The development and birth of a human life is a beautiful, mysterious event. What happens after we get here is another story and what we do with our lives is subject to all kinds of influences. Physical, environmental, psychological, social and financial challenges bombard us from the moment we are born and it’s a tremendous challenge to weather this storm daily and come out on the other end as a decent, respectable human being. One of the most interesting life challenges is the new beginning.
Obvious new beginnings occur as a natural progression in our lives. Birth, eating, speaking, walking, starting kindergarten, moving to a bigger school, graduating high school then college, moving away from home, work, marriage, parenting, grand-parenting, and retired living are all normal examples. If only it were so simple. All of these common events are complicated further by sub-sets of internal and external influence. Parents, siblings, spouses, lovers, friends, neighbors, bosses and co-workers, con-artists and tricksters of every sort step into the mix and raise the stakes for our sanity. As if this were not enough, there are thousands of critical decisions to be made that test our faith and ethical fiber.
I read in a management textbook at college years ago that a single person is not capable of effectively managing more than 6 other individuals because of the complexity of relationships and situations that are formed when the number reaches 6. For example, the one to one relationship with the individual, the individuals relationships with the 5 other people you are managing, their relationships with each other and you, and all of the external factors that influence each persons performance on the job. It made sense to me at the time and still does. However, if you think of it in terms of ones management of their life, it seems like child’s play. Being confused is sometimes justified.
If your life is not too complicated, you may have the luxury of only experiencing a few major changes such as moves, marriages, deaths and traumatic events like accidents, illness, abuse or incarceration. In truth, most people have one or more of these complications in their life many times over. We move, we change jobs, we have disappointing relationships and failed opportunities. We commit offenses against other people. We are forced to make decisions with inadequate information and poor advice. We are left vulnerable and alone.
The good new is this. The human brain, even when we are using it at far less than capacity, is capable of handling as much as the world can hand us. It is like a dry sponge waiting to be filled with water, except that it never reaches it’s natural capacity. You get to choose what to put in it and when. You have free use of it every single day.
The bad news is that unless you manage your brain responsibly, it will just allow you to dig yourself deeper into the muck of poor insight, bad decision making and negative experiences. It will allow you to despair; it will allow you to destruct. Therefore, you have a responsibility to yourself to store good information, develop skills and give all things in your life respectful consideration before acting on them.
There’s more good news. If you have acted poorly in the past, your brain will allow you to correct the problem. You can decide to change your mind, alter your behavior and follow a better pattern of living. You can face changes with confidence that you are capable of being successful. You can take steps one at a time to make your life positive and satisfying. You can decide to get professional help for your problems. You can help yourself and you can help others. You can begin anew.
As a person who experienced more than my share of new beginnings, I have a few guidelines to help me move forward. If the change is motivated by negative factors:
- Honestly define the reason for the change, including your part in it, then ask God’s help to make things better.
- Make a plan before you make the change and follow it through.
- Listen to your conscience and repair whatever you can.
- Forgive yourself if you need to. Forgive others.
- Do not dwell on past mistakes, but file them for reference.
- Do not carry grudges.
- Embrace your family and friends and keep them in the picture.
- Keep your sense of humor.
- Never allow yourself the luxury of self-pity. You are responsible and capable. You just made a mistake.
If the change is for positive reasons, think about these steps:
- Thank God for your blessing.
- Share the news with the people you care about, refrain from bragging to those you don’t.
- Allow yourself to enjoy the event.
- Be sensible and keep your perspective during the change.
- Try not to make other major decisions at the same time.
- Include anyone who helped you achieve your goal in your list of thanks.
- Remember that others may not be so fortunate and that it is prudent to think about what you say and how you act during change.
- True friendship is precious. Try not to leave friends behind. Stay in touch.
This passage from Psalms 51 has been helpful to me in times of change.
Psalms 51:7-13
7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me – now let me rejoice. 9 Don't keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. 11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don't take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. 13 Then I will teach your ways to sinners, and they will return to you.
Whatever your new beginning may be, try to take heart in the fresh possibilities that exist within it. Life is filled with uncertainty, but that is part of the adventure of being alive. Do your best to live it with a clean heart and I expect that you will do well.
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