COURAGE

I’m thinking about courage today and how it is displayed all around us every single day. Although it sometimes happens, I’m not talking about the courage to run into fires and save lives or sacrifice your life for another. I have a quieter, more subtle variety in mind. The kind that we summon up through pure faith every morning to face what the day has to offer and use it in the best way we can to dignify our lives and the lives of others. The kind your neighbor or friend has when facing a death in the family or their own mortality. The faith that lifts our hearts and gives us pause about doing anything but what is right.

My husband, Bill, who I married 9 years ago is one of these quiet courageous people. He has been living with an advanced neurological disorder called Dystonia, which gives him a great deal of pain, for the past 48 years. He was diagnosed as a child of 12 with the Generalized Dystonia, the most serious and invasive form of the illness. The entire trunk of his body is affected. He is unable to stay still even for a moment and has to focus 10 times harder than anyone else to do even a simple task like reading the newspaper. He was in a wheelchair at one time in his life (age 19), had two brain surgeries to eliminate emerging symptomatic muscular control behaviors so that he could get up and walk again. According to Bill, it is a miracle that he walks. To me, Bill is the miracle.

In spite of all of the above, Bill managed to graduate Dartmouth College, complete some Medical School courses at Buffalo, NY, where he decided the profession was too difficult to handle with his condition. He went on to educate himself as a computer programmer, got a job in Boston with a reputable company and spent 32 years as a Software Engineer for that same company. During all of this time, he never applied for disability or asked for any special consideration for his condition except for a high backed chair to work in. He managed to save enough for a decent retirement by living in a small apartment most of his working life while contributing the maximum amount of his income to his retirement that was allowable by law. He never wavered in his diligence to do this.

Bill left his position 4 years ago when he lost some use of his right hand and was experiencing much greater issues with pain and short term memory. He is unable to write any lengthy notes and signing is difficult. Dressing takes a lot of time.

Bill never fails to ask me how I am in the morning, check to see if I’m feeling alright during the day and offer to help me with whatever I am doing. In spite of his difficulty with writing, Bill still sends out about 200 Christmas cards every year. I do not do this for him. He starts in early October and persists each day until he finishes his list, writing notes of encouragement and good cheer to all of his oldest and best friends. If you take the time to have a conversation with him, Bill is one of the best listeners and most compassionate people I’ve ever known. He is not quick to make decisions, but when he makes one he sticks to it with uncanny determination.

I’ve had the privilege of participating in Bill’s life for over 10 years now. He prays for people who are not as fortunate as he is, gives praise out loud every day for the good things in his life and wards off depression and discouragement with great vigor. He loves to play sneaky, but never mean jokes on his friends and is quick with a smile. He rarely utters a curse word and prefers not to watch movies with foul language or disrespectful behavior. He never misses church unless I want to play hookie…or I’m sick. He will get up at a moment’s notice and travel anywhere with me. Lastly, he loves me in a way that is so obvious that loving him back is the most natural thing on earth.

I used Bill as my example of quiet courage because he’s a good one and he’s close to me. If you look around you though, you will find hundreds of stories like his. Living courageously does not require extreme action, it requires consistency and the ability to think outside of yourself. Try to listen to your friend, your spouse, your neighbor and your co-workers and identify the courageous people in your life. They are your best source of encouragement to be the person you are meant to be.