicit privilege of freedom which is so rare on this earth.

No family is perfect and all are in transition. Loving each other has never been an issue, but there have been some serious issues to overcome in mine and we are working diligently to be better and do better every single day. To this end, I also have a wish list that is highly personal and more specific to me, my husband and my 4 children. I've omitted names for the sake of privacy, but I want to share one family's concerns with you. Here are my top 7 for this year.

1. That both of my youngest daughters find freedom, peace and happiness in their lives; that their sorrow and regret become joy and happiness, and that their future is so bright that it overwhelms the problems of the past.

2. That my 3rd child is reunited with her children and released from her addictions and health issues. Also that her relationships sustain her in love and satisfy her yearning for family and home. That my three grandchildren by her continue to have faith, joy and sucess in their lives and that they enjoy wellness and prosperity in the coming year.

3. That my youngest child finds freedom from addictive behaviors and realizes the love her family has for her and that she is released from the past to pursue her future. Also that she finds special love in her life and a sense of true belonging.

4. That my oldest daughter becomes pregnant and is able to have the child she and her husband are hoping for in their lives now. That they continue to receive the blessings they so richly deserve, and that she finds work that is more satisfying and promising for her.

5. That my son remains happy and well in his family life and that he continues to grow in his faith and in the stewardship of his life and his home.

6. That my husband is blessed with increased wellness and suffers less with pain and disability and that he will find true happiness in our marriage.

7. That I am able to continue to provide support, love, kindness and encouragement to both my family and my friends. That I develop more patience, listen more carefully and forgive more easily with each year that passes.

That’s all for today. Whatever trials your family may have, try to have the best Thanksgiving possible. Let it be a day of forgiveness and renewal. Remember to thank God for your blessings and ask him for grace for your family. Make your own list of blessings and wishes, whether you choose to share them or not. It’s a great exercise in faith and love.

As an added bonus...I hope your team wins too!

The Real ID Act - Personal Commentary

I'm not big on forwarding email because the first thing I do when I get in my inbox is to delete all the stuff I know for sure I'm not going to read. However, on occasion something comes through that is either fun or thought provoking and I am inclined to pass it on. The following link came out of the blue from an old work buddy in New England, who got it who knows where. This one I chose to forward to my long list. The originator is the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).

If you ever think about your privacy, as I do, then this will make you shake your head. It’s worth a listen and some thoughtful consideration about what the future of information technology could bring our way. Although there is some obvious humor here, I found it difficult to laugh too hard or too long. I am not soliciting any point of view, but think you should make up your own mind about whether to support the ACLU letter.
http://www.aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf

Here is an article with a broader view: http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=MSN8A&q=The+Real+ID+Act

This concerns legislation that has already been passed by Congress. The REAL ID Act was imbedded in an unrelated emergency appropriations bill targeted at military funding and was not passed on it's own merits. They didn't ask my opinion before the parade left the grounds. How the heck did this happen? Yikes! It's really scary that something so important can be attached to an unrelated agenda and then administrated to free citizens as Law.

How much do corporations, credit institutions, health organizations and the govenment really need to know about you?

• Is a single ID really a good idea?
• What makes this different from the Social Security Number that we are already required to have?
• Will this really keep terrorists or any other unsavory individuals from accessing our shores?
• Will this hurt us? If not, will it help us? How?
• What is the real cost of implementing and supporting this system?
• Who will reap profits from this system?
• How much authority does this usurp from state governments?
• Do you want your DNA stored in a government information bank? (not much choice now)
• How long will it be before they just imbed a chip in your head when you are born so that "they" can correct all your mistakes before you make them?
• Is there ANY limit to how the government can use this information, or future information they choose to require?
• Your tax records will certainly be linked to this ID, will your library card?
• How about your web identity(ies)?
• I wonder how hard it would be to implode dysfunctional individuals with a microchip?
• Does it matter? I think it does.

Clearly, I am skeptical. I find it way too controlling and I think it smacks of past cataclysmic government failures like McCarthyism and the J Edgar Hoover days. There are just too many holes for abuse of power and identity theft by those who administer the program.

Does anyone remember "THX1138", or am I just a relic? (rhetorical question) Maybe it was just fiction, but I don't want to end up in government issued pajamas running through a maze looking for myself while legally, but heavily medicated. Oh wait...that sounds a lot like waiting for government cheese, disability or medical entitlements like help with prescription drugs or flu vaccine.

Lord help us all. Only God remains the same, steady source of love and light. I think if He wanted His creatures inventoried, we would have had a better system to do it.

Opinions on the subject are both encouraged and welcomed!

3 Minute Reflections On A Semi-Geek Lifestyle

Being retired has only simplified my life in one aspect; working outside the home for someone else. I was afraid of being bored or uninspired but I find that the opposite is true. I can say no to almost all things boring or uninspiring and it is accepted without qualification by my peers. I still get up in the morning; I still work hard to meet goals. There are still deadlines, agendas, organizational problems, occasional meetings and financial obligations.

I’ve stopped mourning the paycheck (my husband has not) and tried to focus on quality of life instead. My time is spent on developing my faith, supporting my family, trying to help others, following my varied interests and caring for our health. It’s working for me.

