Rockingrama's Reflections Revived

2010-09-27T22:39:00.001-05:00

Arizona Vacation Pics, Sept 2010 - Painted Mountain Resort

2010-09-27T22:35:00.000-05:00

Breathing Life Into A (frankly) Old Revival

2010-01-10T19:05:00.066-06:00

Wow! Where did that two years go? I checked in for New Years 2007, then life went into high gear for a few months and here we are in 2010. Last time I posted was 2008 and that was just a photo update. Circumstance came calling and took me for a whirl!

To answer my own question; I had a number of significant and time consuming things happen in my life, including the following:
*The passing of my husband's father in early January, 2007. He was 95.
*The birth of twin grandbabies in July of 2007...one of my last posts includes pictures of them within a day or so of their birth. We spent 6 weeks helping Mom and getting to know the babies before coming home to Texas from Colorado and enjoyed every minute of it! Their first Christmas was spent at our house and I had a great time getting ready for the family and just enjoying these new little people.
*A late summer 2007 family reunion at my cousins ranch in Bowie, Texas...where all but one of the 5 remaining cousins from my mother's side and their families had a really rewarding weekend.
*Knee replacement surgery...my second, in March of 2008 followed by weeks of rehab afterward. My sweet cousin Carolyn came down from Dallas and spent a month and a half with us acting as chaffeur and day care assistant until I could get fully on my feet and driving again.
*An auto trip back to Upstate New York for Bill's Dads memorial, a 10 day stay in Boston with a side trip up to Portland, Me, 7 days in Connecticut with my son and his family, 4 days in southern New Jersey with Bill's cousins, and a lovely trip back through the Appalachians with a stop in Nashville to see grandchildren and the Grand Ole' Opry, an overnighter in Memphis and home again through devastated Louisanna.
*The end of May 2008 we traveled to Branson to meet family for mother's day. We had a grand time with family, but not because we were in Branson (more on that another time). I guess I'm just not old enough to appreciate the talent niche there yet. Give me rock and roll any day.
*Nov 2008 was our trip to Ormond Beach and I did manage to post a picture here. My only nephew got married in St. Augustine, Florida and we were there for both the festivities and a week at the beach. Again the grandchildren came and stayed at our time share with us and it was a special time with them.
*Jan 1, 2009, my gall bladder went haywire and I ended up in the hospital in Colorado having emergency surgery after a really wonderful Christmas visit with my family.
*February 2009, Bill and I took off in our trusty Honda to Las Vegas via the Grand Canyon and other notable points. We spent a few days afterward in Henderson with Bill's cousin and his wife, toured the desert and lakes around the area and headed for Phoenix. This was just a pass thru for us, but we had a hotel across from a big entertainment and restaurant complex in Glendale, where we managed to spend several hours dining well, listening to outdoor entertainment and catching a good movie. From there we spent a night in New Mexico, then headed further south and spent two nights and three days in Marathon, TX at the Gage Hotel. I'd highly recommend them if you get down that way. Our purpose was to enjoy Big Bend and we did just that. Beautiful dessert landscape and a lifestyle pretty much untouched by the hustle/bustle of now. A stayover in Fredericksburg, TX and a stop by the famous infamous Luchenbach, TX and we were on our way home. I think we were on the road about 18 days total. A good test of "will the knee work on long trips?", and it wasn't any stiffer or in worse pain than the other knee, which I had replaced in 2004 in Boston.
*March of 2009 we traveled to Nashville, TN to check out a symposium on Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS), which is a neurologic surgery my husband was considering to help him with his Dystonia. He has had the illness since he was a young boy and we were hopeful that this would be the answer for some relief for him. Long story short after coming home and going through an extensive battery of tests, it turns out that the risks for him in particular are more than he is willing to take right now. So we've switched horses and the end of this month he will have a baclofen pump implanted if a trial run with the meds work out for him. This is an embeded delivery system that pumps medication directly into the spinal fluid and has been effective in reliving severe spascisity for many patients. We are very hopeful that it will help Bill too.
*We spent the long hot summer here in Texas (one of the hottest on record for this area with 75 days over 100 degrees....whew!) but took a break for Thanksgiving and went back up to Colorado to visit the twins again. They are 3 1/2 now...hard to believe, but do the math. I have more family there...two other daughters, my sis and her husband, their two grown children and my new grand nephew, who is now about 5 months old. How time does fly. I also have a son who lives with his family in Connecticut and grandchildren in Tennessee, who we hope will be at the next family gathering.
*Noteworthy as well is the fact that my grandson Dwight married his long time sweetheart Heather in August in Tennessee. Unfortunately we were unable to go to the wedding since we had just visited Tennessee in March, but the blessing in this is that we did get to visit with Dwight, Heather and my other grandson Corey while we were there. We missed seeing their sister Amber, but hope it won't be too long before we have another opportunity.
*Between the lines above, all of our normal life and not a few real life dramas occurred that pulled my energy back into family and away from some of the activities I enjoy, including this blog. Something had to give somewhere.

All in all I must say that we have been blessed and faring well though and I am so very thankful to be here. I have the blog on my radar for twice a week and I'll try to tackle more engaging subjects in the future. It's nice to be baaaaaaaaack!

A Special New Year - 2007

2007-01-02T10:22:00.000-06:00

When I woke up and looked outside this morning, my world was pretty much the same. This world that we all share had a birthday yesterday though, and I am big on celebrating birthdays. There are so many opportunities in the ritual of celebration; giving thanks for blessings present and past, sharing with family and friends, reminescing about the past, planning for the future, thinking about how you can affect change or achieve dreams. I think of these celebrations as being a lot like bookmarks for your life...marking your place in life, but serving the higher purpose of moving you forward toward another rewarding chapter.
2007 is special for me because I will turn 60 this year. What an awsome number! I was born in March of 1947, an early baby boomer. So I am among the first of this classified generation to see retirement, maybe one of the last who will receive at least some Social Security benefits, maybe. I remember listening to comics being read on the radio as a small child, watching Eisenhower's innaugaration on our first TV with my parents when I was about 5, being scared of the cold war politics and chaos in the Bay of Pigs in Jr. High, getting a transistor radio (the big thing) for Christmas, watching in horror as John F. Kennedy was shot and crying in sympathy when his brother Bobby met the same end. I experienced a turn to cynicism in my political views during the Viet Nam war, confirmed by Watergate and never fully repaired by succeeding presidents.
I gave up my bra, wore my hair long, grew a garden and ate a lot of brown rice in the late 60's and early 70's. I experimented in my religious convictions, leaned toward buddhism for many years and found my way back to the arms of the one and only Savior, Jesus Christ. I moved through generations of music, through the radio and a small phonograph that played 45's (anyone remember those?), a piano my parents made payments on for at least 10 years, and a progression of hi-fi, radio and stereo equipment that would fill a room if I still had all of it. My first 45's were Gene Autry singing cowboy songs, then Fats Domino belting out Blueberry Hill and the progression never ended. I now have a collection of about 1000 CD's and listen constantly to Rhapsody on my computer.
I watched intently as Armstrong, Young and Aldren sent video back from the moon. The NASA site is still one of my favorites for video...there is such perspective on the fragility of life and our small part in it when you view it from space, but I'm not beyond enjoying a laugh on UTube. I've graduated from Roy Rogers and Perry Mason on television to CSI, Forensic Files and a constant perusing of CNN and MSNBC on TV and the internet. I've learned to block commercial content by taping and watching later. I own a cell phone and a PDA with GPS and can counterspeak in corporate acronyms when necessary. My ancillary hard drive is bigger than the one in my CPU. I still don't know Jack about how we get in or out of the messes we are in, like Iraq, which will in my humble opinion never be "solved" by our current strategy. Also, I think if you shoot at each other, the word for it is war. Refinements are an insult to those who have to endure the process.
I graduated through the steps of current technology starting with an antiquated Remington typewriter (even then), graduated to electric models, add punch tape technology for bookkeeping, mag card and IBM punch card feeds, bookkeeping machines the size of a small room, huge roomsized mainframe computers , personal computers with no more memory than the dashboard in your car and now the evolution of the internet and almost instant access to anything you want anytime you want it. I suffered through DOS queries and calling people up on the phone to find out why the internet didn't work. I survived all of these little steps in life and lived through the loss of my first husband when I was 23, a divorce when I was 38, the loss of my dear younger brother Jack to AIDS when I was 45...he was 35, the passing of both of my parents at ages too young to be taken, and too many personal trials to fit this space.
I also gained the world I live in now, which would not have been possible without the past. I raised four beautiful children who are the core of my heart and mean everything to me. I now have 5 grandchilren and 3 step-grandchildren. I've remarried to a wonderful husband that I met on the internet in 1995 and married in 1996. Our 11th anniversary will be April 27, 2007. We were a rarity (the way we met) at the time and now you hear of internet romances daily. I like to think of us as pioneers in that way, instead of dinosaurs. Love lives on though and I am thankful everyday for him and my family. I am happy in my life except for things that I can not change and I have learned to live with those in the best way possible, day to day.
Fortunate is a word that does not fully describe how I feel at this juncture in my life. I am constantly aware not only of my own blessings, but of the roots and circumstances I came from and the knowledge that there are countless numbers of people who still have no opportunity for the privileges I enjoy or the simple basics that sustain life. This is not a problem I can solve individually, but I believe in Mother Theresa's words "If you can't feed many, feed one." With that in mind, I do what I can to help one day at a time. I also believe in the responsibility of stewardship for the gifts and accomplishments that are a part of our lives. This year, I will write more about stewardship and appreciation and about paying attention to this moment, which can never be recovered once it is past.
With that thought I will close for today, so that I can make the best use of THIS moment and get ready for a dentist appointment.
God bless and keep you throughout the new year!
Paula

Family Pics from our trip.

2006-09-04T13:37:00.000-05:00

Addison and Peyton, about 1 week old.

Awake!

My grandaughter, Amber Hewitt, who will turn 20 Nov 9. We were privileged to have her visiting with us while we were in Colorado. She was a big help and it was great to see her. The twins are her new little cousins.

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Rockingrama's Reflections: rockingrama (Paula) Updated 9/4/2006

2006-08-20T13:32:00.000-05:00

Rockingrama's Reflections: rockingrama (Paula)
Hello netfriends! It's been a while. My husband and I have been traveling around the country, back and forth from Texas where we live to Florida, then Colorado, then Kansas and back home again. It was a fun time filled with family and new experiences, but we are both more than ready to be back and into our zone of familiar friends and routines. Funny how a person looks forward so much to vacation time but looks forward just as much to getting back to the routine they escaped. Is this a loop???, hmmm....maybe worth further consideration. Another time.

Our Florida trip was almost a month long and we combined many things we've been wanting to do with visits to Bill's family in Lakeland and mine in St. Augustine. Between Lakeland and St. Augustine we spent time at our timeshare in Orlando and participated in some of the local hoopla, including Kennedy Space Center and Water World. Mostly we just hung at the resort though because everything we wanted was really there. We had a great view of the lake from our screened in veranda and plenty of opportunities for fine (and not so fine) dining and viewing the beauty that is all around you in Central Florida. It's not my cup of tea for a place to live, but visiting is always nice.

We drove on both of our trips. They were planned well in advance of the gas hikes and we decided we would still be slightly ahead going by car. The trip across the southern states on I-10 was a grim reminder of the tragedy of Katrina. It appears that some progress is being made but I can't imagine a full healing of the affected area for years to come. I'm just praying that they are not hit again this hurricane season and that the levees and dams will be in full repair the next time an act of God brings a storm. My gosh...where are all of these people that were displaced? How are they doing now? The answers we get in the media just don't seem to suffice for the scope of human difficulties that must remain. Let's not forget this wonderful part of our country.

We were home from Florida only 3 weeks when we got the call from my daughter in Colorado that her twins were going to be delivered within a day. We had promised her a month to help them get settled with the twins and put her on the path to healing and we delivered as promised. It was a wonderful month, full of activity. My most significant contribution, I think, was just to get meals to the table and be there for moral support. Bill felt a little out of his element, but hung in like a champ and really enjoyed being around these new little lives. Both of us were exhausted and ready for home by the end of our month. By the same token, it was really hard to leave these grandparent duties and feelings behind for now. I'm having trouble posting the babies' pictures within the blog, so will post them independently...just can't resist!

Coming home brought new challenges...especially outside. The garden was so overgrown that I was surprised we didn't have a letter in our mailbox from the community association. It was time to change the filters on everthing in the house and two days into our return the compressor went out on our air conditioning and we had to have it replaced. In a record setting month for heat (24 days over 100 and an average temp of 100.7 overall), this is not a laughing matter. We got great service though and put the matter to rest in a day. So...we called our yard service and got some help with the yard, which is now mulched, trimmed, fertilized, fungus free and replanted for fall...more pictures to come...and went to work on the inside of the house to get ready for a visit from my son and his wife from Connecticut. Between all these obvious tasks we worked in doctor's appointments, started physical therapy for arthritis issues both of us are having and tried to renew our commitment to getting down to the fitness center for swimming sessions in the afternoon hours. We're still working on the last one.

Our cat (even though she has a loving petsitter) was mad as a hatter because we had been gone so long. This lasted about 5 minutes though and she was back into our normal routine of petting, feeding, snuggling, etc. I noticed that freefeeding her during our absence had put a little weight on her, then checked my own thunderous thighs for the changes that being on the road can bring. I think I won. Shoot!

Priorities now include catching up on my responsibilities as coordinator for the adult activities group at our church, trying to finish my Texas Real Estate License course I ordered from UT Arlington online educational services at the beginning of the summer, getting my blogs back on track from a long absence and trying to keep my health up to par. I am hoping to add at least one class from the Senior University at Texas Southwestern University here in Georgetown this winter.

The older daughter of my three often poses the question to me.."What are you doing Mom?" Her tone is one of disbelief that I am busy after retirement. I guess the answer is that I can't imagine what was getting missed when I was working because I am very satisfied just living life and having the freedom to choose what I do. That includes working again if I want to. For now, retirement is A OK. I feel blessed.

Next week our adult activities at church kick off with a luncheon at Southwestern, then we are off to Mo Ranch in Hunt, Texas near Kerrville mid-month for an annual all-church retreat. The fun begins!

See you again soon.

God bless and keep you till then.

Paula

rockingrama (Paula) 8/20/2006

2006-08-20T13:09:00.000-05:00

About Time

2006-03-22T00:26:00.000-06:00

Time has been on my mind lately. It’s not particularly unusual because I recently had a birthday and that always brings up the subject. What makes it more interesting is how a person’s view of time changes with age.

I used to view time as the enemy. There was never enough of it to pack in my musts, wants, needs and desires. It was too easy to waste, quick to slip away and a crafty thief of uninitiated dreams. It was also filled with predetermined expectations that often conflicted with my will.

Time was not my enemy, I was. The truth is that we have enough time for anything that we truly want.

Time is the universal gift that belongs to each of us regardless of circumstance, gender, race or abilities. Even a person who has limited time to live or who is restricted in their ability to move freely within the bounds of time has the unique freedom to use it to improve, to inform and to correct the direction of their own thought processes. Great literary works have been produced during incarceration, when the authors clearly had no control over circumstance but a lot of time on hand. Some examples are the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Dostoyevsky and Paul’s letters to the Corinthians. Stephen Hawking is a paraplegic who suffers from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) and in defiance of this progressive condition that has robbed him of both physical abilities and his voice, he has married twice, raised a family and become one of the most respected cosmologist’s of all time. He defied the prison of his own body and used his mind to create the life he imagined.

