rockingrama (Paula) 8/20/2006

About Time

Time has been on my mind lately. It’s not particularly unusual because I recently had a birthday and that always brings up the subject. What makes it more interesting is how a person’s view of time changes with age.

I used to view time as the enemy. There was never enough of it to pack in my musts, wants, needs and desires. It was too easy to waste, quick to slip away and a crafty thief of uninitiated dreams. It was also filled with predetermined expectations that often conflicted with my will.

Time was not my enemy, I was. The truth is that we have enough time for anything that we truly want.

Time is the universal gift that belongs to each of us regardless of circumstance, gender, race or abilities. Even a person who has limited time to live or who is restricted in their ability to move freely within the bounds of time has the unique freedom to use it to improve, to inform and to correct the direction of their own thought processes. Great literary works have been produced during incarceration, when the authors clearly had no control over circumstance but a lot of time on hand. Some examples are the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Dostoyevsky and Paul’s letters to the Corinthians. Stephen Hawking is a paraplegic who suffers from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) and in defiance of this progressive condition that has robbed him of both physical abilities and his voice, he has married twice, raised a family and become one of the most respected cosmologist’s of all time. He defied the prison of his own body and used his mind to create the life he imagined.

I’m not suggesting that every person can become as significant in their accomplishments as these individuals. I am suggesting that approaching the use of time with the right attitude and a lot of respect can improve anyone’s life condition.

My observation is that time is really static (in a theoretical sense) and it is we that are moving through it. The markers are the solid bodies of the universe…planets, earth, stars. Somewhere in between these solid bodies, there is space to be filled. Time resides in the floes of space and that is where we live, in time. When we come into the world, time has been here before us and when we go out time remains. In this sense, even when the world ends, time will remain. It is only the places, things and events of our own creation that we can not revisit because they are a temporary condition of a very specific place in time that depends entirely on our support. When we move on, they cease to exist in the way that we knew them. Time remains constant and waits for the next tenant.
Scientifically, these thoughts are probably flawed. I am not qualified to say. Philosophically, it makes a lot of sense to me. When you think of all of the gifts that God gave us, certainly time is among them.

So the problem we face is how to be a good tenant in this moment, on this day so that we don’t need to look back and regret what can’t be recovered. Looking forward is one way to cope; making plans for the future, envisioning the things that make you happy and that you are willing to spend your time working to get. By things I mean literally everything that you can imagine…faith, love, relationships, education, money and possessions that mean something to your life. Remembering your past is one thing that can help you prepare for the future, but the trick is to remember it in a useful way as your history. Never limit your dreams for the future by what time holds in your past.

Daily use of a portion of your time to build a future is the only way to ensure a vision. If you would be a singer, sing. If you pursue excellence in your field, strive to perfect. There is no surer path to the goal. If you have obstacles to overcome, exercise your mind and your heart daily by practicing hope, faith and confidence until you climb the mountain, even if the climb is steep and rocky. God is always with you and the place that you are in at this very moment is the place you need to be to realize His purpose for you.

Now there is the moment; the very moment that we are living. What can be done to make it count? I have come to the realization that at least for me, all moments have equal weight in time. Some are filled with elation, some with sorrow, a few with regret, most with love and all with a lingering sense of not being a finished product. Each moment is important, each is a gift to be respected and spent in thoughtful consideration of its value.

Does this mean that every single breath I take must be dedicated to some higher purpose or all is lost? No. It means that I must deliberately determine how to bring value into the space that is mine. I can choose to sleep because it is a pleasurable experience that refreshes my mind and my body. I can choose to read or study, to do the dishes or mop the floors, to call a friend or help a neighbor. I can choose to express my love to the people who are the core of my life, to nurture my garden or to attend to my health. I can choose to relax and just take the time to look around at what my life is right now.

The point is that time is a commodity as solid as a bank account and it works much the same way. What you put in, you get out with interest. Like the bank account, what we can put in is limited by our own resources. The checks we write against our time account won’t bounce, but unwisely spent, they will sap our physical, mental and psychological reserves until they are a shadow of the potential that resides in us from birth.

As usual I have some advice, given with a light but very serious heart.

There is honor in all of the things that you do that are sightly before God and that support or enhance your happiness and well being in this life.

Take time to pray. Even if you don’t hear God’s voice, His will is with you.