There is a philosophy bite in Eastern religion that translates something like this: If you want to know the state of your life, sit still and look around you. Notice that this doesn’t say close your eyes and reflect on your situation, go to an expert and hash it out or be oblivious to the world. Nope. Sit still and look around you. Stop in your tracks, right here, right now, and take notice of what your senses perceive.

Since you are reading this, I assume you are at your personal workspace trying to accomplish a number of tasks, or just relaxing and taking in some mental stimulation. I suggest that you pull back from the keyboard, take a deep breath and take a full three minutes to assess this moment in your life. If you are anything like me, 3 minutes can be an eternity when forced to concentrate on things you normally take for granted.

Turn 360 degrees, slowly. What do you see: order, chaos, pride, neglect, family, unfinished projects, cleanliness? What do you smell? (I’ll let you go there alone!) What do you hear: music, sounds of nature, quietness, the faucet dripping? The last and perhaps the hardest question is how do you feel about what you see. Does your space please you? Are there things there that put you in danger? Is it a palate that needs more paint, or perhaps less? Does it reflect who you are or just what you have? Is there too little or too much in your life? If you could change just one thing, what would it be? How would it make a difference?

One of the ways that I start a donation box is to stand in each room of the house and carry out a similar exercise. Things that have outlived their usefulness will pop out at you and shout to be recycled. Just remember that the stuff you haven’t used or enjoyed for a long time may be just the thing that fills a need for someone else. That set of pillows you bought that really doesn’t match your sofa, dishes you haven’t used for an eternity, clothes you haven’t worn for a full season or art that really doesn’t suit your home or your taste can give great joy to another person. If you do this once a quarter, there will be a point when everything you have is actually something you want. What a concept.

From my desk, the three minutes look like this. I have a wall of photos behind my desk filled with people I love or have loved in my life. Sitting directly in front of these folks is a big oak desk that is absolutely covered with personal items and project materials. There’s a stack of tech, cooking and design magazines, the mystery novel I’m currently reading and an LLC manual, a basket full of downloaded web materials, current business papers and files in progress.

There is a wooden box full of note cards, stamps and other correspondence supplies, a stack of “attention this week” mail stuffed under the foot of my flat screen monitor, a photo box of about 2000 family photos that I am in the process of archiving, a CD tower with my “essential” program files and favorite current music CDs and a plethora of personal items including a manicure kit, PDA, sticky note holder and a big banker style desk lamp next to the wireless phone, linksys receiver and pen caddy. I have two physical calendars that I keep besides the Outlook calendar on the desktop, and none of them are synchronized.

The drawers are full of art supplies, note cards, specialty papers, and other computer supplies. A separate table with a shelf holds the all-in-one printer, fax, copier, which is choked for space with supplies and manuals. Behind me, there’s an entire bookshelf (4’x 8’, 7 shelves) dedicated to computer books and original software boxes, except for one shelf of bibles and religious materials.
I’m laughing now because I realize that the last 3 paragraphs are way out of bounds and that I couldn’t possibly detail even this small portion of my life in the 1000 words or less that I usually allow myself for these commentaries. The sentence structure also reveals a lot about my personality and I’m not sure I intended to open up that can of malarkey.

If I had my meals brought to me and a pillow to throw on the top of this desk, I could actually keep myself busy for about 20 years without getting bored. If I turn my head to the left and look through the French doors, I can see more of my life…the home for which I have stewardship, my cat “Queenie” looking for food and scratches, the yard beyond, ready for late fall cleanup and pampering. Behind me, sitting at another large roll-top oak desk is my husband, who is really the number 1 priority on my earthly agenda. To my right, a large window reminds me of all the great possibilities beyond the front door. It’s about 72 degrees outside and a walk, a swim or a visit to the fitness center would be perfect today.

I think it’s important to do these little assessments so that you can get a real time snapshot of how you are spending your most precious commodity, time. A well equipped workspace, while it’s a good tool and an entertaining spot, is not a life. You can not fully experience the joy of real human contact online. You can’t exercise your mind or your body properly if the majority of your time is spent in front of a monitor. Although I value many of the contacts I’ve made online, the phenomenon of IM friends is not a satisfactory replacement for interaction with family, friends and neighbors.

For this reason, the message today is that we need to establish perspective and create guidelines for our lives based on the things that make us happy. To be happy, one must be balanced. That is a combination of faith, relationships, environment and health. The almighty computer, the TV, the Radio, and the incessant flow of mail are only tools to support our REAL life, which lies somewhere beyond their allure.

You are hearing this from a net and technology enthusiast who met her spouse online 11 years ago. We would never have met without this technology, and will be married for 10 years in April. He is still my daily light. This would not be a reality if we had not left the desk to participate in developing a real friendship and taken the time to sort reality from truth, play together in the real world, share our interests in real time and validate our feelings. So, play and work in cyberspace, enjoy your time there. Be very careful to live and take great delight in the solid realities of your life. There is sustenance there when the screen goes blank.

Well, Dell is at the door with the final box of goodies for my husband’s new computer. What timing! I’m the set-up pro here, so my exercise for the next day and a half will be crawling around on the floor, pushing the oak roll top in and out of place and suppressing expletives. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Be still, be well, be faithful, be kind;
be of a wholesome and generous mind.
Choose your path and try not to stray,
When friends are in need, call them today.
Encourage your peers, never be blind;
Strengthen your heart with the ties that bind.
Savor the moment and live in it well,
For moments are gifts with a story to tell.

