The Benefit of Simplification

The dynamics of interaction with God and our human family affect each individual’s psychological development in both wonderful and frightening ways. Today I’d like to explore a small trove of personal ideas for healthy living with the goal of unlocking and releasing long held stressors that may be affecting our collective health and well being.

A necessary disclaimer is that I’m not a trained psychologist or other medical professional, and that all of this material is either from personal experience or personal opinion based on staying alive for the last 58+ years subject to an ever-changing and sometimes explosive family life. Many of these experiences were positive, and overall I can’t say that I’ve lived an unhappy life. My life at present, like most, is filled with challenges but I am also filled with love, peace and a sense of well-being that was a long time coming. All suggestions are offered with an open heart as an expression of my faith in humanity and the hope this information will make things a little better for someone. It helps me.

There is an art to being satisfied both in family life and life in general. The formula for me lies in two things: a cultivated ability to categorize life stressors, analyze their importance in my life and take positive steps to make the stress go away and the constant counting of the blessings I have in my life in comparison to negative experiences.

You may be saying, “Well, no duh…this is an over-rated and simplistic way to state a solution to a very complicated set of ongoing issues.” You are right. However, I have to reply that sometimes the faithful practice of simple solutions are the best path to a clear understanding of the complications in life.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I take on a complicated project with multiple rules, complicated language and political and psychological innuendo crawling all over it, one of two things happens; I throw up my hands in total disgust and walk away, or I meet the challenge with a welcoming attitude and start trying to boil it down to its most SIMPLE form and start from there. The second strategy is almost always successful for me. This is true of both projects that have a beginning and an end, and of family and personal issues that are more fluid and tend to evolve rather than be solved.

Every expert writes about how the family environment has a profound effect on how we behave as adults. I don’t disagree with this. We need to be conscious of our affect on young minds both in what we say and how we act. I wish I had been mature enough as a parent to realize this fully, but regrets aside, I have to work from the knowledge base I achieved later in life. We also need to develop a consciousness of our own developmental legacy, why we are the person we are, why we make the decisions we make and whether the influences we are following are healthy for us.

Part of this process is to separate the bad from the good. Put the bad into a reference database to be used for guidance in future decisions. Keep the good close at hand to generate life decisions based on positive results, planning, reality, and lastly circumstances controlled by personal skill and compassion for others who your decisions may affect.

We’ve all heard those sayings; “A place for everything and everything in its place.” Anon

Or, from the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-3:8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I would boldly interpret, asking God for permission, that there is a time to take all the things we have learned from these experiences, then generate peace and understanding around us by letting go of what ails us, keeps us from positive affirmation and stops us from being fulfilled in our lives.

Being an analytical person by nature I am a big believer in thought processes. Even though I usually don’t put it in writing, if I did, the process would look something like this for me:

GOOD
(BLESSINGS TO KEEP)

God in my life
Affirmative Statement: God gives me everything. Thanking God for my blessings, asking for His forgiveness and His guidance should be the first thing I do every single day and the last thing I do at night. If you want peace, find faith in God and make a lifelong effort to follow Christ to the very best of your ability. Remember that we are all sinners, all in need of salvation and all the children of God. Forgiveness is not earned, but given to us.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

Family
Affirmative Statement: No one is an island and family, even though they are not always choices in your life, are your most important and lifelong influences. Pamper them, cultivate their love, love them back, be compassionate with them and EXPECT the best from them.

Work
Affirmative Statement: Includes avocation. For example: I am retired and I must consider that the things I do every day are important and worthy of mention. I make an effort to share what I know and give others a chance to teach me what they have learned. I pay attention to my neighbors and my community and I share my resources when possible. If you are not retired, this means giving your best effort every day to the task at hand. When you fail, it means trying again the next day to do your best and putting the failure to rest.

LOVE
Affirmative Statement: Love is something you receive in return for what you give. It is not something you can force, but it is something you can both learn and cultivate. Giving in this case does not necessarily mean “things”, it means giving of yourself and your own unique gifts in life; sharing, showing compassion and many times assuming a burden for the sake of another. It also means accepting love from others with thankfulness and humility.

REST
Affirmative Statement: Rest is not laziness and is required for health and continued productivity. It renews your body, your spirit and your mind and makes you a worthy instrument to carry out both God’s purpose for you and your own goals for your life and your family.

BAD
(JUNK TO STORE FOR REFERENCE)

Sins
Rationale: I am forgiven by the blood of Christ and must not forget his suffering for the sake of my salvation.

Failures
Rationale: Only steps to successes anyway!

Failure to Forgive
Rationale: It is a great stressor to carry the burdens of distrust, hate, prejudice and judgment around with you. It is misplacement of energy that can be used to make your life positive and productive. If you can not forgive, give the issue time and go back to it again (in the sense of a reference) and see if you can see it in a different light. If time will not heal the issue, it’s between you and God. Remember that what you can not cure is not as worthy a cause as the things that you can do something about. Focus elsewhere.

Laziness
Rationale: When you fail to take action, you can never receive the benefit of action. Only you can determine what is needed here…not all of us demand the same things in life, but remember that you reap what you sow.

Anger and Hatefulness
Rationale: A completely human response, but an utterly useless waste of time and energy. If you experience anger, get it over with quickly, don’t let it manifest itself in abuse or misuse of other people and resources, forgive yourself and get over it. Change or avoid the circumstances that made you angry in the first place if you can, then plan for behavior that will keep you from being angry next time. If your level of anger rises to hatefulness, take some serious alone time…step back from the situation and take a deep breath. This is dangerous, harmful, stressful behavior.


I am not pretentious enough to believe that this simple chart can cure the ailments of humanity. But I am hopeful enough that I believe it’s a step at looking at your place in the world and finding out what’s important to you, what you can fix or work on and which things are just not worth the energy to consider including in your life. Thinking about your life in a considerate way is the first step to living it in the way that makes you happy.

For my heroes/ heroines who have stayed with me through this entire process (the 3 people who actually read this blog, lol), I have one more piece of advice: Educate yourself, educate yourself, then educate yourself. You need knowledge of God to accept and maintain the principles of faith, knowledge of the earth to maintain your place in it, knowledge of your fellow man to understand what it is to be human, knowledge of healthy principles to be healthy and knowledge of behaviors to behave appropriately.

These are the things that form our principles, form a base for the decisions we make and ultimately give us our unique identity as a person. Without the right knowledge, you can’t form a valid opinion, create a work of art or find your way to the local grocery store. Validate and affirm yourself by faith, by experience, by knowledge and by acts of compassion and love.

That’s why you have a vessel called the mind. Fill it.