I’m not suggesting that every person can become as significant in their accomplishments as these individuals. I am suggesting that approaching the use of time with the right attitude and a lot of respect can improve anyone’s life condition.

My observation is that time is really static (in a theoretical sense) and it is we that are moving through it. The markers are the solid bodies of the universe…planets, earth, stars. Somewhere in between these solid bodies, there is space to be filled. Time resides in the floes of space and that is where we live, in time. When we come into the world, time has been here before us and when we go out time remains. In this sense, even when the world ends, time will remain. It is only the places, things and events of our own creation that we can not revisit because they are a temporary condition of a very specific place in time that depends entirely on our support. When we move on, they cease to exist in the way that we knew them. Time remains constant and waits for the next tenant.
Scientifically, these thoughts are probably flawed. I am not qualified to say. Philosophically, it makes a lot of sense to me. When you think of all of the gifts that God gave us, certainly time is among them.

So the problem we face is how to be a good tenant in this moment, on this day so that we don’t need to look back and regret what can’t be recovered. Looking forward is one way to cope; making plans for the future, envisioning the things that make you happy and that you are willing to spend your time working to get. By things I mean literally everything that you can imagine…faith, love, relationships, education, money and possessions that mean something to your life. Remembering your past is one thing that can help you prepare for the future, but the trick is to remember it in a useful way as your history. Never limit your dreams for the future by what time holds in your past.

Daily use of a portion of your time to build a future is the only way to ensure a vision. If you would be a singer, sing. If you pursue excellence in your field, strive to perfect. There is no surer path to the goal. If you have obstacles to overcome, exercise your mind and your heart daily by practicing hope, faith and confidence until you climb the mountain, even if the climb is steep and rocky. God is always with you and the place that you are in at this very moment is the place you need to be to realize His purpose for you.

Now there is the moment; the very moment that we are living. What can be done to make it count? I have come to the realization that at least for me, all moments have equal weight in time. Some are filled with elation, some with sorrow, a few with regret, most with love and all with a lingering sense of not being a finished product. Each moment is important, each is a gift to be respected and spent in thoughtful consideration of its value.

Does this mean that every single breath I take must be dedicated to some higher purpose or all is lost? No. It means that I must deliberately determine how to bring value into the space that is mine. I can choose to sleep because it is a pleasurable experience that refreshes my mind and my body. I can choose to read or study, to do the dishes or mop the floors, to call a friend or help a neighbor. I can choose to express my love to the people who are the core of my life, to nurture my garden or to attend to my health. I can choose to relax and just take the time to look around at what my life is right now.

The point is that time is a commodity as solid as a bank account and it works much the same way. What you put in, you get out with interest. Like the bank account, what we can put in is limited by our own resources. The checks we write against our time account won’t bounce, but unwisely spent, they will sap our physical, mental and psychological reserves until they are a shadow of the potential that resides in us from birth.

As usual I have some advice, given with a light but very serious heart.

There is honor in all of the things that you do that are sightly before God and that support or enhance your happiness and well being in this life.

Take time to pray. Even if you don’t hear God’s voice, His will is with you.

Comparing or judging is a waste of precious time that you could use to love or encourage.

You can affect another person’s whole life by a simple word or smile at the right moment.

You should never shape your life to mirror someone else’s standard; creating your own standard is a life’s work. If your life looks too much like someone else’s, whose is it?

This moment does count and it can never be recovered if you change your mind or ignore it.

You are never a finished product and can always use work.

Forgive yourself and move on when you make a mistake.

Stop and smell those proverbial roses, even if it’s on your way to work.

Make the time for all people and things worth your time.

Be in the moment.

Concrete Dreams

2006-03-01T15:54:00.000-06:00

Concrete Dreams

Dreams are both the fabric of imagination and the breeding ground for emotional chaos. The reasons people are so captivated by dreams are that:

a) You never know what you are going to get, and
b) There are no lies in dreams.

One could argue about b), or say that imagination is in fact a lie. Having given this subject considerable thought, I say that we don’t have enough control to lie to ourselves in a dreaming state, so every dream contains essential truth. Item a) is indisputable. Even in biblical times dreams came as confusing bites of information that wanted interpretation.

In my lifetime my dreams have changed dramatically. Childhood dreams were fanciful images of what I would be as an adult, how I would act, who would be in my life. During my teens I remember darker dreams of uncertain futures, strangers and untenable situations. As a mother I dreamed of my children, of their future, of my work and of where these things were leading me. As a woman alone I dreamed of possibilities, but feared the probabilities more and it affected my sleep severely. As a mature adult, my dreams are more like prayers for the future and are seldom very personal. There are occasional dreams of regret and sorrow, but mostly I am at peace and just want the world to take this journey with me.

One theory I’ve heard is that we do not dream in color. Mine, good or bad, are in Technicolor and on large screen. They are real, vivid and emotional and I believe they affect my psyche, at least for a short while. If I am afraid or think I’m being watched for example, I can wake up literally paralyzed and holding my breath…unable to talk or scream until my brain re-establishes my location and situation. If I am dreaming of the good things in my family, I will wake refreshed and be in a loving and giving mood. If the dream is scattered and disassociated from real people and places, I find that my day can be affected by this disorganization of thought. If the dream is creative and imaginative I find myself searching all day for the root substance so that I can put it into action.

My weirdest dreams are of numbers and solutions to puzzles of one sort or another. It’s like a full day’s work to get through these because they are literally “working” dreams. If I have a problem in life or need to think through a series of possible outcomes for a situation, you can bet that “sleeping on it” will provide the answer.

These are the dreams that are out of our control. They are motivated by an accumulation of events, experience, psychological anomalies and personal needs that are too complicated for Freud, much less an armchair thinker like me. While I will continue to delve into my own dreams, I would not dare venture into yours.

There is another kind of dream though. I call it the waking dream. This is the one where we are fully awake and aware of our surroundings. It is also a knowing dream; one where it is fully possible to control what the dream is about and where it goes. It is a concrete dream in that it is possible to mold the dream into reality.

The concrete dream is one that you choose carefully, that you love to think of and that you want to be a part of your life enough that you will commit fully to the things that need to be done to make it reality. It is a marriage to self that includes a vow that you will see the dream through to its ultimate conclusion. It is an inspiration worth holding close to your heart and it has value to your future. This dream has so much significance that you can not be swayed by inconveniences, delays or the allure of switching destination. It is a dream that you first hope, then plan, then put into action; one that you complete and one that produces a tangible product or achievement that you can see, touch and feel. It is a visualization of what your life can and will be with the dream realized. Although it can be inspired or supported by outsiders, like family or friends, it can not be changed in any way by their doubts or disbelief. It belongs to you.

The dream can be simple and short term or extremely complicated and long term. It can be artistic, educational, creative, faith-based or goal inspired. The key is that it must create happiness not only in the completion, but in the making because that is what keeps it concrete. If you want to be a good baker, you have to love to cook. If you want to be a good lawyer, you must understand and revere the law. If you want to create an environment, you need a space to fill. Dreams are the same.

These dreams are different than your sleep dreams in two ways:

You always know what you are going to get.

You are responsible for creating the truth in this dream. It comes from your cognizant self.

If, like me, you are a person who learned the wrong lessons about dreams early in life, you may be a late achiever. I thought that high-minded hopes were for other people who were more equipped by money or birth to get what they wanted in life. More significantly, I was taught to methodically deny myself any dream that did not fit in the smallness of my current life and to accept what is rather than fighting for what should be. This was not sabotage, but a way of coping that is common to many people without significant resources to change their circumstance. Do not be undermined by this mind set. Resources become apparent with the advancement of your goals. You can and will find ways to make your life what you want it to be if you start with reality and build on it one step at a time.

Keeping your head and heart in reality while you hold the dream together is the hardest part. Our situations in life are as varied as the stars at night. Some of us will give up a great career that we hate to change his/her lifestyle, some will step down from the limelight to lift up the hearts of others, some will start many times because the goal is not defined or they are trying to fulfill someone else’s vision. Some will start from an abyss and will have to have the strength to ask for help along the way. Many will never understand. No one will ever achieve a single dream without taking the challenge step by step and embracing each small victory. If you want to paint a masterpiece, learn to draw a box first…get some perspective. Celebrate, but don’t get stuck on the box, put something in it, give it color, create a background, frame it and hang it, observe and enjoy it. Choose every aspect of the object. Choose your dream and choose your path; you will be living a concrete dream before you know what happened.

Rain and Renewal

2006-01-28T12:24:00.000-06:00

Rain and Renewal – January 2006

I woke up this morning to the sound of a down-pouring rain here in Texas. Lord what a wonderful sight! It is perhaps the end of a terrible drought that tendered wildfires, drained water resources and robbed many small town West Texas residents of their homes and livelihood.  I thank God for this wet reprieve.  It’s funny how a dreary, wet day can be such a glorified blessing under the right circumstance.

Rain is a universal symbol of cleansing and renewal. This rainy day is symbolic for me as well.  I have been suffering from writer’s block (otherwise known as lack of inspiration, or laziness, or perhaps a little depression) for a couple of weeks now.  I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows, mostly having to do with family issues, but some admittedly caused by spiraling middle-age hormone imbalances. Something about the fresh, clean sheets of water falling from the sky put my mind back into drive space and lifted my heart once again.

From our office window I see green peeking out of the dried brown winter grass and new leaves on the bottom of all the perennials in the garden.  The sidewalks and driveway appear washed and shiny with glistening water.  I can smell the freshness, even inside the house. Opening the door brings a waft of cool, fresh, oxygenated air that smells like spring.  Mind you, it’s only the 28th of January, so this is a very welcome sensation. It’s also a reminder that God is always there for us and reveals Himself in the details of our every day lives.  We just need to open our eyes and breathe to realize His presence.

I believe that the Creator’s gifts are always in our midst, but the choice of how to use them is ours.  The field is there to cultivate, but if you leave it fallow and fail to plow and plant, no crop will grow.  The field will still be there, will still be a piece of creation, will still have it’s own serenity and beauty; but the point will be missed and it’s usefulness will be diminished by a lack of understanding by men. The miracle of faith for me is that God continues to give and to uphold the promise He gave us through the blood of Christ.

Regardless of faith, or the lack of faith, one must subscribe to the reality that the state of our lives is interdependent on the state of our mind and heart.  What we do, where we go, who we choose as associates, what we give up to others, how we act out the challenges of life and how much of ourselves we are willing to invest to create value in our lives are the ingredients that act together as a formula for success or failure.  The good news is that unlike a failed cake recipe, you get to change this mix as often as you wish during your lifetime.  The decision to change in a positive direction is the refreshing, renewing rain in our lives.

One could argue that this is a statement of privilege and that circumstances often prevent people from realizing what is in their heart.  I am the last to deny that difficult circumstances can affect progress. However, it is true that, even in the direst of circumstance, you are able by your own power to uplift what is in your mind and your heart. You have the ability to reject failure, deny sin, create and practice your values, be a friend, worship, educate and edify yourself through the simplest of actions.  That action is to use your mind and your heart in its fullest capacity for every decision you make.

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, invest in your future by investing your greatest personal resource, which is your ability to think and feel, into a daily plan for improvement. Even the smallest of actions toward the direction of your heart will take you toward your goals. A prayer, a letter, a phone call you need to make, research for knowledge that will help your cause, kindness or help given to a stranger and even a simple smile are steps toward a better life.  If you do this, your circumstance will become a product of who you have become and it will change dramatically in a positive direction.

When you come in out of the rain, I wish you renewal and happiness with God’s blessing.

Sorrow

2006-01-18T22:12:00.000-06:00

Like everyone, I have my dark moments.  This week a number of things happened that wreaked havoc on my emotions.  I’m not ready to write about all of them here, but I will tell you that they were aggravated by thoughts of personal losses (which we all have).  This year is the 20th anniversary of my mother’s death, the 10th anniversary of my father’s death and my brother would have been 50 on January 20th if he had not passed away in 1991 at only 35.  I also lost my first husband in 1970 when he was only 27.  They were all far too young to go.

While it’s ok to miss them, it’s not ok to still be angry.  I’ll confess that I still am angry though, in spite of strong faith and many, many other wonderful things in my life.  I miss their humor, their love, their counsel and their presence.  This is especially true when things go wrong because I counted on them and they on me.  Thank God for my husband and the rest of my family who support and love me unconditionally.

For those of you who have sustained losses and who sometimes feel the inevitable stinging touch of sorrow, I offer the following:

Sorrow

Sorrow comes creeping on padded paws;
waiting to spring her cruel surprise.

Sorrow comes calling and never knocks;
or whispers warning of the purpose she bears.

Sorrow comes raging like a rising flood;
drowns a mind and clinches a heart.

Sorrow comes sailing on blackened wings;
a storm cloud full of poisoned dreams.

Sorrow comes and Sorrow goes;
and Sorrow leaves her indelible mark.

Her shadow resides in the hearts of all;
in a chamber reserved for unspeakable truths.

Sorrows forever an unwelcome stranger;
in the realm of lightness, wonder and peace.

Paula J. Roberts
©1/18/2006
God bless and keep you and yours.  Lightness, wonder and peace next time!

rockingrama

Resolution 2 Be Healthier

2006-01-15T21:54:00.000-06:00

Resolution #2 – Be Healthier

The second in a series of commentaries on personal resolutions for the New Year

“Love more, be healthier, forgive generously,
exercise patience and last but most importantly
build a legacy of kindness.”
Rockingrama - 2006

So, how do I go about “being healthier”?  There are some obvious answers that have to do with the human struggle to stay fit.  Some of these are diet, exercise, good sleeping habits, safe behavior and keeping on top of your regular doctor’s appointments.

It’s hard in these busy times to make time for yourself.  It’s even harder to take guilt free time to take care of your health and well being.  Women are especially guilty of putting off their needs under the guise of being far too occupied with the welfare of others.  We tend to think we will get to ourselves later, but the later becomes later and later and fades to never or hardly ever.  As a result, the problems we experience are often much more complicated than they would have been if we had just made and kept a promise to ourselves to be healthier by paying close attention to our bodies and our personal needs.

My mother died of cancer in 1986.  I am remembering this today partly because of the subject matter, but mostly because she’s been gone from our lives for 20 years now.  She was 56 when she died (I am 58 now) and she missed so many important things she should have had the opportunity to enjoy.  My children growing to adulthood, companionship with her adult children, opportunities to grow in her own life….gardens to grow, places to go, love to express, faith to nurture and confidences to share.  She has been dearly missed and I know she is bringing joy to heaven.

Mom was a smart, lively small framed woman who worked hard all of her life.  She was never overweight, but she was a smoker and loved her beer.  She loved to have a good time, loved to do for others, but always put her self last.  When her shoulder began to hurt her and wouldn’t let up in October of 1985, she finally relented to a doctor’s appointment, but it was too late.  Her cancer was inoperable and was metastasized to most of the organs in her body.  Everything possible was done for her, but nothing was enough at that late date.