Paula

.

Developing Personal Skills and Making Changes

Many of the posts on Rockingrama's Reflections are focused on growing as an individual. In fact the whole site is targeted at growing in faith, interpersonal skills, coping skills and the development of a full and satisfying life. The journal entries are highly personal and they are a combination of ideals that have been formed from three main areas: direct experience, education and personal opinion. For me it is a mission of mentoring for family, friends and any other individuals who just need a little encouragement or confidence to boost their day. If there's any reward in the writing, its from the occasional individual who stops to comment that one of the items helped in some small way.

The ideas are not the perspective of a trained psychiatrist, psychologist or social scientist. They are not intended as formula coaching or rigid sets of right and wrong. Rather, I hope that its more like having a talk about some of the common issues we experience as human beings with a trusted friend or family member over a good glass of wine. Some of the principles are so universal that it seems redundant to repeat them, but it is what we miss in life that hurts us, not what we've heard more than once.

While my opinion is that self-development is a key aspect of living a good productive life, it is important to have a clear understanding of why we strive to be better all the time. There are questions to be asked. Such as, what would be the harm if we didn't work so hard to change? Is it healthy to always want to be something different than what you are? Is there a point in life where you graduate from this cycle and rest on your laurels? Is it only ego that drives us to change, or is there a deeper genetic purpose for this constant development? I might answer these differently than you, but both of us would have valid views depending on the circumstances of our own life.

It is also very important to understand that anything you accomplish (a skill developed and then set in motion) through self-development has an impact not only on you, but on your circle of influence. Family, friends, colleagues, and aquaintances benefit directly from your skill pool. There is even a global impact in that when the level of faith, education, tolerance and social ability raises even a fraction of a percent, the human condition improves. This is the basis of hope for humanity in its simplest form.

Growing as a person always requires change. Change can be a radical idea that takes you to a far away place to explore, lend a helping hand or start a new business. It can also be a quiet commitment to pray or read 30 minutes every day. The most important thing is that the change is something positive that you choose and not a negative influence that carries you on an ill wind to places you never wanted to be. If that small voice is telling you "I shouldn't, but why not?" think about it long and hard, because that is a dangerous road that usually interrupts your life and rarely enhances it. Choose a better path. Use the power of decision and go for the things that glorify God, beautify your surroundings and edify your mind.

You don't have to be the CEO or the person in charge of anything except your own life to make positive change. A homemaker that learns to sew and make curtains for her home or clothes for her children is validated in that skill. The homemakers'attention to the finite skills in life has just as much importance in that circle of influence as a CEO has in theirs. Comparing your life to the lives of others is not the way to determine your value. If you must compare, compare what you were doing yesterday with what you are doing today. Is it more or less, better or worse? More importantly, are you happy in it? Less can be better; less worry, less stress, as more can be worse. Have you filled your plate too full? It's all relative to your own situation.

The first step is always to ask the questions. My questions go something like this:

1. Have I thanked God for my gifts, repented and practiced forgiveness and asked for His blessing?
2. What do I need to accomplish TODAY?
3. Is there something in my marriage that needs attention today?
4. Is my life going well?
5. If not, why not? If so, what is working well?
6. What can I do, this day, to make things better?
7. What are my 3 most important short term goals? Am I doing something positive to make them happen?
8. What are my lifetime goals? How is that going? Do I need to get help?
9. Does someone I know need me? How can I fulfill that need?
10. What steps can I take to fill in the knowledge and skill gaps in my life?

It would be a big fat lie to tell you I always get through this list, or that the list doesn't change daily. The comfort of the list is in knowing that it exists and that you can go back to it for a focal point if things get chaotic. Frankly, if you just pick one question on the list and work on it for a while, the exercise is just as valuable.

No matter what you do, write a blog, fly a kite or invent a universal vaccine for the eradication of stupidity in the world, you matter. What you do today matters. Never mind the nay-sayers that tell you to "get a life", you have one and it belongs to you. Be thoughtful, be considerate, be kind, be faithful, be loving and stay well. Make changes and develop skills through living your daily life with enthusiasm and keen interest in others.

I think I'll go change the sheets. This was exhausting.

For those that are clamoring for more, more, more, here are some pictures from our morning walk (a habit my husband and I are trying desperately to develop) here at Sun City Texas:







Pleasant work on the golf-course...so peaceful. 


Thick underbrush along the path. 


Near Trail's End. 


Curious friends sniffing our scent. 


Watch out for the cactus! 


Emerald Green around the bend. 


Morning skies...what a beautiful blue! 


I wonder what lies ahead? 


Lillypads on the lake. 


A diversion from the main trail. 


8am from Sun City Pavillion 

Habits and Rules

This is a post from last October that I re-read and thought was worth repeating. Enjoy.

I am a born resistor, a maker of sub-rules, a person always looking for the window of innovation and improvement in everything that I do. Even reverse psychology fails to take its toll on my innate and stubborn commitment to carve my own groove into everything that I do because I’ve been on to it since I was about 4 or 5. For people with a higher intellect, like say…um Einstein, this might be a good tactic. For a normal (?) person like me, this trait is more problematic.

