WHAT IS FAIR?

I was thinking about the subject of fairness recently. You know, how people are always saying that something is unfair or that life is unfair. Its an interesting subject actually, because fairness is another of those completely subjective ideas. What is fair depends on who is judging fairness. How to be fair is a bit of a conundrum, as the decision about the degree of fairness will always depend on the personal experience of the judge, and that experience will most likely be entirely different than that of other persons or things affected by their judgment.

Theoretically, you can live your life thinking you are being fair to others because you are acting in a way that is fair to yourself, but completely excluding their life experience before you take action or make judgments about them. Conversely, if you think someone else is being unfair to you, or you have an unfair situation, it may be that fairness by your standards has not even been considered by your judge.

Think of how many times you have heard someone moan... Life is not fair.God is not fair.I wasn't treated fairly. Its not fair that I have this affliction and on, and on. Whining? Maybe it is, but not necessarily.

Of course, there are situations that are truly unfair on a human level; murder, mental illness and needless hunger, rape, child pornography, slavery and prejudice, war, except in defense. These are things that humans do to other humans without the faintest regard for the basic rights and needs of an individual. They are crimes of the first order. Whenever I think that something in my life is unfair, I try to reflect on the people who are being affected by these astoundingly unfair issues through no fault of their own.

I think that our problem with the general concept of fairness may be that we are usually focusing on things that are so small in the scope of the human condition, that fairness is diluted and in some cases meaningless. I believe that God gave us larger gifts. To name a few, nature, the galaxies, the oceans and the skies, which are the foundations of our earthly home. Never forget His most precious gift, Jesus Christ.

“For God so loved the world He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should have everlasting life.”

- John 3:16

By any believers estimation these are more than fair gifts even if they were the only gifts we ever received.

When nature behaves badly and invades our bodies with disease, or throws up a tsunami from the depths of the ocean, fairness has nothing to do with it. It is a random act of nature among thousands that happen every day, just larger in impact. There are many thousands of other wonderful, magnificent events in nature for every single one gone awry.

So, the fairness we speak of so often is a micro-issue in the scope of the human condition. This does not diminish the tragedy or heartache of such events, it only takes the issue of fairness away from how we as humans deal with the aftermath. By eliminating the issue of whether it is fair, we can focus on the heart of recovery, which is to administer compassion, sooth our wounds with love, provide resources for the survivors, then begin again, secure in the love of God.

In spite of this, we must still take great care in our decisions about what is fair for us and especially what is fair for others. Although we are a small part of the universe, we are held responsible and able to manage our part with a view of consideration for our room mates, who are the rest of humanity. The first ingredient for fairness is to really care about something or someone besides yourself. The second is to consider those persons or things in every decision you make. The third is to make a difference by taking actions that are kind and that reflect how you would want and expect to be treated in the same situation.

Lastly, I believe we should try to avoid assigning blame when we speak of fairness. Blame is a judgement also.It offers up no solution to the problem and exacerbates the original issue by creating yet another judgement of fairness.Deal directly with the issue at hand, create a solution that will give the most peace humanly possible to your heart and mind, forgive when forgiveness is needed and move on to the future. Leave history in the past where it belongs.

If you truly have an issue where you have assigned blame that can not be forgiven by you (as many of us do), do not let it consume your life. Know that it exists, be proactive in how you intend to deal with the person in the future, apply your conviction to the decision and take it out of your stress file. If the relationship has deep importance to you, pray about it, give the issue some space and time then revisit forgiveness and reconciliation. Set boundries and rules for renewal, including a time for building trust and stick to them. Sometimes a relationship that has undergone this kind of scrutiny will prove to be one of your strongest. However, if all of these efforts fail, just let it go. You have not failed, the relationship is just not viable. As a last step in this process, allow yourself the peace you so richly deserve.

You are responsible for your own life once you become an adult. Fairness is your call. Ask God to help you with that.