I’m telling you about her death because I want to make the point of how important your well-being is to every plan you have in this life, including the plans you have for being here to do for others.  People in the advanced stages of ill health and those who have already passed on are not able to do any of the things that we use as excuses to put off our reasonable and necessary routine for wellness.  We are responsible for keeping our bodies as fit as possible and no one else can do it for us.

Confession time: I am especially sensitive to this because I’m as guilty as anyone in procrastinating about the obvious.  I am at this moment overdue for my dental cleaning, needing to make an annual appointment for a mammogram and annual check up and putting off a much needed visit to an Orthopedic Surgeon to schedule a left knee replacement (the right one was done in 2003).  My exercise routine (I’m laughing), goes to hell in a hand basket at the slightest disruption and my diet habits range from severe to chaotic to anything goes.  My weight has been out of control for years now and if I do not take strict and serious measure to control it, I will be on that sick or dead list we’ve been talking about.

Thinking seriously about all of this is only the first step.  I tried to diet last fall and took off 10 pounds, which had dwindled to 6 by the time we were through the holidays.  So I’m back not quite at square 1, but still at the beginning of a new way of thinking about food and lifestyle that will extend and enhance my opportunities to enjoy the rest of my life in good health.

I think that in the end, good health is what it’s all about.  It’s not about being a size 5, 7 or 9 (even though that would be nice); it’s about enjoying all life has to offer and being able to participate fully.  While this may seem like settling for something less, I think that it’s really about finally growing up and realizing your place in life and what it will take to make you function in a way that is pleasing to yourself and to the people you love.  If your body is growing at a greater rate than your mind, you need to get busy building your mind and minimizing the things that are causing the weight. I have a diet journal that I share in a different section, so for now my thoughts on this are generalities.

So I have a plan for diet and exercise.  The plan includes partners.  My sister and my cousin, who find themselves in similar situations and are close to the same age, have agreed to collaborate with me on changing our nutrition habits this year.  We are all following diets that we feel to be healthy for our own needs and we are in touch once a week to discuss weight loss, gain, problems etc. so that we aren’t doing this alone.  I think it’s an important step and one that will lead to success.  These are people that I care about and who care about whether I’m around to enjoy life with them.  Their participation gives me a reason to take responsibility for the words I say and the food I eat.

Exercise is a whole other bag of problems for me with bad knees and minimal motivation, but I do have a plan.  The plan is to walk 3x a week in the mornings and swim 2 to 3x a week on alternate days.  I have no excuse to put off either since we have a health facility right here in our community and plenty of walking trails.  If I can get in this habit, I’m hoping to add a 30 to 45 minute fitness routine to the swimming days.  Once a month has passed, I’ll let you know more about how this and the diet are going.

Sleep has been an ongoing problem for me for years.  I can’t pinpoint when I started sleeping so few hours, but I’m sure it was in the early eighties.  That’s a long time with sleep deprivation, so if you think I’m a little nuts when you read these blurbs, there may be substance in your assumption.  For the last few weeks, I’ve been following a strict guideline to get in bed whether I feel sleepy or not by midnight at the latest.  Although it’s not sequential, I think I’m getting about 5 or 6 hours of sleep now.  I try to stay in bed until 8 so that I’m resting even if I’m not sleeping.  Perhaps with better habits, I will sleep more of the time that I am there. It’s much better than the 4 or so I was getting most of the year.

Last but not least, I think that optimal health is dependent on continuous development of your mind and skill sets. I believe that the most important of these is the ongoing enforcement and development of the practice of your faith.  God requires this commitment of us above and beyond anything else that we may do in life.  Concentrate on your life of faith, and then look at how you can expand your capabilities in life by adding to your knowledge and learning new and better ways to live your life.  A full life is characterized by satisfaction of the soul, the mind and the body and we naturally thirst after all of these.  You are never too young, too old, too fat, too dumb or too smart to add more knowledge, more activity and more life to your living. Identify at least one thing every year that you want to learn or improve and spend time making it happen.

The quest for “happiness” can be a shallow run if you don’t define what happiness is for you.  In my view, happiness is tied to all of the things above in different ways, but mostly to the people that I love and who need me to be around for them.  When I am busy trying to make my goals happen, I don’t have time to be unhappy. Getting results makes me beam.  Whatever your goal is…however you define it, go for it.  You will make God smile.  I’m sure of it.

If you would like to share a goal, leave a comment.  I’d love to hear how you are doing and share thoughts on how we can do better together.

Paula

Resolution #1 Loving More

2006-01-10T14:41:00.000-06:00

Earlier in the week, I spoke of resolutions and left you with the following thoughts:

My list for 2006 is short. Love more, be healthier, forgive generously, exercise patience and last but most importantly building a legacy of kindness. I wish all these things and more for you. More on the legacy idea in another post!

When I started to write about the goals, I realized that each one was a subject of importance on it’s on, so I’m going to break this into 5 posts.

Resolution #1 – Loving More

Sometimes my heart is so full that I wonder whether it’s possible to love more. It hasn’t always been that way. There have been times when rejection, depression, circumstances and attitude have robbed me of the capability to love, which in my view is an act of giving coupled with an ability to accept the love that is given to you without redefining what it should be. I have found that an empty heart craves the company of no one, cherishes little and has a short memory for the charity and good will of others.

It is impossible to love unless you fill your heart with the things in life that endure. God, family, friends, community and nature are paramount among these. Even though all of us have a time in life when work dictates most of our waking hours; even that must be tempered with the things you hold dear. Otherwise, what purpose does the work fulfill except for existence? What a sad thing it is when existence is the only purpose of productivity.

If you want to work with joy, think about the purposefulness of what you are doing…supporting your family, filling a need for your employer, or the broader aspect of what is accomplished or built by the work you are engaged in. Never despair, always persist, change when you must, but always carry your love with you through all that you do. It will sustain you in the worst of times and encourage you to do your very best always.

I pledged to love more this year with all of these things on my mind. I also made that promise to myself knowing that at this time in my life, this is the easiest goal to meet. I am surrounded by love from my family…my husband, four children and six grandchildren and two more (twins) on the way this year, extended family who are involved in my life now that we have retired to Texas, friends from church and from my neighborhood and the many cherished relationships of both my husband’s life and mine that come from the past and endure through the present.

The birth of the twins, without any added effort, will make my promise come true for this year. I already love them and I’m ready for them to come into my life and share experiences with me. I have not been as close as I would like to my other grandchildren, who are almost grown, because of distance and circumstance and I very much want this to work out differently. Being a positive presence in their little lives will give me a lot of joy.

There is more though. I want to carry the responsibility of my love. Feeling love and declaring it are the easy parts. Committing yourself to daily, purposeful action that validates and strengthens the bonds of love is more at the heart of the matter. Being a real Christian according to Christ’s calling requires more than the act of baptism, it requires that you give daily consideration to your actions and to the needs of others and that you attend to them. Love is the same.

In closing, I just want to say that relationships are fragile and people are vulnerable. Our time is limited and precious and we can’t be sure that everyone we love will be here when it’s convenient to show our love. If love feels like a risk to you, my advice is to take the risk. Write the letters you meant to write, make the calls that keep you connected, archive your memories for future generations and most importantly, wear your love where it can be seen and felt. Nothing is ever lost by giving love away and everything is gained.

I wish you all the love your heart and mind can hold in this New Year and forever.

Paula

As a bonus…here is my favorite perspective on love.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

A Brand New Year... Resolution or Revolution?

2006-01-05T15:12:00.000-06:00

A Brand New Year…Resolution or Revolution?

Hello again.  It’s good to be back! This is my first post after an extended holiday from posting my little encouragements, but I’m back and excited to get started again.  I missed all of you during the holidays and hope they were truly blessed for you.  For me, the biggest blessing of the holidays was my oldest daughter’s announcement that she is expecting twins this year!  What a great surprise, two more grandchildren due early August.

As 2006 goal lists are being lost, misplaced and forgotten (after all, it’s been 3 days!), I want to encourage you to think again before you pass by this opportunity for a new start.

Traditional rituals are common this time of year. One day passes and we are into a new year and out with the old.  Celebrations, wine tipping, annual phone calls to distant friends and family along with holiday time to think about how the New Year might look for you are great ways to spend the time.  We do all of these things, although I have given up going out in the yard at midnight armed with pot lids and pans and making racket to bring in the New Year (a nutty childhood memory).  My husband and I did stay up to ring in the year with a hug, kiss and promise to be there for each other always.

Prayer is part of new beginnings as well, and our prayers are for grace, for world peace, for soldiers away from home, for food for the hungry and shelter for all.  Getting closer to home, we think and pray about family concerns and cares and for the health and well being of parents, siblings, children and grandchildren. We also ask for God’s guidance, love and care in our own everyday lives.

When all of this is said and done, I like to think about the functional parts of my life.  That is, those things that require commitment and action on my part, or a significant change.  I make the usual list of resolutions…usually mentally, because they seem so similar from year to year.  I reflect on what went right and what went wrong with trying to keep myself on track in the previous year.  It’s a good process, but I think that we often miss the point.

A resolution is only as good as the plan we make to carry it through.  The plan is only as good as our daily action.  We have to effect real changes in behavior and thought patterns to make a resolution worth the effort of the list.  Most importantly, the idea is to commit for the full time it takes to carry the idea through, even if the time extends beyond this year, the next, or the next. If you want to learn a new language, it isn’t going to happen between now and 10 days from now when you wad up the paper and put it in the trash bin.  On the other hand, a resolution becomes a life changing revolution when you keep the promises you made in your heart.

Change is a joyous and life renewing process, but it is a terrible thing to set yourself up for failure, so be sure that you are putting realistic goals in motion.  If you need support, find it.  There are all kinds of resources online and in print, community groups and activities where you can get involved, tons of places that need volunteers, classes waiting for students, trails waiting to be walked. Look around in your own environment for support as well.  Your husband or wife, a sister or brother, someone from your church or your community needs a partner in supporting goals just as much as you do. I got lucky this year and my sister and my cousin are both dieting, so we are there to talk, share recipes and concerns and plan a reward for our success this year.

My list for 2006 is short. Love more, be healthier, forgive generously, exercise patience and last but most importantly building a legacy of kindness. I wish all these things and more for you.  More on the legacy idea in another post!

Have a great 2006.

Holiday Greetings to Family and Friends - Christmas 2005

2005-12-15T22:48:00.000-06:00

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way? Well, not quite, but almost all the way.

This has been a whirlwind year for us and it seems like we just got through Easter when fat frozen turkeys started filling the freezer space at the local market. That tricky Father Time outdoes himself every year! All of you who are getting a little more mature like us will understand this perfectly. To those who are younger, this probably sounds more like a personal dilemma.

I have a somewhat simplistic theory about how this works. When you are born, you start a long journey uphill, striving for physical maturity, mental development, social acceptance and understanding of the world around you. Somewhere in mid-life there is a long and almost flat curve in time where work, personal accomplishments, family and friends (but especially work) carry you through the days with variable momentum, much like a film in slow motion with periods of fast forward. Retirement should be a gently sloping downward curve, but it has a surprising twist. It's like living on a plane where time takes a more circular and liquid form. The people and events inside your circle are entirely by choice for the first time in your life. If the circle is strong it sustains your vitality, and with the right attitude and good choices, grace and peace take the form of reality. Your struggle is less focused on forcing change in the world, but more on living in the world we have with dignity. God is there with you before your first breath, when you step through the bounds of your circle, and for eternity.

Sadly, there are losses and regrets along the way. In late July of this year, Bill's step mother passed away very suddenly. We also lost a dear friend from Bill's home town. They were both very significant in our lives and will be dearly missed. May God bless and keep them always.

Bill's nephew Adam is serving in Iraq as a helicopter pilot and we ask your prayers for him and for his wife and children at home. Our prayers include Adam, the cares and concerns of both of our families and those of our friends and church family. While there is not enough room to be specific about each person here, prayers are a strong and sustaining force of protection and assurance through Christ's mercy and we are thankful for yours.

There are also many joyous occasions. This year brought us several opportunities to travel. Instead of our usual routine of flying we chose several auto-excursions, many within our home-state of Texas. In late April we had the opportunity to spend ten days with Bill's cousin and his wife touring the hill country and parts south for wild flower and bird watching, visits to some beautiful state parks and a day on Galveston beach. We spent time in July and August visiting friends and family in Colorado and Kansas. This visit was a long one so we were able to plan visits to several of Bill's friends as well as my own and we had a spectacular time.

September brought us the opportunity to spend 3 days at Mo Ranch, a church retreat in Hunt, Texas. We have 4 regular trips to Houston during the year to see Bill's doctor for check-ups and we always plan fun activities around the appointments. Early in the year we visited my cousin in Shreveport, LA and we have a consistent flow of visitation between our house and my cousins' house in Richardson, Texas, just outside of Dallas. Mid-August we visited another cousin of mine in Strawn, Texas for the 1st ever reunion of the cousins from my mothers side of my family. We planned a trip to South Padre for late September, but this got side swiped by Hurricane Rita. Perhaps next year!

While our travel was restricted to the Southwest this year, we are hoping and planning for a trip of a few weeks to New England next year. To each of you in the Northeast, we miss you and love you dearly.

We were also blessed with many family visits. My eldest daughter and her husband came for Christmas last year, both ending and starting the year beautifully for us. They are coming back this year (hallelujah!), and this time they bring great news. My daughter is pregnant with their first child. I can't wait for the happy event! Bill's second cousin from Michigan visited us for a few days in the spring and shared some genealogy gaps with us. My youngest daughter, Carla and some friends came in early April and spent a full week just being lazy with us. My cousin's son Josh from Louisiana, now 21, flew here and spent 3 days with us. My sister Marilyn and her daughter Ashley spent their vacation in June with us and my cousin Carolyn and her husband Ed have taken the time and energy to come from Dallas several times to share in our lives and help with the tasks of making our new home beautiful and comfortable. We even had a visit from my high school friend Susan and her husband. I had not seen Susan since February of 1965. Many of my friends from high school have been in touch since we moved back to Texas.

As many of you know, we chose to spend Thanksgiving with Bill's father in Kansas this year. He is in an Assisted Living facility there, now living on the nursing care side since he requires more medical care than he did in the past. Joe is 96 and doing pretty well for his age. He has some short term memory problems and is now confined to a wheel chair most of the time, but he has a miraculous sense of humor and still has a lot of stories and songs to share with everyone. He was very glad to see us and (I think) just as relieved to see us go because he was tired after our visit.

Our church and our community are a large part of our lives when we are here at home and this year has been an exceptional one in that respect. Besides worshiping at the morning service at First Presbyterian Georgetown on Sundays and participating in Men's Fellowship and Rebekah Circle, we've had numerous opportunities to enjoy fellowship, bus trips and get-togethers with a great group called Active Christian Treasures. It's been a wonderful place to make new friends. Our neighborhood at Sun City also has regular monthly activities, such as a monthly potluck, and we participate as much as we possibly can. Other activities that we enjoy here are walking in our neighborhood and on the trails, swimming and the computer club. We're hoping to take even more advantage of the club and activity opportunities going forward. Health is a big focus for us (that age thing again!) so the fitness center would be a good target for more activity.