It was an issue of some magnitude when I was young, affecting my personal life, my relationships, my studies and my work. Becoming more educated about choices in life and having mellowed with age, I can now admit that at least some of my innovations were definitely not improvements. My evolving approach to things has become more step-back and see what happens than the former forge forward with my personal whim strategy. The new philosophy wears much better in the real world.

I was never rude or abrasive, just inappropriately independent and not a great team player. Part of this came from a very real need to take care of myself without much help, and the rest from an inflated need to always be proving my competence in adverse environments. I think this is a common thread among people who grow up thinking they are lesser human beings, that they are entitled to less or that their station in life is predetermined by circumstance.

My parents did not teach me to feel this way on purpose. They did allow me to feel this way by allowing their own insecurities to be laid bare within the family structure. It was not their fault and this is not a blaming session, only a reflection of how a parent’s attitude of subservience and class can affect their child’s personality. To their credit, they did the very best they could to be good parents.

Security, self-worth and dignity are values that are “learned by being”. To feel secure, you must be secure. To have a sense of self, you must be assured in your personal value in this world. To have dignity, dignity must be present in your circumstance before it is planted in your mind and connected to your “self”.

Regardless of efforts that may or may not have been made to pass these values on to me, they came later in life. The good news is that the values are firmly in place now. Things like participating in a team, upholding the ideas of others without compromising self and being secure that I am equal to others and a credit to myself have become second nature. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel; I can be one of the spokes with complete comfort in my position. What a relief!

Whether you are struggling with forming values, trying to figure out what your position in life is about or just dealing with daily problems, a great place to start establishing control of your issues lies in forming good habits and a few ground rules.

There are two kinds of habits/ground rules that each of us need to form. The first of the sets are those that are universal and the second set is personal.

Universal habits are the written and unwritten daily actions that bind us in grace to the human community. I repeat: Universal habits are the written and unwritten daily actions that bind us in grace to the human community.

From the American Heritage Dictionary:

grace - NOUN:

• Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of
  movement, form, or proportion.


• A characteristic or quality pleasing for its
  charm or refinement.


• A sense of fitness or propriety.


• A disposition to be generous or helpful;
  goodwill.


• Mercy; clemency.


• A favor rendered by one who need not do so;
  indulgence.


• A temporary immunity or exemption; a
  reprieve.


• Graces Greek & Roman Mythology Three
  sister goddesses, known in Greek mythology as Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia,
  who dispense charm and beauty.


• Divine love and protection bestowed freely on
  people.


• The state of being protected or sanctified by
  the favor of God.


• An excellence or power granted by God.


• A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or
  after a meal.


• Grace Used with His, Her, or Your as a title and
  form of address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop.


• Music An appoggiatura, trill, or other musical ornanment in the music of 16th and 17th century England.

For my own purposes, I have highlighted the accepted definitions of grace that apply here. It’s all about what we do, how we do it and lastly how that makes us and others feel and think about ourselves in the world community. It’s about applying the principles of faith and fairness to every aspect of our daily lives. It’s about realizing the potential of self through practicing our values. It’s about living by the rules that are innate in us regardless of our gender, religion, sexual orientation, skin color or political views. It’s about genuine love.

The habits are up to you, as your values may differ from mine. These are the ones that I chose to focus on:

Habit #1: Love God, love others and love yourself.

Habit #2: Practice your faith, pronouncing it is not enough. Pray.

Habit #3: Practice kindness and forgiveness every day.

Habit #4: Diligently work at identifying your gifts in life, then use them in your daily life.

Habit #5: Share. Do not hoard knowledge or resources unreasonably. This does not mean don’t take care of yourself, it does mean consider others.

Habit #6: Participate as fully as you are able with family, friends, co-workers and the community at large.

Habit #7: Help at least 1 other person every day.

Habit #8: Present yourself well. Take care of your health and your appearance and arrive with a smile.

Habit #9: Be thankful.

Habit #10: Be respectful.

The rules pertain to law and define the order in our lives. As I see it, these are universal and less flexible. In any case, these are mine:

Rule #1: Follow God’s laws.

Rule #2: Follow the laws of the land.

Rule #3: To the best of your ability, encourage others to do the same.

Clearly there are other habits and rules in life, like brushing your teeth or changing your underwear, doing your homework and respecting your peers and elders. If you develop the 10 habits above and follow the 3 rules, all of the sub-habits and sub-rules are second nature. You can not lie and be respectful at the same time, you can not hate and be loving, you can not help and be spiteful, you can not share what is hidden.

No one is perfect. All of us fail consistently at upholding our values because that is the plight of being human. The will to start fresh each day is the key to feeling as satisfied as possible with your actions. Acknowledging imperfection is the first step to doing better next time.

This is a model for thought and action that helps me stay on track. Maybe it will help you, but I would much rather see you sit down and think through the steps to see what works in your own life. Thoughtful consideration of what we do is the first step to realizing our potential as individuals and our capacity for contribution to the people in our life.

Grace be with you.

RANDOM SLEEP TALK

My mind runs 24/7. There are many things rattling around in this familiar small space at the same time. The resulting chaos reminds me of dreams where there are many people who have absolutely no connection with each other except that you have known or seen them, frolicking together at a non-existent and bizarre event.