Comparing or judging is a waste of precious time that you could use to love or encourage.

You can affect another person’s whole life by a simple word or smile at the right moment.

You should never shape your life to mirror someone else’s standard; creating your own standard is a life’s work. If your life looks too much like someone else’s, whose is it?

This moment does count and it can never be recovered if you change your mind or ignore it.

You are never a finished product and can always use work.

Forgive yourself and move on when you make a mistake.

Stop and smell those proverbial roses, even if it’s on your way to work.

Make the time for all people and things worth your time.

Be in the moment.

Concrete Dreams

Concrete Dreams

Dreams are both the fabric of imagination and the breeding ground for emotional chaos. The reasons people are so captivated by dreams are that:

a) You never know what you are going to get, and
b) There are no lies in dreams.

One could argue about b), or say that imagination is in fact a lie. Having given this subject considerable thought, I say that we don’t have enough control to lie to ourselves in a dreaming state, so every dream contains essential truth. Item a) is indisputable. Even in biblical times dreams came as confusing bites of information that wanted interpretation.

In my lifetime my dreams have changed dramatically. Childhood dreams were fanciful images of what I would be as an adult, how I would act, who would be in my life. During my teens I remember darker dreams of uncertain futures, strangers and untenable situations. As a mother I dreamed of my children, of their future, of my work and of where these things were leading me. As a woman alone I dreamed of possibilities, but feared the probabilities more and it affected my sleep severely. As a mature adult, my dreams are more like prayers for the future and are seldom very personal. There are occasional dreams of regret and sorrow, but mostly I am at peace and just want the world to take this journey with me.

One theory I’ve heard is that we do not dream in color. Mine, good or bad, are in Technicolor and on large screen. They are real, vivid and emotional and I believe they affect my psyche, at least for a short while. If I am afraid or think I’m being watched for example, I can wake up literally paralyzed and holding my breath…unable to talk or scream until my brain re-establishes my location and situation. If I am dreaming of the good things in my family, I will wake refreshed and be in a loving and giving mood. If the dream is scattered and disassociated from real people and places, I find that my day can be affected by this disorganization of thought. If the dream is creative and imaginative I find myself searching all day for the root substance so that I can put it into action.

My weirdest dreams are of numbers and solutions to puzzles of one sort or another. It’s like a full day’s work to get through these because they are literally “working” dreams. If I have a problem in life or need to think through a series of possible outcomes for a situation, you can bet that “sleeping on it” will provide the answer.

These are the dreams that are out of our control. They are motivated by an accumulation of events, experience, psychological anomalies and personal needs that are too complicated for Freud, much less an armchair thinker like me. While I will continue to delve into my own dreams, I would not dare venture into yours.

There is another kind of dream though. I call it the waking dream. This is the one where we are fully awake and aware of our surroundings. It is also a knowing dream; one where it is fully possible to control what the dream is about and where it goes. It is a concrete dream in that it is possible to mold the dream into reality.

The concrete dream is one that you choose carefully, that you love to think of and that you want to be a part of your life enough that you will commit fully to the things that need to be done to make it reality. It is a marriage to self that includes a vow that you will see the dream through to its ultimate conclusion. It is an inspiration worth holding close to your heart and it has value to your future. This dream has so much significance that you can not be swayed by inconveniences, delays or the allure of switching destination. It is a dream that you first hope, then plan, then put into action; one that you complete and one that produces a tangible product or achievement that you can see, touch and feel. It is a visualization of what your life can and will be with the dream realized. Although it can be inspired or supported by outsiders, like family or friends, it can not be changed in any way by their doubts or disbelief. It belongs to you.

The dream can be simple and short term or extremely complicated and long term. It can be artistic, educational, creative, faith-based or goal inspired. The key is that it must create happiness not only in the completion, but in the making because that is what keeps it concrete. If you want to be a good baker, you have to love to cook. If you want to be a good lawyer, you must understand and revere the law. If you want to create an environment, you need a space to fill. Dreams are the same.