Statistics say you won't get this far in the letter, but if you do, this last paragraph is reserved for special blessings for you and yours. May this season be peaceful, full of faith and family and blessed with good times. May your senses be showered with the feelings, sights, sounds and tastes of the holiday season. May your gifts be all that you hoped for and more than you need. We send our hopes and joys to you for this season and every day that follows. We send our prayers for your sorrows and our wishes for your future.

God Bless and Keep You Till We Meet Again.

Love,

Bill and Paula

Christmas

2005-12-09T16:37:00.000-06:00

Christmas

Christmas comes in packages thick and thin;
Carefully wrapped, engraved on a ring.
Christmas by the seaside listening to waves;
or spent by the fireside popping sweet corn.

Christmas with tinsel, bright lights and holly;
Children and bicycles, cookies and grins.
Christmas with empty seats at the table;
praying for loved ones, soldiers and friends.

Christmas day charged with high emotions;
love and good will mixed with poignant regret.
Christmas when it’s all that you can do;
to get through the day in your slippers and jams.

Christmas with memories of having less;
or Christmas’ past when things were simpler.
Christmas with secrets bound in bright paper;
sleep lost to play Santa to tow-headed tots.

Christmas when most of these things have gone by,
your greatest joy sharing the hope of others.
Christmas surrounded with voices of angels;
shouting hallelujahs for the birth of Christ.

No matter which Christmas has come your way;
honor the first and Christ’s celebrated birth.
Be comforted in spirit, in heart and in mind;
for the promise of Christmas is hope for us all.

Be thankful for blessings and count them twice;
pray for peace on earth and good will to men.
Christ brought us the gifts that fill our needs;
Forgiveness, love and eternal life.

Paula J. Roberts
copyright December 2005

Merry Christmas and Adapting to American Culture

2005-12-01T13:41:00.000-06:00

The following post is a response to an article being passed around on the internet that is reported to have appeared originally in a “Tampa Newspaper”. I did a cursory search for the article with no results. Apparently, this would have been a letter to the editor. The author was upset over several things, including the recent hubbub about “Merry Christmas” being politically incorrect. I think the letter reflects correctly and sometimes unfortunately some of the ways Americans are thinking about the majority vs. the minority adapting to American Culture. I do not agree wholly with the author’s comments, and since this was sent to me by a family member, I felt compelled to reply but not to pass it on to my “A” list. I’d love to know what others think about this. The article is reprinted at the bottom of my post so that my own thoughts are not buried. The text has not been altered from the message I received by email; it is quoted in full.

Oh my darling daughter in law…you made me think again! Do you know how exhausting this is?

I disagree with the part about not caring about another persons’ culture. As unique as it is, American Culture is a hybrid concoction of world cultures. We also benefit from learning about the cultures and sensitivities of other peoples. I also think that it’s a travesty that Americans in general have not bothered to educate our people in the major languages of the world. That said; it is NOT our job to adapt America to each new-coming culture that touches our shores. If we chose to live and work in a different society anywhere else in the world, we would be expected to assimilate and I believe that it is a natural and reasonable expectation.

Freedom of religion has been taken out of context by extremists on all sides. I believe in freedom of religion. I believe that the intent of the statement in our constitution regarding freedom of religion and of speech is literal. The context is being skewed and re-skewed daily to suit the purposes of those that would limit the literal meaning. An individual living in this country should be able to practice their religion without persecution. It is also required that we respect others and allow them to do the same within the bounds of the laws of this land. It is not required that we change American civil law to accommodate minority or cultural views, including radical Christian views that would infringe on non-believers.

My personal political views run slightly to the left of center. I believe in the rights of both men and women to live freely on this earth within the implied laws of human decency and respect for each other. I believe that the written law of God and the laws of the land should work hand in hand to ensure the free will that God gave us. I believe that free will was intended as a tool for responsible decision making and purposeful, lawful behavior.

I am a Christian and Christ is my center. It is my hope and prayer for the world that Christian love will envelope and protect all humans on earth. Christ did not ask whether the people he encountered were “Christians”. Christ asked us simply to put the past behind and follow him. He did not seek out the perfect, the educated or those who were well off. He did not indicate a preference for denominations, languages, political interests, or skin color. He ministered equally to both men and women. He told those who were hungry for His word that following Him was a difficult path filled with doubt and persecution. He acknowledged that some would not follow, but He promised those who did believe in Him everlasting life and the kingdom of heaven. He asked his heavenly father, God to forgive us our sins. Even in His death, Christ was an advocate for all humanity.

There is an ancient line in the sand between believers and non-believers and sadly between those who believe in God, but differently. All wars can be traced to a great extent to this same ravine of mistrust, divisiveness, hatefulness, imposed religious and racial concepts, and lust for personal gain, territory and wealth. My fear is that if we continue to draw these lines in the sand in our own country and fail to fill them with the sands of understanding and enlightenment; all will be lost in this war.

Tying this all back to the original subject, which is adapting to the land you live in; I think Emma Lazarus “got it” when she wrote the famous poem that is quoted in part on the statue of liberty:

The New Colossus
By Emma Lazarus
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From herbeacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor, Your
huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

The first time I read this poem as a child, I knew what American meant to me. More importantly I had a sense of what it meant to others who are not so much like me. It’s a shame that the whole poem is not on the statue, because the full context takes on new meaning. “Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp.” implies to me that by entering these shores, a new and different life apart from the one that is left behind will greet the newcomer. It is a call to adapt and to become an American and a promise for acceptance and freedom for those who do.

God Bless America and Merry Christmas. May freedom ring always, and may the golden door be passed with an open heart by all who enter. May God and our armed forces protect us from harm by those who enter maliciously.

Paula

This is the text of the email that stirred my response:

This was in a Tampa Newspaper....Please Read
Will we still be the Country of choice and still be America if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in America because it is the Country of Choice??????
Think about it! All we have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS? I celebrate Christmas...........but because it isn't celebrated by everyone..............we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season's Greetings. It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break. Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday? We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that.
This says it all! This is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a
Tampa newspaper. He did quite a job; didn't he? Read on, please! IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However...... the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically
correct! " crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was
offending others.
I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.

This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans... we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!
"In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan.. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women.......on Christian principles............. founded this nation..... and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new ome.........because God is part of our culture. If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care
how you did things where you came from.

This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining....... whining...... and griping....... about our flag....... our pledge...... our national motto........or our way of life....I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom....... THE RIGHT TO LEAVE. It is Time for America to Speak up If you agree -- pass this along; if you don't agree -- delete it! AMEN I figure if we all keep passing this to our
friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers,
lets all try, please

Post Thanksgiving 2005

2005-11-28T17:57:00.000-06:00

This post is derived in part from a personal letter I sent to a friend who wrote us with some kind wishes over the Thanksgiving holiday. After reading it through a second time, I thought there was some meat (not turkey) to the experience. As always, I'm sharing a little piece of my life with you. I hope it makes you feel good about your own blessings.

My husband and I spent our time in Olathe, Kansas, where Bill's father (who is 96) lives in an assisted living facility called Aberdeen that is owned by the Presbyterians. Although Joe is doing well, we are increasingly concerned about his welfare and happiness since his wife died recently. He seemed glad to see us and was able to get through a couple of hours of spirited conversation about things and people past that he and Bill had experienced in common. He tires easily though, and by the time we got through dinner and a few minutes of the Macy's parade in his room, Joe was ready to go to bed. I guess that he spends about 2/3 of his time "resting" these days.

Joe was 85 when Bill and I married and still quite vital. A retired physician who believed in keeping fit, he walked daily and played 9 holes of golf unless the weather would not permit it. He and his wife Ruth traveled extensively. In the ten years that Bill and I have been married, they did a Baltic Rivers Cruise, went to New Zealand twice, did a Princess cruise to the Western Caribbean with us and another with Ruth's family, made several trips to the East Coast for Joe's Dartmouth reunions and visits to family and did another cruise in the Canadian Rockies. Both of them were Christians and were actively involved in church. They had a productive and wonderful life.

About 2 1/2 years ago Joe started to slip a bit mentally and was having a really hard time physically with walking. Now it is difficult for him to get from the wheelchair to the bed. He and Ruth decided to give up their home in Arizona when it became apparent that he would need more care. They moved to Kansas to be near Ruth's family and that's how they ended up at Aberdeen. He has wonderful care and has made friends there, but we still are concerned for him. He is too frail to move at this point. He also appears to be quite happy and comfortable. We went about 1500 miles (round-trip) to spend 5 hours with him and to let him know that no one has forgotten him and that he is loved.

The reason for telling this little story is to express how thankful we are for our lives at this point. It is also an illustration of how time tricks us into the future. I think it is so vitally important to live every day in the best possible way...to enjoy your family, to cherish your marriage and to participate in meaningful friendships while you can. These will be the memories you hold on to the longest in your old age and the ones that will sustain you through the end of your life and any troubles that cross your path. These opportunities are also the reality of the present and can not be recaptured once they are lost.

This year I am thankful for many of the normal things that cross one's mind at Thanksgiving, but I am especially thankful for our time with Joe. I am also thankful for being here at this special time (retirement) in my life and that God has allowed us resources and health to enjoy for a season.

I hope that you are equally blessed.

A Moment to Consider the Pandemic Effect of AIDS

2005-11-26T14:03:00.000-06:00

The following link from World Vision http://worldvision.sitestream.com/WorldAidsDay/AidsTest.html?Open&campaign=1215191&cmp=EMC-1215191 will take you to a self test on your knowledge of AIDS and current conditions in the world that stem from this pandemic disease.

The number of human beings affected by HIV/AIDS are staggaring and they will continue to grow unless we practice individual awareness and share knowledge with our world community. Please take a moment to update yourself and to find out some simple ways that you can help spread awareness.

This is a subject dear to my heart. I lost my younger brother Jack to AIDS in December of 1991 after a 4 year battle with the illness. Jack was 35 years old. He was a displaced Texan with a distinctively southern mixed sense of humor and cynicism who lived and worked in Colorado most of his adult life. He was also an extraordinarily kind and empathatic individual with a quick smile and an encouraging word for everyone he knew. He was a loyal friend, a faithful follower of Nicheren Shoshu Buddhism and a hopeful dreamer for both his future and the future of humankind.
Some of Jack's favorite things were the mountains in Colorado, spending time with friends, roller skating, country and western dancing, music and movies. One of my favorite memories of Jack is two-stepping with him to a live country band in a Denver bar. Jack loved warm and bright things and hated to be cold. He was once a championship roller skater, who for a time taught disco skate dancing in New York City.
Knowing how and when to share with others was Jack's special gift. His early death left a tremendous void in the lives of his family and friends. I am asking for your awareness in his memory.
There are many ways to help, including prayer for those affected, keeping yourself safe and free from infection, educating your family and peers and by sharing your annual gifts to charitable funds with the American Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR) www.amfar.org or other local support organization of your choice.
Be educated, practice abstinence or safe sex, be tested, be well.
I know that my brother would be grateful for your support. So am I.

Thanksgiving and Hopeful Wishes for Family

2005-11-21T22:41:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays because the focus is on the gathering of families and sharing long honored traditions. The turkey and other culinary delights are very special, but the real meat is in seeing, touching and speaking with family members and close friends.
Just like we make a list of resolutions on New Year’s, I like to make a list of things I am thankful for this time of year. Here is my list:

Ø I am thankful to God for all the blessings I have been given, for the light of day, the peace of night and the assurance of His love.

Ø I am thankful for my family, each and every one, with their unique special gifts and the home that they have in my heart. I am thankful for every blessing that they have received in their lives and hopeful for their future.

Ø I am thankful to have lived to see my grandchildren and be a part of their life.

Ø I am especially thankful for my husband, who has been steadfast and supportive through many difficult times and who shows his love in all that he does for me and my family.

Ø I am thankful for the financial blessings I have received and for the home and lifestyle that they provide for me and my husband at this time in our life.

Ø I am thankful to finally be at peace with my life and for the opportunity to help others find peace in theirs.

Ø I am thankful for community, for friendship, for fellowship and for a church home that provides strong support in Christ for my faith, my joys and my sorrows.

Ø I am thankful to be an American, to enjoy safety and well-being as much as it is possible anywhere on earth, and to have the explicit privilege of freedom which is so rare on this earth.
No family is perfect and all are in transition. Loving each other has never been an issue, but there have been some serious issues to overcome in mine and we are working diligently to be better and do better every single day. To this end, I also have a wish list that is highly personal and more specific to me, my husband and my 4 children. I've omitted names for the sake of privacy, but I want to share one family's concerns with you. Here are my top 7 for this year.

1. That both of my youngest daughters find freedom, peace and happiness in their lives; that their sorrow and regret become joy and happiness, and that their future is so bright that it overwhelms the problems of the past.

2. That my 3rd child is reunited with her children and released from her addictions and health issues. Also that her relationships sustain her in love and satisfy her yearning for family and home. That my three grandchildren by her continue to have faith, joy and sucess in their lives and that they enjoy wellness and prosperity in the coming year.

3. That my youngest child finds freedom from addictive behaviors and realizes the love her family has for her and that she is released from the past to pursue her future. Also that she finds special love in her life and a sense of true belonging.

4. That my oldest daughter becomes pregnant and is able to have the child she and her husband are hoping for in their lives now. That they continue to receive the blessings they so richly deserve, and that she finds work that is more satisfying and promising for her.

5. That my son remains happy and well in his family life and that he continues to grow in his faith and in the stewardship of his life and his home.

6. That my husband is blessed with increased wellness and suffers less with pain and disability and that he will find true happiness in our marriage.

7. That I am able to continue to provide support, love, kindness and encouragement to both my family and my friends. That I develop more patience, listen more carefully and forgive more easily with each year that passes.

That’s all for today. Whatever trials your family may have, try to have the best Thanksgiving possible. Let it be a day of forgiveness and renewal. Remember to thank God for your blessings and ask him for grace for your family. Make your own list of blessings and wishes, whether you choose to share them or not. It’s a great exercise in faith and love.
As an added bonus...I hope your team wins too!

The Real ID Act - Personal Commentary

2005-11-16T15:00:00.000-06:00

I'm not big on forwarding email because the first thing I do when I get in my inbox is to delete all the stuff I know for sure I'm not going to read. However, on occasion something comes through that is either fun or thought provoking and I am inclined to pass it on. The following link came out of the blue from an old work buddy in New England, who got it who knows where. This one I chose to forward to my long list. The originator is the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).

If you ever think about your privacy, as I do, then this will make you shake your head. It’s worth a listen and some thoughtful consideration about what the future of information technology could bring our way. Although there is some obvious humor here, I found it difficult to laugh too hard or too long. I am not soliciting any point of view, but think you should make up your own mind about whether to support the ACLU letter.
http://www.aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf

Here is an article with a broader view: http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=MSN8A&q=The+Real+ID+Act

This concerns legislation that has already been passed by Congress. The REAL ID Act was imbedded in an unrelated emergency appropriations bill targeted at military funding and was not passed on it's own merits. They didn't ask my opinion before the parade left the grounds. How the heck did this happen? Yikes! It's really scary that something so important can be attached to an unrelated agenda and then administrated to free citizens as Law.

How much do corporations, credit institutions, health organizations and the govenment really need to know about you?