For instance, your Birkenstock-shod kindergarten teacher, one of your ex-flames from another decade, the Priest from your sisters wedding and your neighbor's nephew may be snorkeling together in a human aquarium while you watch from your restaurant table where a nurse is administering flu shots. The beef is bloody, but the wine is good. The dream cast is trying desperately to communicate with you, but all you get is bubbles. You never know whether you got the flu or not, or if anybody drowned or suffered a barracuda bite, because the dream just abruptly ends. The result is extremely unsatisfying.

Now, my thoughts are not usually as chaotic as my example, but they can be. Years ago I had a dream of being chased for hours by people with dogs heads up the stairs and around the roof of a high rise. A clock struck five and the dog-headed pursuers walked calmly to the edge and jumped off. Salvador Dali shook his finger at me and said "I told you so." I went back to my desk and worked through the night. Well, we all know what that dream was about. I can laugh now that I'm retired. Its even more humorous if I count my savings from all those years of hard work.

Usually its just a matter of going to bed with thoughts in my head and waking up with some kind of dialog still running. Maybe its the grocery list, maybe its the words for an important letter: sometimes its a prayer. If I read or study before bed, I will wake up repeating the lesson. If I engage in listening to music, a song may appear. More often than not, it is 3 to 5 unrelated items that have been categorized for action during my somnambulance. The beauty is, they make sense and I know what to do with them.

All of us have said "Let me sleep on it." I think there is more to this than an excuse to delay a decision. For me, sleep is a thought process where I am able to thrash about possibilities and alternate conclusions, solve that math problem and find the rubber bands I was looking for last week.

There are no restrictions on your internal processes when you are resting and no voices to discourage your natural creativity. I wake up with some of my best ideas and rid myself of some of the worst when I'm in the "z" zone.

I'm sure there are experts that will disagree with me, but I am firmly rooted in the feeling that sleep is a highly sophisticated decoding process for mind and body; a cozy and peaceful cove, or a carnival of encrypted complexities strewn with sights and sounds that only have meaning to the owner. Rejuvenation is only one significant purpose of rest.

Personally, I think it takes great faith just to go to sleep. What if something happens and you miss it? What if sleep is reality and the rest is the dream? What if your only true love is the one you meet there? What if the people in the aquarium are the most significant and closest allies you will ever have? What if you don't wake up? What if you do? What if those were real dogs in human suits? ;)

Methods abound to cure these issues, but drugs interfere with the dreaming (yes, in color), which I would miss. I also would miss late night peeks at the moon and stars and the quiet to think or write uninterrupted. I would miss patterns of the moonlight shining through the blinds at 3AM and the sound of my loved ones breathing. I would miss the communion with my cat, who shares my sleeplessness.

I haven't tried the sleep number bed, but I think my number is 0-4. I'd get up to do something else anyway and it would probably be an idea I got when I laid down.

All this from a chronic insomniac; practicing my avocation.

I better stop and get to bed.

Garden Visitors in Central Texas

I was pleasantly surprised by this beautiful lady while bringing in the paper last week. Wow! (says me) I had to run in and get my camera and take pictures because this elegant specimen, a Golden Orb Weaver garden spider, is fully 4 or more inches from top to bottom. The body alone is an inch or longer and her thickness must be about 1/2 inch. I'm not through congratulating myself on this picture taken with my fairly low tech digital camera, as it's better than any others I was able to pull up on the web. Here's a little more info if you haven't run for cover yet. Look for item # 10. http://insects.tamu.edu/extension/bulletins/l-1787.html

This is a beautiful time of year in Central South Texas! Temperatures have finally dropped 5 or 6 degrees off the highs of the summer and most days peak out between 82 and 86 degrees. The low temps of the day are ranging somewhere from the high 50's to the mid 60's. In this waning October, the light from the full moon was so bright last week that a 3 am awakening had me up and looking out the window for sunrise. I went outside on the patio for a few still moments with the moon and a warm steady breeze from the southwest. Peace is so easy here.

Many of the native flowering plants are in full bloom now. You can still wear your shorts all day long, but in the early morning a little windbreaker is nice if you are walking. Yesterday, Austin reached a record high for the date at somewhere around 90.

We moved here from my husband's home of over 30 years in the Boston area where today's high will be about 57. Sounds like a beautiful fall day, but we will have a bright and sunny 82 or so here and when Boston starts hitting those 30 degree or lower marks, Central Texas will still be between 60 and 80 degrees the majority of the time. I have to interject here, that we loved Massachusetts too, there is a season for everything though, and we belong here now. That said, it is highly unlikely that we will be burdened with shoveling snow, falling on the ice or dealing with broken pipes due to freezing or severely aching joints from the cold. It is even less likely that frostbite will be a major health concern. There is a chance, but not a promise that I will wear my wool coat at least once or twice this winter. Thunderstorms and rain can be awesome and dangerous here, but they are also beautiful and renewing in their power. Gardening is a year round enterprise and each season brings new life.