These dreams are different than your sleep dreams in two ways:

1. You always know what you are going to get.


2. You are responsible for creating the truth in this dream. It comes from your cognizant self.

If, like me, you are a person who learned the wrong lessons about dreams early in life, you may be a late achiever. I thought that high-minded hopes were for other people who were more equipped by money or birth to get what they wanted in life. More significantly, I was taught to methodically deny myself any dream that did not fit in the smallness of my current life and to accept what is rather than fighting for what should be. This was not sabotage, but a way of coping that is common to many people without significant resources to change their circumstance. Do not be undermined by this mind set. Resources become apparent with the advancement of your goals. You can and will find ways to make your life what you want it to be if you start with reality and build on it one step at a time.

Keeping your head and heart in reality while you hold the dream together is the hardest part. Our situations in life are as varied as the stars at night. Some of us will give up a great career that we hate to change his/her lifestyle, some will step down from the limelight to lift up the hearts of others, some will start many times because the goal is not defined or they are trying to fulfill someone else’s vision. Some will start from an abyss and will have to have the strength to ask for help along the way. Many will never understand. No one will ever achieve a single dream without taking the challenge step by step and embracing each small victory. If you want to paint a masterpiece, learn to draw a box first…get some perspective. Celebrate, but don’t get stuck on the box, put something in it, give it color, create a background, frame it and hang it, observe and enjoy it. Choose every aspect of the object. Choose your dream and choose your path; you will be living a concrete dream before you know what happened.

Rain and Renewal

Rain and Renewal – January 2006

I woke up this morning to the sound of a down-pouring rain here in Texas. Lord what a wonderful sight! It is perhaps the end of a terrible drought that tendered wildfires, drained water resources and robbed many small town West Texas residents of their homes and livelihood.  I thank God for this wet reprieve.  It’s funny how a dreary, wet day can be such a glorified blessing under the right circumstance.

Rain is a universal symbol of cleansing and renewal. This rainy day is symbolic for me as well.  I have been suffering from writer’s block (otherwise known as lack of inspiration, or laziness, or perhaps a little depression) for a couple of weeks now.  I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows, mostly having to do with family issues, but some admittedly caused by spiraling middle-age hormone imbalances. Something about the fresh, clean sheets of water falling from the sky put my mind back into drive space and lifted my heart once again.

From our office window I see green peeking out of the dried brown winter grass and new leaves on the bottom of all the perennials in the garden.  The sidewalks and driveway appear washed and shiny with glistening water.  I can smell the freshness, even inside the house. Opening the door brings a waft of cool, fresh, oxygenated air that smells like spring.  Mind you, it’s only the 28th of January, so this is a very welcome sensation. It’s also a reminder that God is always there for us and reveals Himself in the details of our every day lives.  We just need to open our eyes and breathe to realize His presence.

I believe that the Creator’s gifts are always in our midst, but the choice of how to use them is ours.  The field is there to cultivate, but if you leave it fallow and fail to plow and plant, no crop will grow.  The field will still be there, will still be a piece of creation, will still have it’s own serenity and beauty; but the point will be missed and it’s usefulness will be diminished by a lack of understanding by men. The miracle of faith for me is that God continues to give and to uphold the promise He gave us through the blood of Christ.  

Regardless of faith, or the lack of faith, one must subscribe to the reality that the state of our lives is interdependent on the state of our mind and heart.  What we do, where we go, who we choose as associates, what we give up to others, how we act out the challenges of life and how much of ourselves we are willing to invest to create value in our lives are the ingredients that act together as a formula for success or failure.  The good news is that unlike a failed cake recipe, you get to change this mix as often as you wish during your lifetime.  The decision to change in a positive direction is the refreshing, renewing rain in our lives.

One could argue that this is a statement of privilege and that circumstances often prevent people from realizing what is in their heart.  I am the last to deny that difficult circumstances can affect progress. However, it is true that, even in the direst of circumstance, you are able by your own power to uplift what is in your mind and your heart. You have the ability to reject failure, deny sin, create and practice your values, be a friend, worship, educate and edify yourself through the simplest of actions.  That action is to use your mind and your heart in its fullest capacity for every decision you make.  

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, invest in your future by investing your greatest personal resource, which is your ability to think and feel, into a daily plan for improvement. Even the smallest of actions toward the direction of your heart will take you toward your goals. A prayer, a letter, a phone call you need to make, research for knowledge that will help your cause, kindness or help given to a stranger and even a simple smile are steps toward a better life.  If you do this, your circumstance will become a product of who you have become and it will change dramatically in a positive direction.

When you come in out of the rain, I wish you renewal and happiness with God’s blessing.