Is a single ID really a good idea?
What makes this different from the Social Security Number that we are already required to have?
Will this really keep terrorists or any other unsavory individuals from accessing our shores?
Will this hurt us? If not, will it help us? How?
What is the real cost of implementing and supporting this system?
Who will reap profits from this system?
How much authority does this usurp from state governments?
Do you want your DNA stored in a government information bank? (not much choice now)
How long will it be before they just imbed a chip in your head when you are born so that "they" can correct all your mistakes before you make them?
Is there ANY limit to how the government can use this information, or future information they choose to require?
Your tax records will certainly be linked to this ID, will your library card?
How about your web identity(ies)?
I wonder how hard it would be to implode dysfunctional individuals with a microchip?
Does it matter? I think it does.

Clearly, I am skeptical. I find it way too controlling and I think it smacks of past cataclysmic government failures like McCarthyism and the J Edgar Hoover days. There are just too many holes for abuse of power and identity theft by those who administer the program.

Does anyone remember "THX1138", or am I just a relic? (rhetorical question) Maybe it was just fiction, but I don't want to end up in government issued pajamas running through a maze looking for myself while legally, but heavily medicated. Oh wait...that sounds a lot like waiting for government cheese, disability or medical entitlements like help with prescription drugs or flu vaccine.

Lord help us all. Only God remains the same, steady source of love and light. I think if He wanted His creatures inventoried, we would have had a better system to do it.

Opinions on the subject are both encouraged and welcomed!

3 Minute Reflections On A Semi-Geek Lifestyle

2005-11-10T11:16:00.000-06:00

Being retired has only simplified my life in one aspect; working outside the home for someone else. I was afraid of being bored or uninspired but I find that the opposite is true. I can say no to almost all things boring or uninspiring and it is accepted without qualification by my peers. I still get up in the morning; I still work hard to meet goals. There are still deadlines, agendas, organizational problems, occasional meetings and financial obligations.

I’ve stopped mourning the paycheck (my husband has not) and tried to focus on quality of life instead. My time is spent on developing my faith, supporting my family, trying to help others, following my varied interests and caring for our health. It’s working for me.

There is a philosophy bite in Eastern religion that translates something like this: If you want to know the state of your life, sit still and look around you. Notice that this doesn’t say close your eyes and reflect on your situation, go to an expert and hash it out or be oblivious to the world. Nope. Sit still and look around you. Stop in your tracks, right here, right now, and take notice of what your senses perceive.

Since you are reading this, I assume you are at your personal workspace trying to accomplish a number of tasks, or just relaxing and taking in some mental stimulation. I suggest that you pull back from the keyboard, take a deep breath and take a full three minutes to assess this moment in your life. If you are anything like me, 3 minutes can be an eternity when forced to concentrate on things you normally take for granted.

Turn 360 degrees, slowly. What do you see: order, chaos, pride, neglect, family, unfinished projects, cleanliness? What do you smell? (I’ll let you go there alone!) What do you hear: music, sounds of nature, quietness, the faucet dripping? The last and perhaps the hardest question is how do you feel about what you see. Does your space please you? Are there things there that put you in danger? Is it a palate that needs more paint, or perhaps less? Does it reflect who you are or just what you have? Is there too little or too much in your life? If you could change just one thing, what would it be? How would it make a difference?

One of the ways that I start a donation box is to stand in each room of the house and carry out a similar exercise. Things that have outlived their usefulness will pop out at you and shout to be recycled. Just remember that the stuff you haven’t used or enjoyed for a long time may be just the thing that fills a need for someone else. That set of pillows you bought that really doesn’t match your sofa, dishes you haven’t used for an eternity, clothes you haven’t worn for a full season or art that really doesn’t suit your home or your taste can give great joy to another person. If you do this once a quarter, there will be a point when everything you have is actually something you want. What a concept.

From my desk, the three minutes look like this. I have a wall of photos behind my desk filled with people I love or have loved in my life. Sitting directly in front of these folks is a big oak desk that is absolutely covered with personal items and project materials. There’s a stack of tech, cooking and design magazines, the mystery novel I’m currently reading and an LLC manual, a basket full of downloaded web materials, current business papers and files in progress.

There is a wooden box full of note cards, stamps and other correspondence supplies, a stack of “attention this week” mail stuffed under the foot of my flat screen monitor, a photo box of about 2000 family photos that I am in the process of archiving, a CD tower with my “essential” program files and favorite current music CDs and a plethora of personal items including a manicure kit, PDA, sticky note holder and a big banker style desk lamp next to the wireless phone, linksys receiver and pen caddy. I have two physical calendars that I keep besides the Outlook calendar on the desktop, and none of them are synchronized.

The drawers are full of art supplies, note cards, specialty papers, and other computer supplies. A separate table with a shelf holds the all-in-one printer, fax, copier, which is choked for space with supplies and manuals. Behind me, there’s an entire bookshelf (4’x 8’, 7 shelves) dedicated to computer books and original software boxes, except for one shelf of bibles and religious materials.
I’m laughing now because I realize that the last 3 paragraphs are way out of bounds and that I couldn’t possibly detail even this small portion of my life in the 1000 words or less that I usually allow myself for these commentaries. The sentence structure also reveals a lot about my personality and I’m not sure I intended to open up that can of malarkey.

If I had my meals brought to me and a pillow to throw on the top of this desk, I could actually keep myself busy for about 20 years without getting bored. If I turn my head to the left and look through the French doors, I can see more of my life…the home for which I have stewardship, my cat “Queenie” looking for food and scratches, the yard beyond, ready for late fall cleanup and pampering. Behind me, sitting at another large roll-top oak desk is my husband, who is really the number 1 priority on my earthly agenda. To my right, a large window reminds me of all the great possibilities beyond the front door. It’s about 72 degrees outside and a walk, a swim or a visit to the fitness center would be perfect today.

I think it’s important to do these little assessments so that you can get a real time snapshot of how you are spending your most precious commodity, time. A well equipped workspace, while it’s a good tool and an entertaining spot, is not a life. You can not fully experience the joy of real human contact online. You can’t exercise your mind or your body properly if the majority of your time is spent in front of a monitor. Although I value many of the contacts I’ve made online, the phenomenon of IM friends is not a satisfactory replacement for interaction with family, friends and neighbors.

For this reason, the message today is that we need to establish perspective and create guidelines for our lives based on the things that make us happy. To be happy, one must be balanced. That is a combination of faith, relationships, environment and health. The almighty computer, the TV, the Radio, and the incessant flow of mail are only tools to support our REAL life, which lies somewhere beyond their allure.

You are hearing this from a net and technology enthusiast who met her spouse online 11 years ago. We would never have met without this technology, and will be married for 10 years in April. He is still my daily light. This would not be a reality if we had not left the desk to participate in developing a real friendship and taken the time to sort reality from truth, play together in the real world, share our interests in real time and validate our feelings. So, play and work in cyberspace, enjoy your time there. Be very careful to live and take great delight in the solid realities of your life. There is sustenance there when the screen goes blank.

Well, Dell is at the door with the final box of goodies for my husband’s new computer. What timing! I’m the set-up pro here, so my exercise for the next day and a half will be crawling around on the floor, pushing the oak roll top in and out of place and suppressing expletives. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Be still, be well, be faithful, be kind;
be of a wholesome and generous mind.
Choose your path and try not to stray,
When friends are in need, call them today.
Encourage your peers, never be blind;
Strengthen your heart with the ties that bind.
Savor the moment and live in it well,
For moments are gifts with a story to tell.

Paula

.

Developing Personal Skills and Making Changes

2005-10-31T12:30:00.000-06:00

Many of the posts on Rockingrama's Reflections are focused on growing as an individual. In fact the whole site is targeted at growing in faith, interpersonal skills, coping skills and the development of a full and satisfying life. The journal entries are highly personal and they are a combination of ideals that have been formed from three main areas: direct experience, education and personal opinion. For me it is a mission of mentoring for family, friends and any other individuals who just need a little encouragement or confidence to boost their day. If there's any reward in the writing, its from the occasional individual who stops to comment that one of the items helped in some small way.

The ideas are not the perspective of a trained psychiatrist, psychologist or social scientist. They are not intended as formula coaching or rigid sets of right and wrong. Rather, I hope that its more like having a talk about some of the common issues we experience as human beings with a trusted friend or family member over a good glass of wine. Some of the principles are so universal that it seems redundant to repeat them, but it is what we miss in life that hurts us, not what we've heard more than once.

While my opinion is that self-development is a key aspect of living a good productive life, it is important to have a clear understanding of why we strive to be better all the time. There are questions to be asked. Such as, what would be the harm if we didn't work so hard to change? Is it healthy to always want to be something different than what you are? Is there a point in life where you graduate from this cycle and rest on your laurels? Is it only ego that drives us to change, or is there a deeper genetic purpose for this constant development? I might answer these differently than you, but both of us would have valid views depending on the circumstances of our own life.

It is also very important to understand that anything you accomplish (a skill developed and then set in motion) through self-development has an impact not only on you, but on your circle of influence. Family, friends, colleagues, and aquaintances benefit directly from your skill pool. There is even a global impact in that when the level of faith, education, tolerance and social ability raises even a fraction of a percent, the human condition improves. This is the basis of hope for humanity in its simplest form.

Growing as a person always requires change. Change can be a radical idea that takes you to a far away place to explore, lend a helping hand or start a new business. It can also be a quiet commitment to pray or read 30 minutes every day. The most important thing is that the change is something positive that you choose and not a negative influence that carries you on an ill wind to places you never wanted to be. If that small voice is telling you "I shouldn't, but why not?" think about it long and hard, because that is a dangerous road that usually interrupts your life and rarely enhances it. Choose a better path. Use the power of decision and go for the things that glorify God, beautify your surroundings and edify your mind.

You don't have to be the CEO or the person in charge of anything except your own life to make positive change. A homemaker that learns to sew and make curtains for her home or clothes for her children is validated in that skill. The homemakers'attention to the finite skills in life has just as much importance in that circle of influence as a CEO has in theirs. Comparing your life to the lives of others is not the way to determine your value. If you must compare, compare what you were doing yesterday with what you are doing today. Is it more or less, better or worse? More importantly, are you happy in it? Less can be better; less worry, less stress, as more can be worse. Have you filled your plate too full? It's all relative to your own situation.

The first step is always to ask the questions. My questions go something like this:

1. Have I thanked God for my gifts, repented and practiced forgiveness and asked for His blessing?
2. What do I need to accomplish TODAY?
3. Is there something in my marriage that needs attention today?
4. Is my life going well?
5. If not, why not? If so, what is working well?
6. What can I do, this day, to make things better?
7. What are my 3 most important short term goals? Am I doing something positive to make them happen?
8. What are my lifetime goals? How is that going? Do I need to get help?
9. Does someone I know need me? How can I fulfill that need?
10. What steps can I take to fill in the knowledge and skill gaps in my life?

It would be a big fat lie to tell you I always get through this list, or that the list doesn't change daily. The comfort of the list is in knowing that it exists and that you can go back to it for a focal point if things get chaotic. Frankly, if you just pick one question on the list and work on it for a while, the exercise is just as valuable.

No matter what you do, write a blog, fly a kite or invent a universal vaccine for the eradication of stupidity in the world, you matter. What you do today matters. Never mind the nay-sayers that tell you to "get a life", you have one and it belongs to you. Be thoughtful, be considerate, be kind, be faithful, be loving and stay well. Make changes and develop skills through living your daily life with enthusiasm and keen interest in others.

I think I'll go change the sheets. This was exhausting.

For those that are clamoring for more, more, more, here are some pictures from our morning walk (a habit my husband and I are trying desperately to develop) here at Sun City Texas:

Pleasant work on the golf-course...so peaceful.

Thick underbrush along the path.

Near Trail's End.

Curious friends sniffing our scent.

Watch out for the cactus!

Emerald Green around the bend.

Morning skies...what a beautiful blue!

I wonder what lies ahead?

Lillypads on the lake.

A diversion from the main trail.

8am from Sun City Pavillion

Habits and Rules

2005-10-27T19:12:00.000-05:00

This is a post from last October that I re-read and thought was worth repeating. Enjoy.

I am a born resistor, a maker of sub-rules, a person always looking for the window of innovation and improvement in everything that I do. Even reverse psychology fails to take its toll on my innate and stubborn commitment to carve my own groove into everything that I do because I’ve been on to it since I was about 4 or 5. For people with a higher intellect, like say…um Einstein, this might be a good tactic. For a normal (?) person like me, this trait is more problematic.

It was an issue of some magnitude when I was young, affecting my personal life, my relationships, my studies and my work. Becoming more educated about choices in life and having mellowed with age, I can now admit that at least some of my innovations were definitely not improvements. My evolving approach to things has become more step-back and see what happens than the former forge forward with my personal whim strategy. The new philosophy wears much better in the real world.

I was never rude or abrasive, just inappropriately independent and not a great team player. Part of this came from a very real need to take care of myself without much help, and the rest from an inflated need to always be proving my competence in adverse environments. I think this is a common thread among people who grow up thinking they are lesser human beings, that they are entitled to less or that their station in life is predetermined by circumstance.

My parents did not teach me to feel this way on purpose. They did allow me to feel this way by allowing their own insecurities to be laid bare within the family structure. It was not their fault and this is not a blaming session, only a reflection of how a parent’s attitude of subservience and class can affect their child’s personality. To their credit, they did the very best they could to be good parents.

Security, self-worth and dignity are values that are “learned by being”. To feel secure, you must be secure. To have a sense of self, you must be assured in your personal value in this world. To have dignity, dignity must be present in your circumstance before it is planted in your mind and connected to your “self”.

Regardless of efforts that may or may not have been made to pass these values on to me, they came later in life. The good news is that the values are firmly in place now. Things like participating in a team, upholding the ideas of others without compromising self and being secure that I am equal to others and a credit to myself have become second nature. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel; I can be one of the spokes with complete comfort in my position. What a relief!

Whether you are struggling with forming values, trying to figure out what your position in life is about or just dealing with daily problems, a great place to start establishing control of your issues lies in forming good habits and a few ground rules.

There are two kinds of habits/ground rules that each of us need to form. The first of the sets are those that are universal and the second set is personal.

Universal habits are the written and unwritten daily actions that bind us in grace to the human community. I repeat: Universal habits are the written and unwritten daily actions that bind us in grace to the human community.

From the American Heritage Dictionary:

grace - NOUN:
Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of
movement, form, or proportion.

A characteristic or quality pleasing for its
charm or refinement.

A sense of fitness or propriety.

A disposition to be generous or helpful;
goodwill.

Mercy; clemency.

A favor rendered by one who need not do so;
indulgence.

A temporary immunity or exemption; a
reprieve.

Graces Greek & Roman Mythology Three
sister goddesses, known in Greek mythology as Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia,
who dispense charm and beauty.

Divine love and protection bestowed freely on
people.

The state of being protected or sanctified by
the favor of God.

An excellence or power granted by God.

A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or
after a meal.

Grace Used with His, Her, or Your as a title and
form of address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop.

Music An appoggiatura, trill, or other musical ornanment in the music of 16th and 17th century England.