Still, all is not perfect in paradise. You have to be careful of things like making sure you treat your yard for pesky little creatures like fire-ants http://austin.about.com/od/fireants/ and fiddle backed spiders http://www.ozane.com/pcn/spider01.html . Mold is an ever threatening issue http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/hrofr/interim/int77-1.pdf#search=

The growing population is encroaching so rapidly on former wildlife areas that our gardens are teeming with deer, armadillos http://www.flex.net/~lonestar/armadillo.htm, rabbits and the occasional skunk, scorpian, army beatle, tarantula or centipede. Cameleons, frogs, roadrunners and turtles are my personal favorites. Our garden also has a wide variety of butterflies and birds. If you go near the water, you are sure to see an occasional crane. A pair of morning doves took up early morning residence behind an Iris plant near the house last year and kept me company for a few days, and if you sit on the back patio long enough you are sure to see several hummingbirds feeding on the flowering bushes.

While it's a beautiful site to see deer grazing peacefully with the morning dew glinting sunlight off their graceful Bambi-like forms; the first time you notice that the target of their meal is a$40.00 plant (now sheared to within 2 inches of the ground), or that your $200.00 tree is dying from having the bark rubbed off...they become less charming. It is advisable to step gingerly in the yard to avoid the telltale "pellets" of last nights deer visitation. After replacing major landscaping items a few times the level of frustration is very high because you want to live responsibly with nature, but you are not getting much cooperation from the other side.

Ah well, I think, but God created all of us. Be patient, enjoy all of this beautiful free entertainment and hold the complaints for a time when there's something really bad in your life. For now, I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be. Perhaps Genesis says it best:

23 And there was evening and there was morning, a fifth day. 24 And God said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds: cattle and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds." And it was so. 25 And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the cattle according to their kinds, and everything that creeps upon the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 26 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth." 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." 29 And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so. 31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.

I left the Golden Orb Weaver alone for now; "Goldie" has protected status. Isn't it a great thing that God lets us live in his garden too. What a life!

New Beginnings

New Beginnings

The development and birth of a human life is a beautiful, mysterious event. What happens after we get here is another story and what we do with our lives is subject to all kinds of influences. Physical, environmental, psychological, social and financial challenges bombard us from the moment we are born and it’s a tremendous challenge to weather this storm daily and come out on the other end as a decent, respectable human being. One of the most interesting life challenges is the new beginning.

Obvious new beginnings occur as a natural progression in our lives. Birth, eating, speaking, walking, starting kindergarten, moving to a bigger school, graduating high school then college, moving away from home, work, marriage, parenting, grand-parenting, and retired living are all normal examples. If only it were so simple. All of these common events are complicated further by sub-sets of internal and external influence. Parents, siblings, spouses, lovers, friends, neighbors, bosses and co-workers, con-artists and tricksters of every sort step into the mix and raise the stakes for our sanity. As if this were not enough, there are thousands of critical decisions to be made that test our faith and ethical fiber.

I read in a management textbook at college years ago that a single person is not capable of effectively managing more than 6 other individuals because of the complexity of relationships and situations that are formed when the number reaches 6. For example, the one to one relationship with the individual, the individuals relationships with the 5 other people you are managing, their relationships with each other and you, and all of the external factors that influence each persons performance on the job. It made sense to me at the time and still does. However, if you think of it in terms of ones management of their life, it seems like child’s play. Being confused is sometimes justified.

If your life is not too complicated, you may have the luxury of only experiencing a few major changes such as moves, marriages, deaths and traumatic events like accidents, illness, abuse or incarceration. In truth, most people have one or more of these complications in their life many times over. We move, we change jobs, we have disappointing relationships and failed opportunities. We commit offenses against other people. We are forced to make decisions with inadequate information and poor advice. We are left vulnerable and alone.

The good new is this. The human brain, even when we are using it at far less than capacity, is capable of handling as much as the world can hand us. It is like a dry sponge waiting to be filled with water, except that it never reaches it’s natural capacity. You get to choose what to put in it and when. You have free use of it every single day.

The bad news is that unless you manage your brain responsibly, it will just allow you to dig yourself deeper into the muck of poor insight, bad decision making and negative experiences. It will allow you to despair; it will allow you to destruct. Therefore, you have a responsibility to yourself to store good information, develop skills and give all things in your life respectful consideration before acting on them.

There’s more good news. If you have acted poorly in the past, your brain will allow you to correct the problem. You can decide to change your mind, alter your behavior and follow a better pattern of living. You can face changes with confidence that you are capable of being successful. You can take steps one at a time to make your life positive and satisfying. You can decide to get professional help for your problems. You can help yourself and you can help others. You can begin anew.

As a person who experienced more than my share of new beginnings, I have a few guidelines to help me move forward. If the change is motivated by negative factors:

1. Honestly define the reason for the change, including your part in it, then ask God’s help to make things better.


2. Make a plan before you make the change and follow it through.


3. Listen to your conscience and repair whatever you can.


4. Forgive yourself if you need to. Forgive others.


5. Do not dwell on past mistakes, but file them for reference.


6. Do not carry grudges.


7. Embrace your family and friends and keep them in the picture.


8. Keep your sense of humor.


9. Never allow yourself the luxury of self-pity. You are responsible and capable. You just made a mistake.

If the change is for positive reasons, think about these steps:

1. Thank God for your blessing.


2. Share the news with the people you care about, refrain from bragging to those you don’t.


3. Allow yourself to enjoy the event.


4. Be sensible and keep your perspective during the change.


5. Try not to make other major decisions at the same time.


6. Include anyone who helped you achieve your goal in your list of thanks.


7. Remember that others may not be so fortunate and that it is prudent to think about what you say and how you act during change.


8. True friendship is precious. Try not to leave friends behind. Stay in touch.

This passage from Psalms 51 has been helpful to me in times of change.

Psalms 51:7-13
7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me – now let me rejoice. 9 Don't keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. 11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don't take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. 13 Then I will teach your ways to sinners, and they will return to you.

Whatever your new beginning may be, try to take heart in the fresh possibilities that exist within it. Life is filled with uncertainty, but that is part of the adventure of being alive. Do your best to live it with a clean heart and I expect that you will do well.

Celebrating Life

Celebrating Life

Many of the great philosophers and contemporary writers have pondered on the theme of the meaning of life. I would not compare my humble thinking process with that of these learned individuals or presume to say that I have the final answer. However, from my point of view as a believer in God they often miss the point. My thought is that each life has its own meaning in the sight of God and that its purpose here on earth is life itself.

You are a child of God. Nothing and no one on earth can take this away from you because God is greater and more powerful than the sum of this Universe and any others that may exist. The difference between you as a human being and other living creations is that God gave you dominion over the earth and all other living creatures then put you in charge of your life by granting free will.

What God asks of us in recognition of His abundant love is to live our lives according to his rules. Those ten simple rules only become complex with our endless and tiresome quest to circumvent and reinvent their meaning. These ten rules can be applied to almost any law text written in the history of legalese. In truth, if the entire human population lived by these Ten Commandments, no other laws would be necessary. Our courts and our jails would be empty and each life would be fulfilled in its own time.

Free will then becomes the problem. I believe that God gave us free will because of His love for all of His creations. I think that God meant for us to use it more judiciously; that we were intended to love, to work, to help our families and our communities, to exercise responsible stewardship of all of our gifts, to respect our bodies, to give freely of our talents and most importantly to fully recognize God as our Father in Heaven. I believe that we were also meant to love and respect ourselves and our home here on earth.

It is false to believe that we are more or less than any other person. It is truth to understand that our individual gifts are different. When we presume our worth and position is less or more than that of others, the potential for wrong thinking and wrong behavior is great. An elevated sense of worth, for an extreme example, could lead us to the thought that stealing from others or even murder is a solution to some life problem. After all, of what account is the victim if we are so much more valuable and our needs are so much greater than his or hers? A poor sense of our own worth can lead to self abuse, deprecation of spirit and denial of our sanctified place in God's human family.

Since you personally are a valued member of the human race and a child of God, it is your right and your responsibility to respect and love your life. It is your right and responsibility to exercise your free will in a way that glorifies God, recognizes the worth and equal value of other human beings, elevates your spirit and utilizes the full potential of your unique gifts.

You may or may not agree with my point of view according to your own free will, but it is indisputable that any human life is precious and limited in its length. Learn to appreciate and manage your days with careful attention to the details. Open your eyes and your heart to possibilities, put your mind to the task of joyful living, work diligently for good and ask God for help. Never despair, always forgive, and try again when you fail. Celebrate your life every single day by being all that you can be.

Planes, Trains, Automobiles and Buses, Part I

Yesterday, while going through some old pictures I'm trying to catalogue and put into new albums for family, I ran across more than a few that had the grills, trunks, and bumpers of different cars that belonged to family members over the years. This kind of activity often carries me off into a memory zone that I haven't explored for a while.This particular time I was whisked away into two different directions of thought. One about the evolution of travel and how it contributes to our freedom and makes our world so much more accessible and the other about my own personal journeys in some of the cars in the pictures. Thinking about traveling in the cars was a natural bridge to other travel experiences; thus the planes, trains and buses.

So go the musings of firing, re-firing, near missing and finally connecting synapse when occupied with nostalgic activities. What struck me most profoundly about these images was the emotional weight they carried when coupled with their owners, and how the modes of transportation were a way of chronologically organizing my recollections.

For my mother, more than any other person I've known in my life, the car was a symbol of power. Mobility was essential to her in ways that I will probably never understand. Her quest for happiness and a better life, combined with my father's willingness to do whatever she asked of him, put our little family of five on the road many times. More often than not the journey was a full fledged move. The trips in between the moves were to visit various family members all over Texas with very few exceptions.

Before I graduated from high school, we lived in Ranger, Dallas, Brownfield, Borger, Brownwood, Waxahachie, San Antonio, Borger (again), Big Spring, Weslaco and Borger (once more). I've never been able to figure out the allure of Borger, and if you ever saw it you would wonder too. However, you can believe that I was no stranger to the art of passing time on the road counting the freight cars on long trains, telephone poles and oncoming cars with one headlight, reading long strings of Burma Shave signs, playing 'I Spy ' with my siblings and fighting for territory in a crowded back seat.

All of this was endured with two chain smoking parents, ever changing Texas weather and no air conditioning. Times being what they were, my mothers first requirement when packing for a trip was an iced down six-pack and a carton of Pall Malls. My Dad made sure the fishing poles and his bait and tackle box were somewhere in the mix. Seat belts were not a part of our health and safety plan. My calculation, considering the size of Texas is that we laid about a million miles of rubber on the state roads between 1947 and 1965.