For my own purposes, I have highlighted the accepted definitions of grace that apply here. It’s all about what we do, how we do it and lastly how that makes us and others feel and think about ourselves in the world community. It’s about applying the principles of faith and fairness to every aspect of our daily lives. It’s about realizing the potential of self through practicing our values. It’s about living by the rules that are innate in us regardless of our gender, religion, sexual orientation, skin color or political views. It’s about genuine love.

The habits are up to you, as your values may differ from mine. These are the ones that I chose to focus on:

Habit #1: Love God, love others and love yourself.

Habit #2: Practice your faith, pronouncing it is not enough. Pray.

Habit #3: Practice kindness and forgiveness every day.

Habit #4: Diligently work at identifying your gifts in life, then use them in your daily life.

Habit #5: Share. Do not hoard knowledge or resources unreasonably. This does not mean don’t take care of yourself, it does mean consider others.

Habit #6: Participate as fully as you are able with family, friends, co-workers and the community at large.

Habit #7: Help at least 1 other person every day.

Habit #8: Present yourself well. Take care of your health and your appearance and arrive with a smile.

Habit #9: Be thankful.

Habit #10: Be respectful.

The rules pertain to law and define the order in our lives. As I see it, these are universal and less flexible. In any case, these are mine:

Rule #1: Follow God’s laws.

Rule #2: Follow the laws of the land.

Rule #3: To the best of your ability, encourage others to do the same.

Clearly there are other habits and rules in life, like brushing your teeth or changing your underwear, doing your homework and respecting your peers and elders. If you develop the 10 habits above and follow the 3 rules, all of the sub-habits and sub-rules are second nature. You can not lie and be respectful at the same time, you can not hate and be loving, you can not help and be spiteful, you can not share what is hidden.

No one is perfect. All of us fail consistently at upholding our values because that is the plight of being human. The will to start fresh each day is the key to feeling as satisfied as possible with your actions. Acknowledging imperfection is the first step to doing better next time.

This is a model for thought and action that helps me stay on track. Maybe it will help you, but I would much rather see you sit down and think through the steps to see what works in your own life. Thoughtful consideration of what we do is the first step to realizing our potential as individuals and our capacity for contribution to the people in our life.

Grace be with you.

RANDOM SLEEP TALK

2005-10-26T23:21:00.000-05:00

My mind runs 24/7. There are many things rattling around in this familiar small space at the same time. The resulting chaos reminds me of dreams where there are many people who have absolutely no connection with each other except that you have known or seen them, frolicking together at a non-existent and bizarre event.

For instance, your Birkenstock-shod kindergarten teacher, one of your ex-flames from another decade, the Priest from your sisters wedding and your neighbor's nephew may be snorkeling together in a human aquarium while you watch from your restaurant table where a nurse is administering flu shots. The beef is bloody, but the wine is good. The dream cast is trying desperately to communicate with you, but all you get is bubbles. You never know whether you got the flu or not, or if anybody drowned or suffered a barracuda bite, because the dream just abruptly ends. The result is extremely unsatisfying.

Now, my thoughts are not usually as chaotic as my example, but they can be. Years ago I had a dream of being chased for hours by people with dogs heads up the stairs and around the roof of a high rise. A clock struck five and the dog-headed pursuers walked calmly to the edge and jumped off. Salvador Dali shook his finger at me and said "I told you so." I went back to my desk and worked through the night. Well, we all know what that dream was about. I can laugh now that I'm retired. Its even more humorous if I count my savings from all those years of hard work.

Usually its just a matter of going to bed with thoughts in my head and waking up with some kind of dialog still running. Maybe its the grocery list, maybe its the words for an important letter: sometimes its a prayer. If I read or study before bed, I will wake up repeating the lesson. If I engage in listening to music, a song may appear. More often than not, it is 3 to 5 unrelated items that have been categorized for action during my somnambulance. The beauty is, they make sense and I know what to do with them.

All of us have said "Let me sleep on it." I think there is more to this than an excuse to delay a decision. For me, sleep is a thought process where I am able to thrash about possibilities and alternate conclusions, solve that math problem and find the rubber bands I was looking for last week.

There are no restrictions on your internal processes when you are resting and no voices to discourage your natural creativity. I wake up with some of my best ideas and rid myself of some of the worst when I'm in the "z" zone.

I'm sure there are experts that will disagree with me, but I am firmly rooted in the feeling that sleep is a highly sophisticated decoding process for mind and body; a cozy and peaceful cove, or a carnival of encrypted complexities strewn with sights and sounds that only have meaning to the owner. Rejuvenation is only one significant purpose of rest.

Personally, I think it takes great faith just to go to sleep. What if something happens and you miss it? What if sleep is reality and the rest is the dream? What if your only true love is the one you meet there? What if the people in the aquarium are the most significant and closest allies you will ever have? What if you don't wake up? What if you do? What if those were real dogs in human suits? ;)

Methods abound to cure these issues, but drugs interfere with the dreaming (yes, in color), which I would miss. I also would miss late night peeks at the moon and stars and the quiet to think or write uninterrupted. I would miss patterns of the moonlight shining through the blinds at 3AM and the sound of my loved ones breathing. I would miss the communion with my cat, who shares my sleeplessness.

I haven't tried the sleep number bed, but I think my number is 0-4. I'd get up to do something else anyway and it would probably be an idea I got when I laid down.

All this from a chronic insomniac; practicing my avocation.

I better stop and get to bed.

Garden Visitors in Central Texas

2005-10-21T09:46:00.000-05:00

I was pleasantly surprised by this beautiful lady while bringing in the paper last week. Wow! (says me) I had to run in and get my camera and take pictures because this elegant specimen, a Golden Orb Weaver garden spider, is fully 4 or more inches from top to bottom. The body alone is an inch or longer and her thickness must be about 1/2 inch. I'm not through congratulating myself on this picture taken with my fairly low tech digital camera, as it's better than any others I was able to pull up on the web. Here's a little more info if you haven't run for cover yet. Look for item # 10. http://insects.tamu.edu/extension/bulletins/l-1787.html

This is a beautiful time of year in Central South Texas! Temperatures have finally dropped 5 or 6 degrees off the highs of the summer and most days peak out between 82 and 86 degrees. The low temps of the day are ranging somewhere from the high 50's to the mid 60's. In this waning October, the light from the full moon was so bright last week that a 3 am awakening had me up and looking out the window for sunrise. I went outside on the patio for a few still moments with the moon and a warm steady breeze from the southwest. Peace is so easy here.
Many of the native flowering plants are in full bloom now. You can still wear your shorts all day long, but in the early morning a little windbreaker is nice if you are walking. Yesterday, Austin reached a record high for the date at somewhere around 90.
We moved here from my husband's home of over 30 years in the Boston area where today's high will be about 57. Sounds like a beautiful fall day, but we will have a bright and sunny 82 or so here and when Boston starts hitting those 30 degree or lower marks, Central Texas will still be between 60 and 80 degrees the majority of the time. I have to interject here, that we loved Massachusetts too, there is a season for everything though, and we belong here now. That said, it is highly unlikely that we will be burdened with shoveling snow, falling on the ice or dealing with broken pipes due to freezing or severely aching joints from the cold. It is even less likely that frostbite will be a major health concern. There is a chance, but not a promise that I will wear my wool coat at least once or twice this winter. Thunderstorms and rain can be awesome and dangerous here, but they are also beautiful and renewing in their power. Gardening is a year round enterprise and each season brings new life.
Still, all is not perfect in paradise. You have to be careful of things like making sure you treat your yard for pesky little creatures like fire-ants http://austin.about.com/od/fireants/ and fiddle backed spiders http://www.ozane.com/pcn/spider01.html . Mold is an ever threatening issue http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/hrofr/interim/int77-1.pdf#search=
The growing population is encroaching so rapidly on former wildlife areas that our gardens are teeming with deer, armadillos http://www.flex.net/~lonestar/armadillo.htm, rabbits and the occasional skunk, scorpian, army beatle, tarantula or centipede. Cameleons, frogs, roadrunners and turtles are my personal favorites. Our garden also has a wide variety of butterflies and birds. If you go near the water, you are sure to see an occasional crane. A pair of morning doves took up early morning residence behind an Iris plant near the house last year and kept me company for a few days, and if you sit on the back patio long enough you are sure to see several hummingbirds feeding on the flowering bushes.
While it's a beautiful site to see deer grazing peacefully with the morning dew glinting sunlight off their graceful Bambi-like forms; the first time you notice that the target of their meal is a$40.00 plant (now sheared to within 2 inches of the ground), or that your $200.00 tree is dying from having the bark rubbed off...they become less charming. It is advisable to step gingerly in the yard to avoid the telltale "pellets" of last nights deer visitation. After replacing major landscaping items a few times the level of frustration is very high because you want to live responsibly with nature, but you are not getting much cooperation from the other side.
Ah well, I think, but God created all of us. Be patient, enjoy all of this beautiful free entertainment and hold the complaints for a time when there's something really bad in your life. For now, I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be. Perhaps Genesis says it best:
23 And there was evening and there was morning, a fifth day. 24 And God said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds: cattle and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds." And it was so. 25 And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the cattle according to their kinds, and everything that creeps upon the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 26 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth." 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." 29 And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so. 31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.
I left the Golden Orb Weaver alone for now; "Goldie" has protected status. Isn't it a great thing that God lets us live in his garden too. What a life!

New Beginnings

2005-10-14T00:34:00.000-05:00

New Beginnings

The development and birth of a human life is a beautiful, mysterious event. What happens after we get here is another story and what we do with our lives is subject to all kinds of influences. Physical, environmental, psychological, social and financial challenges bombard us from the moment we are born and it’s a tremendous challenge to weather this storm daily and come out on the other end as a decent, respectable human being. One of the most interesting life challenges is the new beginning.

Obvious new beginnings occur as a natural progression in our lives. Birth, eating, speaking, walking, starting kindergarten, moving to a bigger school, graduating high school then college, moving away from home, work, marriage, parenting, grand-parenting, and retired living are all normal examples. If only it were so simple. All of these common events are complicated further by sub-sets of internal and external influence. Parents, siblings, spouses, lovers, friends, neighbors, bosses and co-workers, con-artists and tricksters of every sort step into the mix and raise the stakes for our sanity. As if this were not enough, there are thousands of critical decisions to be made that test our faith and ethical fiber.

I read in a management textbook at college years ago that a single person is not capable of effectively managing more than 6 other individuals because of the complexity of relationships and situations that are formed when the number reaches 6. For example, the one to one relationship with the individual, the individuals relationships with the 5 other people you are managing, their relationships with each other and you, and all of the external factors that influence each persons performance on the job. It made sense to me at the time and still does. However, if you think of it in terms of ones management of their life, it seems like child’s play. Being confused is sometimes justified.

If your life is not too complicated, you may have the luxury of only experiencing a few major changes such as moves, marriages, deaths and traumatic events like accidents, illness, abuse or incarceration. In truth, most people have one or more of these complications in their life many times over. We move, we change jobs, we have disappointing relationships and failed opportunities. We commit offenses against other people. We are forced to make decisions with inadequate information and poor advice. We are left vulnerable and alone.

The good new is this. The human brain, even when we are using it at far less than capacity, is capable of handling as much as the world can hand us. It is like a dry sponge waiting to be filled with water, except that it never reaches it’s natural capacity. You get to choose what to put in it and when. You have free use of it every single day.

The bad news is that unless you manage your brain responsibly, it will just allow you to dig yourself deeper into the muck of poor insight, bad decision making and negative experiences. It will allow you to despair; it will allow you to destruct. Therefore, you have a responsibility to yourself to store good information, develop skills and give all things in your life respectful consideration before acting on them.

There’s more good news. If you have acted poorly in the past, your brain will allow you to correct the problem. You can decide to change your mind, alter your behavior and follow a better pattern of living. You can face changes with confidence that you are capable of being successful. You can take steps one at a time to make your life positive and satisfying. You can decide to get professional help for your problems. You can help yourself and you can help others. You can begin anew.

As a person who experienced more than my share of new beginnings, I have a few guidelines to help me move forward. If the change is motivated by negative factors:

Honestly define the reason for the change, including your part in it, then ask God’s help to make things better.

Make a plan before you make the change and follow it through.

Listen to your conscience and repair whatever you can.

Forgive yourself if you need to. Forgive others.

Do not dwell on past mistakes, but file them for reference.

Do not carry grudges.

Embrace your family and friends and keep them in the picture.

Keep your sense of humor.

Never allow yourself the luxury of self-pity. You are responsible and capable. You just made a mistake.

If the change is for positive reasons, think about these steps:

Thank God for your blessing.

Share the news with the people you care about, refrain from bragging to those you don’t.

Allow yourself to enjoy the event.

Be sensible and keep your perspective during the change.

Try not to make other major decisions at the same time.

Include anyone who helped you achieve your goal in your list of thanks.

Remember that others may not be so fortunate and that it is prudent to think about what you say and how you act during change.

True friendship is precious. Try not to leave friends behind. Stay in touch.

This passage from Psalms 51 has been helpful to me in times of change.

Psalms 51:7-13
7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me – now let me rejoice. 9 Don't keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. 11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don't take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. 13 Then I will teach your ways to sinners, and they will return to you.

Whatever your new beginning may be, try to take heart in the fresh possibilities that exist within it. Life is filled with uncertainty, but that is part of the adventure of being alive. Do your best to live it with a clean heart and I expect that you will do well.

Celebrating Life

2005-10-12T00:17:00.000-05:00

Celebrating Life

Many of the great philosophers and contemporary writers have pondered on the theme of the meaning of life. I would not compare my humble thinking process with that of these learned individuals or presume to say that I have the final answer. However, from my point of view as a believer in God they often miss the point. My thought is that each life has its own meaning in the sight of God and that its purpose here on earth is life itself.

You are a child of God. Nothing and no one on earth can take this away from you because God is greater and more powerful than the sum of this Universe and any others that may exist. The difference between you as a human being and other living creations is that God gave you dominion over the earth and all other living creatures then put you in charge of your life by granting free will.

What God asks of us in recognition of His abundant love is to live our lives according to his rules. Those ten simple rules only become complex with our endless and tiresome quest to circumvent and reinvent their meaning. These ten rules can be applied to almost any law text written in the history of legalese. In truth, if the entire human population lived by these Ten Commandments, no other laws would be necessary. Our courts and our jails would be empty and each life would be fulfilled in its own time.

Free will then becomes the problem. I believe that God gave us free will because of His love for all of His creations. I think that God meant for us to use it more judiciously; that we were intended to love, to work, to help our families and our communities, to exercise responsible stewardship of all of our gifts, to respect our bodies, to give freely of our talents and most importantly to fully recognize God as our Father in Heaven. I believe that we were also meant to love and respect ourselves and our home here on earth.

It is false to believe that we are more or less than any other person. It is truth to understand that our individual gifts are different. When we presume our worth and position is less or more than that of others, the potential for wrong thinking and wrong behavior is great. An elevated sense of worth, for an extreme example, could lead us to the thought that stealing from others or even murder is a solution to some life problem. After all, of what account is the victim if we are so much more valuable and our needs are so much greater than his or hers? A poor sense of our own worth can lead to self abuse, deprecation of spirit and denial of our sanctified place in God's human family.