There were three cars that stand out in my childhood experiences. One was the 1939 Chrysler (Plymouth?) that occupied my grandparents garage in Ranger, the second was my parents old visored grey '51 Chevy and the other was my Aunt Olive's Buick, I think a '55 or '56; a two toned affair with big vent holes along the side and a monster V8 engine. I loved my Aunt dearly and she, like my mother was very fond of packing up her children and her belongings in that car and driving like the wind to her current fantasy. Somehow the car is indelibly intertwined with her in my memory.

My folks traded in a 40's vintage car for the Chevy when I was about 9; that meant that the car was already 7 years old. By the time we got rid of it and bought a used '55 Chevy, I was 13 and the car was becoming a real embarrassment to me. The two grey monsters in my life that year were that Chevy and a grey hand-me-down coat that one of my classmates asked about in the following manner: "Is that real rat fur, or fake rat fur." Geeeez. Of course, I realize now that the car was really well taken care of and that my parents kept it because it was both reliable and paid off. The coat was in perfect condition, but suffered no further wear. I braved the cold with an icy smile many times that winter. At the time, sneaking out of the car before anyone saw me was a regular ritual and accidently leaving the coat in the back seat was tantamount to my social survival.

The only time I remember my grandparent's car being driven was in the summer of 1960 when I was 13. My parents, probably needing some space of their own, put me (The Leader and Protector), my 9 year old sister and my 4 year old brother on a Greyhound bus in Borger, Texas to travel to Ranger, Texas and stay with my grandmother for a visit. They gave me $2.00 to buy drinks for us and a box of 6 doughnuts. Being the leader, I refused to have anything to do with the doughnuts and made my little sister carry them. She is still angry about this. Borger to Ranger is 270 miles. The caveat about the two bucks is that I was supposed to give the change to my grandmother when we got to Ranger. I am smiling now. Change?

Arriving in Ranger, we were picked up by Grandmother and a friend in the friend's car. But my grandmother, seeing my immense maturity at age 13, started making other plans for the long unused, but well maintained Chrysler. So began our journeys up and down about a 30 mile stretch of Highway 66, visiting grandmothers church friends, doing sick visits, impromptu piano concerts and delivering finished sewing projects with yours truly at the wheel, floor shift, clutch and all. I got my drivers license a year later at age 14 and my Mother and Dad always thought I learned to drive at school. Since they paid for it, I never told them my grandmother had used me as a chauffeur that summer. My, my how the world has changed. The miracle is that I am here to see it.

Two other bus trips stick out in my mind. When I was almost 18 I married and left Borger for good. My husband was a Marine and was changing duty stations at the time, so he had to leave, pack up his gear in California and travel to Tennessee with the military to get to his new duty station. Getting to Millington, Tennessee for me meant getting on the dreaded Greyhound again, with the required box of 6 doughnuts and an increased allowance of $10.00. The trip was about 650 miles and included a whole night on the bus and a stopover at a deep South bus station where Civil Rights protests were in progress. This was scary stuff in 1965 for a girl that had never been out of Texas.

I was dressed up like an idiot in a beautiful white wool suit my mother made for herself but gave to me after betting with me that I wouldn't get up and sing some horrible song with the band in a nightclub in Amarillo a couple of weeks before my trip. I wanted the suit, so I did it. My outfit was complimented with a hat, gloves and gun metal high heels and matching purse, knowing that I was going to see my true love. My hair was done up in a French twist and sprayed to last with Aquanet. All this got me was a lot of unwanted attention from a creepy shoe salesman that was on the bus almost all the way to my destination. He was probably a child pornographer.

I never got off the bus for the entire trip and still had my $10.00 when my husband met me at the station on the other end, but I was one tired and thirsty girl in search of a clean bathroom. I bought a new pair of loafers with the $10 and had money left over for hamburgers and cokes for the two of us before we faced the Tennessee love nest.

In Millington, my husband had rented us a duplex about 5 miles from the base. This is a long way from civilization when you don't know anyone or have any transportation. So, I was pregnant with our first child and stuck in the country with a radio and the local newspaper to fill my days, but I was still deliriously happy and NOT in Borger. After all, we had $112.00 a month to live on and the rent was only $79. Life was good.

On one happy occasion, my husband came home with free passes on the local bus system to go in to Memphis. We had been saving to see 'Becket' starring Peter O'Toole. The big day arrived and we got on a completely filled bus headed for Memphis. I was very excited to be going somewhere. On second thought, anywhere would have been fine.

About halfway through the trip, I realized that it was miserably hot on the bus and that the air conditioning was not working as it should; a really bad combination of circumstances when pregnant. My next memory is of waking up on the bus floor after both throwing up and passing out with my poor embarrassed husband trying to take care of me while a sea of hankies and Kleenex were being offered by offended but empathetic fellow passengers. This is one of those select moments when staying passed out would have been a much better choice. You should have seen that bus clear at the first stop! We got to Memphis safely though, cleaned up in the theatre bathroom, enjoyed the movie and a walk along the Mississippi river before we returned to the isolated duplex/love nest.

I thought of many more car stories as I wrote these, so I've decided to continue on this thought path for a while. My first plane ride came at age 21, but I am saving airplanes and my hearse and ambulance experiences for another chapter.

Happy highways till then!