Since you personally are a valued member of the human race and a child of God, it is your right and your responsibility to respect and love your life. It is your right and responsibility to exercise your free will in a way that glorifies God, recognizes the worth and equal value of other human beings, elevates your spirit and utilizes the full potential of your unique gifts.

You may or may not agree with my point of view according to your own free will, but it is indisputable that any human life is precious and limited in its length. Learn to appreciate and manage your days with careful attention to the details. Open your eyes and your heart to possibilities, put your mind to the task of joyful living, work diligently for good and ask God for help. Never despair, always forgive, and try again when you fail. Celebrate your life every single day by being all that you can be.

Planes, Trains, Automobiles and Buses, Part I

2005-09-28T21:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, while going through some old pictures I'm trying to catalogue and put into new albums for family, I ran across more than a few that had the grills, trunks, and bumpers of different cars that belonged to family members over the years. This kind of activity often carries me off into a memory zone that I haven't explored for a while.This particular time I was whisked away into two different directions of thought. One about the evolution of travel and how it contributes to our freedom and makes our world so much more accessible and the other about my own personal journeys in some of the cars in the pictures. Thinking about traveling in the cars was a natural bridge to other travel experiences; thus the planes, trains and buses.

So go the musings of firing, re-firing, near missing and finally connecting synapse when occupied with nostalgic activities. What struck me most profoundly about these images was the emotional weight they carried when coupled with their owners, and how the modes of transportation were a way of chronologically organizing my recollections.

For my mother, more than any other person I've known in my life, the car was a symbol of power. Mobility was essential to her in ways that I will probably never understand. Her quest for happiness and a better life, combined with my father's willingness to do whatever she asked of him, put our little family of five on the road many times. More often than not the journey was a full fledged move. The trips in between the moves were to visit various family members all over Texas with very few exceptions.

Before I graduated from high school, we lived in Ranger, Dallas, Brownfield, Borger, Brownwood, Waxahachie, San Antonio, Borger (again), Big Spring, Weslaco and Borger (once more). I've never been able to figure out the allure of Borger, and if you ever saw it you would wonder too. However, you can believe that I was no stranger to the art of passing time on the road counting the freight cars on long trains, telephone poles and oncoming cars with one headlight, reading long strings of Burma Shave signs, playing 'I Spy ' with my siblings and fighting for territory in a crowded back seat.

All of this was endured with two chain smoking parents, ever changing Texas weather and no air conditioning. Times being what they were, my mothers first requirement when packing for a trip was an iced down six-pack and a carton of Pall Malls. My Dad made sure the fishing poles and his bait and tackle box were somewhere in the mix. Seat belts were not a part of our health and safety plan. My calculation, considering the size of Texas is that we laid about a million miles of rubber on the state roads between 1947 and 1965.

There were three cars that stand out in my childhood experiences. One was the 1939 Chrysler (Plymouth?) that occupied my grandparents garage in Ranger, the second was my parents old visored grey '51 Chevy and the other was my Aunt Olive's Buick, I think a '55 or '56; a two toned affair with big vent holes along the side and a monster V8 engine. I loved my Aunt dearly and she, like my mother was very fond of packing up her children and her belongings in that car and driving like the wind to her current fantasy. Somehow the car is indelibly intertwined with her in my memory.

My folks traded in a 40's vintage car for the Chevy when I was about 9; that meant that the car was already 7 years old. By the time we got rid of it and bought a used '55 Chevy, I was 13 and the car was becoming a real embarrassment to me. The two grey monsters in my life that year were that Chevy and a grey hand-me-down coat that one of my classmates asked about in the following manner: "Is that real rat fur, or fake rat fur." Geeeez. Of course, I realize now that the car was really well taken care of and that my parents kept it because it was both reliable and paid off. The coat was in perfect condition, but suffered no further wear. I braved the cold with an icy smile many times that winter. At the time, sneaking out of the car before anyone saw me was a regular ritual and accidently leaving the coat in the back seat was tantamount to my social survival.

The only time I remember my grandparent's car being driven was in the summer of 1960 when I was 13. My parents, probably needing some space of their own, put me (The Leader and Protector), my 9 year old sister and my 4 year old brother on a Greyhound bus in Borger, Texas to travel to Ranger, Texas and stay with my grandmother for a visit. They gave me $2.00 to buy drinks for us and a box of 6 doughnuts. Being the leader, I refused to have anything to do with the doughnuts and made my little sister carry them. She is still angry about this. Borger to Ranger is 270 miles. The caveat about the two bucks is that I was supposed to give the change to my grandmother when we got to Ranger. I am smiling now. Change?

Arriving in Ranger, we were picked up by Grandmother and a friend in the friend's car. But my grandmother, seeing my immense maturity at age 13, started making other plans for the long unused, but well maintained Chrysler. So began our journeys up and down about a 30 mile stretch of Highway 66, visiting grandmothers church friends, doing sick visits, impromptu piano concerts and delivering finished sewing projects with yours truly at the wheel, floor shift, clutch and all. I got my drivers license a year later at age 14 and my Mother and Dad always thought I learned to drive at school. Since they paid for it, I never told them my grandmother had used me as a chauffeur that summer. My, my how the world has changed. The miracle is that I am here to see it.

Two other bus trips stick out in my mind. When I was almost 18 I married and left Borger for good. My husband was a Marine and was changing duty stations at the time, so he had to leave, pack up his gear in California and travel to Tennessee with the military to get to his new duty station. Getting to Millington, Tennessee for me meant getting on the dreaded Greyhound again, with the required box of 6 doughnuts and an increased allowance of $10.00. The trip was about 650 miles and included a whole night on the bus and a stopover at a deep South bus station where Civil Rights protests were in progress. This was scary stuff in 1965 for a girl that had never been out of Texas.

I was dressed up like an idiot in a beautiful white wool suit my mother made for herself but gave to me after betting with me that I wouldn't get up and sing some horrible song with the band in a nightclub in Amarillo a couple of weeks before my trip. I wanted the suit, so I did it. My outfit was complimented with a hat, gloves and gun metal high heels and matching purse, knowing that I was going to see my true love. My hair was done up in a French twist and sprayed to last with Aquanet. All this got me was a lot of unwanted attention from a creepy shoe salesman that was on the bus almost all the way to my destination. He was probably a child pornographer.

I never got off the bus for the entire trip and still had my $10.00 when my husband met me at the station on the other end, but I was one tired and thirsty girl in search of a clean bathroom. I bought a new pair of loafers with the $10 and had money left over for hamburgers and cokes for the two of us before we faced the Tennessee love nest.

In Millington, my husband had rented us a duplex about 5 miles from the base. This is a long way from civilization when you don't know anyone or have any transportation. So, I was pregnant with our first child and stuck in the country with a radio and the local newspaper to fill my days, but I was still deliriously happy and NOT in Borger. After all, we had $112.00 a month to live on and the rent was only $79. Life was good.

On one happy occasion, my husband came home with free passes on the local bus system to go in to Memphis. We had been saving to see 'Becket' starring Peter O'Toole. The big day arrived and we got on a completely filled bus headed for Memphis. I was very excited to be going somewhere. On second thought, anywhere would have been fine.

About halfway through the trip, I realized that it was miserably hot on the bus and that the air conditioning was not working as it should; a really bad combination of circumstances when pregnant. My next memory is of waking up on the bus floor after both throwing up and passing out with my poor embarrassed husband trying to take care of me while a sea of hankies and Kleenex were being offered by offended but empathetic fellow passengers. This is one of those select moments when staying passed out would have been a much better choice. You should have seen that bus clear at the first stop! We got to Memphis safely though, cleaned up in the theatre bathroom, enjoyed the movie and a walk along the Mississippi river before we returned to the isolated duplex/love nest.

I thought of many more car stories as I wrote these, so I've decided to continue on this thought path for a while. My first plane ride came at age 21, but I am saving airplanes and my hearse and ambulance experiences for another chapter.

Happy highways till then!

The Benefit of Simplification

2005-09-24T14:44:00.000-05:00

The dynamics of interaction with God and our human family affect each individual’s psychological development in both wonderful and frightening ways. Today I’d like to explore a small trove of personal ideas for healthy living with the goal of unlocking and releasing long held stressors that may be affecting our collective health and well being.

A necessary disclaimer is that I’m not a trained psychologist or other medical professional, and that all of this material is either from personal experience or personal opinion based on staying alive for the last 58+ years subject to an ever-changing and sometimes explosive family life. Many of these experiences were positive, and overall I can’t say that I’ve lived an unhappy life. My life at present, like most, is filled with challenges but I am also filled with love, peace and a sense of well-being that was a long time coming. All suggestions are offered with an open heart as an expression of my faith in humanity and the hope this information will make things a little better for someone. It helps me.

There is an art to being satisfied both in family life and life in general. The formula for me lies in two things: a cultivated ability to categorize life stressors, analyze their importance in my life and take positive steps to make the stress go away and the constant counting of the blessings I have in my life in comparison to negative experiences.

You may be saying, “Well, no duh…this is an over-rated and simplistic way to state a solution to a very complicated set of ongoing issues.” You are right. However, I have to reply that sometimes the faithful practice of simple solutions are the best path to a clear understanding of the complications in life.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I take on a complicated project with multiple rules, complicated language and political and psychological innuendo crawling all over it, one of two things happens; I throw up my hands in total disgust and walk away, or I meet the challenge with a welcoming attitude and start trying to boil it down to its most SIMPLE form and start from there. The second strategy is almost always successful for me. This is true of both projects that have a beginning and an end, and of family and personal issues that are more fluid and tend to evolve rather than be solved.

Every expert writes about how the family environment has a profound effect on how we behave as adults. I don’t disagree with this. We need to be conscious of our affect on young minds both in what we say and how we act. I wish I had been mature enough as a parent to realize this fully, but regrets aside, I have to work from the knowledge base I achieved later in life. We also need to develop a consciousness of our own developmental legacy, why we are the person we are, why we make the decisions we make and whether the influences we are following are healthy for us.

Part of this process is to separate the bad from the good. Put the bad into a reference database to be used for guidance in future decisions. Keep the good close at hand to generate life decisions based on positive results, planning, reality, and lastly circumstances controlled by personal skill and compassion for others who your decisions may affect.

We’ve all heard those sayings; “A place for everything and everything in its place.” Anon

Or, from the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-3:8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I would boldly interpret, asking God for permission, that there is a time to take all the things we have learned from these experiences, then generate peace and understanding around us by letting go of what ails us, keeps us from positive affirmation and stops us from being fulfilled in our lives.

Being an analytical person by nature I am a big believer in thought processes. Even though I usually don’t put it in writing, if I did, the process would look something like this for me:

GOOD
(BLESSINGS TO KEEP)

God in my life
Affirmative Statement: God gives me everything. Thanking God for my blessings, asking for His forgiveness and His guidance should be the first thing I do every single day and the last thing I do at night. If you want peace, find faith in God and make a lifelong effort to follow Christ to the very best of your ability. Remember that we are all sinners, all in need of salvation and all the children of God. Forgiveness is not earned, but given to us.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

Family
Affirmative Statement: No one is an island and family, even though they are not always choices in your life, are your most important and lifelong influences. Pamper them, cultivate their love, love them back, be compassionate with them and EXPECT the best from them.

Work
Affirmative Statement: Includes avocation. For example: I am retired and I must consider that the things I do every day are important and worthy of mention. I make an effort to share what I know and give others a chance to teach me what they have learned. I pay attention to my neighbors and my community and I share my resources when possible. If you are not retired, this means giving your best effort every day to the task at hand. When you fail, it means trying again the next day to do your best and putting the failure to rest.

LOVE
Affirmative Statement: Love is something you receive in return for what you give. It is not something you can force, but it is something you can both learn and cultivate. Giving in this case does not necessarily mean “things”, it means giving of yourself and your own unique gifts in life; sharing, showing compassion and many times assuming a burden for the sake of another. It also means accepting love from others with thankfulness and humility.

REST
Affirmative Statement: Rest is not laziness and is required for health and continued productivity. It renews your body, your spirit and your mind and makes you a worthy instrument to carry out both God’s purpose for you and your own goals for your life and your family.

BAD
(JUNK TO STORE FOR REFERENCE)

Sins
Rationale: I am forgiven by the blood of Christ and must not forget his suffering for the sake of my salvation.

Failures
Rationale: Only steps to successes anyway!

Failure to Forgive
Rationale: It is a great stressor to carry the burdens of distrust, hate, prejudice and judgment around with you. It is misplacement of energy that can be used to make your life positive and productive. If you can not forgive, give the issue time and go back to it again (in the sense of a reference) and see if you can see it in a different light. If time will not heal the issue, it’s between you and God. Remember that what you can not cure is not as worthy a cause as the things that you can do something about. Focus elsewhere.

Laziness
Rationale: When you fail to take action, you can never receive the benefit of action. Only you can determine what is needed here…not all of us demand the same things in life, but remember that you reap what you sow.

Anger and Hatefulness
Rationale: A completely human response, but an utterly useless waste of time and energy. If you experience anger, get it over with quickly, don’t let it manifest itself in abuse or misuse of other people and resources, forgive yourself and get over it. Change or avoid the circumstances that made you angry in the first place if you can, then plan for behavior that will keep you from being angry next time. If your level of anger rises to hatefulness, take some serious alone time…step back from the situation and take a deep breath. This is dangerous, harmful, stressful behavior.

I am not pretentious enough to believe that this simple chart can cure the ailments of humanity. But I am hopeful enough that I believe it’s a step at looking at your place in the world and finding out what’s important to you, what you can fix or work on and which things are just not worth the energy to consider including in your life. Thinking about your life in a considerate way is the first step to living it in the way that makes you happy.

For my heroes/ heroines who have stayed with me through this entire process (the 3 people who actually read this blog, lol), I have one more piece of advice: Educate yourself, educate yourself, then educate yourself. You need knowledge of God to accept and maintain the principles of faith, knowledge of the earth to maintain your place in it, knowledge of your fellow man to understand what it is to be human, knowledge of healthy principles to be healthy and knowledge of behaviors to behave appropriately.

These are the things that form our principles, form a base for the decisions we make and ultimately give us our unique identity as a person. Without the right knowledge, you can’t form a valid opinion, create a work of art or find your way to the local grocery store. Validate and affirm yourself by faith, by experience, by knowledge and by acts of compassion and love.

That’s why you have a vessel called the mind. Fill it.

CPU Blues

2005-09-14T13:22:00.000-05:00

Pardon me…I am mourning the death of information.

I was wide awake when the nightmare occurred, but stubbornly refused to believe it happened. Happily downloading some purchased, legal software from the Sonic site, which by the way was preloaded and recommended by my computer manufacturer, Dell; the monitor suddenly went (not blue) BLACK.
Hmmmm, says I. Whatever can be the matter? Time to hard boot. Done. That should fix it.

Noooooooo. No. No. Black screen persists! Maybe the CPU is working in the background and is just slow…I’ll leave my desk for a while (I knew better at this point). Next morning….black screen….it’s crying time again. Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot!

Shoot me please!

I called Dell and spent about 3 hours on the phone with one of their technical reps in India. The Rep was both courteous and knowledgeable in a perfunctory sense. Although I can’t fault her diligence or patience, when we gave up on our collaborative effort and I looked at all of the online help, she was just following the same rote diagnostic steps that were on the website. We had discussed at this point, that the data is a lost cause and reformatting the hard drive is the only viable action. I had to try every command key, help option etc., before I would believe this.

There are stages of mourning, and at this point I was determined to accept and move on. So I opened up the RAID dialog, pushed the fatal enter key and reformatted the disk. It was much like having an upper GI to leave my personal junk behind like this. No hope left except to start over. It took me 3 days to reload, verify, register and test the software so that I could get my system back. I’m still not quite satisfied, but I will say that I found Verizon’s DSL help desk much more thorough than the one at Dell. At least they told me some things that I didn’t know and didn’t have access to on my own. .
A positive note is that both MyFamily.com,Ancestry.com and PLAXO had files on their sites where I can recover some of the contacts, personal photos and genealogy. Our PDA, unfortunately doesn't have many files downloaded to it, even though there was plenty of capacity. If it weren't for these offsite resources, I would have nothing left. More thought on that later.

This computer is 6 months old, but had about 4 years of data on it. Resumes, personal files and letters, financial downloads and spreadsheets I worked hours on, many blog articles, family pictures, Calendars, Business Plans and over 300 Contacts….Shoot is turning to S_ _ t.

This is MY fault. Not because I was inept or ignorant of what I should do, but because I didn’t do it. I had an inflated confidence in the new high tech piece of equipment and thought a 6 month back-up would be sufficient for the amount of data I was storing. What I failed to remember is the IMPORTANCE of the data to my sanity and well being. I forgot also that a couple of hours a day for someone who works at the rate that I do can add up to a heck of a lot of lost work in a crash.

Three things I learned from this: BACK UP YOUR DATA ,BACK UP YOUR DATA REGULARLY and 6 Months is way too long, regardless of the size of your files. It's just as easy to set up a backup to run on auto nightly as it is to do it manually at longer intervals. (I am flogging myself now, a modern day info-penitente!)

Now that I’m back in business, my stage of mourning turns to paranoia about the lost information. Exactly where is it lost? Is it aboard some version of the Starship Enterprise, headed for worlds unknown? Is it fodder for an advertiser’s consumer soup list? Is a hacker shredding the irrelevant parts and using them to stuff living room pillows while he/she contemplates a suitable use of my finances? Are they part of the supreme energy that sustains us and keeps the earth spinning? Sheeeesh.

I guess we’ll never know.

Lord forgive me this expletive, but Damn it!

Sympathy cards accepted. Warm thanks in advance.

Paula

Things of Small? Value (In the Eye of the Beholder)

2005-09-09T23:55:00.000-05:00

You could say that things are not my thing. But sometimes I find great pleasure in things that others might not consider significant. Antiques have never held much allure for me unless they have history that I can connect with in some way. For instance, I dragged around a gargantuan art deco bedroom set that belonged to my father's mother for many years, and finally sold it for much less than the value would be today and I'm still beating myself up for it. I hated the bedroom set; it's the idea of lost value and lost history that are eating at me. I still have old photos of people whose names I have long ago forgotten, and it is e x t r e m e l y difficult for me to let go of anything that another person gave me as a gift. I am hardly able to defile a book (write in it, bend the pages, etc.) and dislike giving or throwing them away. It's like if I keep the book, even if I hated it, I will benefit from the science, wit, experience, love, disappointment and sorrow, or whatever else was contained in those pages. I'm also a media freak, always collecting software, CD's, DVD's and all of the neat sorts of devices that make them useful. After all, there would be no symmetry to this semi-pathological collecting if it were not set to music.

I'm not over the edge yet. There is a place for everything, and even if its not in its place, none of it has grown mold, become a hazard to moving through the house or put us in danger of strange viruses... at least not on most days. I also wouldn't classify myself as a common pack-rat. I have my standards and refuse to collect old frozen food containers or balls of string, keep old newspapers (mostly worthless on the day they are printed anyway), or hang on to clothes I haven't worn since the 60's. Yes, I was born way before then. Otherwise, I would not have had time to accumulate these character building thingamabobs.

The item that inspired this little ditty is a Primer. Specifically The American Book Company of New York, Cincinnati, Chicago, Elementary Spelling Book, published in the 1880's, I think. The only real clue is an advertisement in the back for Webster's International Dictionary of the English Language ("A Grand Investment for Family or School") that covers the last page of the book. With regard to the Dictionary advertised, the following is available: "The Authentic Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, comprising issues of 1864, 1870, and 1884 (____still copyrighted), has been thoroughly revised and greatly enlarged under the supervision of Noah Porter, D.D., L.L.D., Ex-President of Yale University, and as its distinguishing title bears the name of (encircled) Webster's International Dictionary." There is more, but you get the idea. It's old.

I researched this item on the internet and it appears to be worth about as much as a good lunch. There are other existing copies and they are for sale. I may buy one so that I can see the first 36 pages that are missing in mine. For now though, I'll just be happy with the thing I like most about this book, which is the sense of history I get from it. I enjoy reading through it and thinking of the little lives it was shaping at the turn of the century. There is also a tangible sense of history contained in its pages.

These are some of the lessons our grandparents, or maybe your great-grandparents were learning at the turn of the century, taught in sentences designed to use their spelling words in context while driving home the morale of the day:

Wolves howl in the woods at night.
When the wind blows hard the sea roars, and its waves run high.
The man who drinks rum may soon want a loaf of bread.
The little sister can knit a pair of garters.
God made the ear, and He can hear.
Shut the gate and keep the hogs out of the yard.
Parents should provide useful employment for their children.
The Indians traffic with our people, and give furs for blankets.
The drunkard's face will publish his vice and his disgrace.
Sons and daughters inherit the estate and sometimes the infirmities of their parents.
Savage nations inhabit huts and wigwams.
The farmer hatchels flax; he sells corn by the bushel, and butter by the firkin.
A virago is a turbulent, masculine woman.
We should not trust our lives to unskillful doctors or drunken sailors.
Never equivocate or prevaricate, but tell the plain truth.
It is the duty of every good man to inspect the moral conduct of the man who is offered as a legislator at our yearly elections. If the people wish for good laws, they may have them, by electing good men.
Discontent aggravates the evils of calamity.
Option is choice. It is at our option to make ourselves respectable or contemptible.

A virago? A firkin? Hogs in the yard? Yikes!

It is interesting to me is that some of these old lesson examples are strikingly similar in meaning to what we might want our children to learn today, while others are clear references to the prejudices of the time, and some are blatant reminders of the way things have changed for the good in our country. It's a mini-snapshot of society evolving. Quite a few of the simple morales of this old text are relevant, even if the delivery of the information is different today. I think the greatest gap is seen in the direct references to God, the Bible, and morality lessons that were entrusted to the educators of this time.

I know that this is a long and wandering post, which may not be well suited for a blogbite, but I'm going to impose on your patience for just a little longer with one of the speller's fables.

THE FOX AND THE BRAMBLE from The Elementary Speller, published by The American Book Company (1880's)

"A fox, closely pursued by a pack of dogs, took shelter under the covert of a bramble. He rejoiced in this asylum, and for a while, was very happy; but soon found that if he attempted to stir, he was wounded by the thorns and prickles on every side. However, making a virtue of necessity, he forbore to complain, and comforted himself with reflecting that no bliss is perfect; that good and evil are mixed, and flow from the same fountain. These briers, indeed, said he, will tear my skin a little, yet they keep off the dogs. For the sake of the good, then, let me bear the evil with patience; each bitter has its sweet; and these brambles, though they wound my flesh, preserve my life from danger."

Even today we can feel trapped and injured by the very things that provide us shelter from harm. God, our jobs, our homes, our marriages, our friends, our families, our THINGS and our duty to preserve it all can be overwhelming. "No bliss is perfect."

What is the point of this post, you may ask. The point is only to share something interesting that ties us collectively to our heritage. I would give up this little book and all of my other trinkets if I could recover one small box of photographs of my children growing up that I lost in a basement flood years ago (sigh).

Just imagine how many of these small things of personal value were lost both to history and to our neighbors in Hurricane Katrina's wake.

Paula

Where Do We Go from Here? Afterthoughts

2005-09-06T17:21:00.000-05:00

It is going to take a very long time for Katrina victims to rebuild their lives and establish some kind of normal existence. The figures I'm hearing are that over all three states, there is an area of 90,000 square miles devastated by flooding and somewhere around 775,000 people who are completely displaced by the storm. That means that they have no home, no job, no income for cash flow and in many cases none of the basic needs for existence. This doesn't even cover the medical and psychological backlash or the grief over lost family and friends.

Like everyone else, I was completely shocked and mortified by the slowness of our Federal Emergency systems and the National Guard to respond. I could understand the difficulty in getting in to the sites that were affected by deep floodwaters, but what I never understood is why we didn't see them dropping food and water by air long before they got there physically. I'm interested to see how the government justifies their actions both before and after the storm hit the coast.

Unfortunately, a disaster like the recent flood is often the primary instigation for a new way of thinking about the interdependency of human beings all over the earth. It seems that we (collectively) are unable to grasp the importance of strong social and governmental infrastructure as it relates to long term survival until we either experience or are threatened with imminent death and destruction. As long as the "Nintendo" is working, we have the luxury of complacency, self absorption and withdrawal from the human problems that surround us. However, when the technology is suddenly interrupted by an inexplicable "Act of God", our eyes are flung wide open, our minds are overwhelmed and our hearts are laid raw with sorrow for what has been lost in the wake of our apathy.

Personally, I would contend that this is not an act of God, but a failure of man to be faithful to humankind and to act in a responsible way to a known impending disaster. Without pointing fingers at anyone in particular, I will say that the agencies, the oversight officials and the committees of both National and State governments that appropriate funds to avert disaster and ensure the infrastructure have all failed in the most miserable and obvious sense. In the richest country on earth, American Citizens died while waiting for water, food and medicine. While the media emphasis is now being spun toward the positive actions that are being taken, we must not forget what a difficult and rocky road it was getting to this point.

I agree that the proportion of this event and the logistics of servicing such a large area with disaster relief is more than anyone would have imagined. However, there were experts who predicted this exact catastrophic effect months (years?) in advance of hurricane Katrina. I assume that our government paid for these studies and then took an educated risk based on statistics that determined their inaction. I also assume that because the levies had held in the past, arguments were posed that the money for this infrastructure would be better spent elsewhere. I wonder if we looked at the list of priorities for those funds today if we would come to the same decision. I think not.

Americans and the American form of government need to be accountable going forward. For citizens, that accountability will come in the form of arriving at the polls fully educated on the records of officials to be elected and fully aware of the impact elected leadership has over our lives. It may also mean taking personal responsibility in the form of donations or volunteerism to provide relief for those already affected by past events. For the United States Government and local governments, accountability is the only way to recover the trust and support of their contingency. This goal can only be accomplished by an unprecedented bi-partisan commitment to rebuild what has been lost, honor those who have lost their lives and commit funding to prevent any similar disasters in the future. Compromise should be a word that is laid aside in our political vocabulary until these goals have been accomplished.

So,how should we act going forward? We should act with care, with compassion, with love and concern and without blinders. This Bible Verse expresses our obligation well:

Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

Colossians 3:12

Don't play the blame game; just try hard to carry your end of the load.

Paula

Commentary Re: Negative Responses to Tragedy

2005-09-03T16:04:00.000-05:00

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? Re: Negative Responses to Tragedy

In recent days, I’ve been disappointed to see posts criticizing or demeaning the emotions of sympathetic people that have been brought on by the Katrina disaster. Even more concerning to me is the criticism of ANY action, including simple empathy and prayer, that people have for neighboring citizens in such dire and unprecedented circumstances. Some of the blogger posts I read referred to anyone “jumping on the bandwagon” with articles, donation links, empathetic statements and prayers, as insincere and under the surface, uncaring individuals. Another referred to the “tears” of Americans watching this tragedy as pure BS.

While this is a disturbing picture of how one might view fellow citizens, I am even more appalled by those that open their mouths and criticize the people of NO who did not get out before the disaster occurred. Clearly, these are people without experience in how the limitations that poverty, age, illness, mental capacity, responsibility for other people and lack of mobility, physical ability or even simple confidence can paralyze even the grandest efforts to take action.

And what about fear? I’m speaking of the desperate hope that you can hang on; the fear of leaving what little you have and going to an unknown space with no personal resources or means of income to support yourself (and maybe others) for an undetermined amount of time. Have you ever been truly afraid?

While I wonder about the decision making process of people who weren’t in these circumstances and chose to stay despite warning, I have the greatest and most heartfelt empathy for those with no choice. It’s not like we sent the National Guard in ahead of time to help them out. The government had just as much warning as the people.

If you are wearing the criticism shoe and find the squalor, death, starvation and dehydration of thousands of US Citizens acceptable because they didn’t have your excellent hindsight, education or resources…take another look at the stripping of simple humanity from your neighbors and put yourself there with the water rising and no place to go.

Hang on to the eaves on your rooftop in the dark of night with water lapping and spraying all around you and keep counting to see if any of your family is gone.

Wait endless hours in the heat with your parent dying and your child raw from diarrhea and dehydration.

Do it without water for almost long enough to kill you, and without food.

Do it while you are soaked to the bone with rancid water, while your own sweat and the stench of death and human waste are all around you.

Sleep on trash bags and refuse in the streets for almost a week.

Then answer to the criticism of flippant bloggers and talk show wannabes that think this is somehow your fault.

So put me on the empathy bandwagon, tears and all. There are short articles, donations links, empathetic statements and heartfelt prayer on this blog for the benefit of the victims, for the sorrow and shame of our country in the slowness of aid and comfort to the displaced and homeless, and for a revelation in attitude and human kindness from those that are wearing the “other “shoe.

Everyone has a right to a voice in this country…think what you may, speak as you wish, but as a parting thought; try to remember that kindness and human compassion have value, even to you. A good cry is in order.

Paula

Ways to Help Katrina Victims

2005-09-01T08:58:00.000-05:00

In the sidebar on the left, if you will scroll down a bit, there are a number of charitable organizations that I feel are legitimate and that do a good job with their resources. If you prefer linking from a site focused on giving, try the following link: http://www.networkforgood.org/.
If you have HOUSING for KATRINA VICTIMS that you would like to DONATE follow this link: http://www.hurricanehousing.org/.

There are many choices, just remember that you have to designate where your funds should go to make sure they are distributed in the way you intended. If you are unable to help financially, as many are, your prayers and moral support for the victims are important steps to initiate healing and restoration in this time of widespread human tragedy. Lift your voice and do the best you can with your own personal resources. God bless you for your efforts.
Paula

Prayer for Hurricane Katrina Victims

2005-08-31T17:41:00.000-05:00

Everything.....

EVERY THING.

I am watching the news from the comfort of my home and trying to wrap my mind around the hurricane disaster and relate to what is happening in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama, the core states of our beloved Southern United States. I am trying to think of the way to pray for people in the wake of such complete devastation and dire depravation. I am trying to imagine what their prayers and thoughts are, what their needs are, who they are and where they will go. I am trying to imagine the scope of their losses; family members gone, some surely dead, homes destroyed beyond rebuilding, medical help beyond reach, no drinkable water or food in sight or for that matter none available in the near future. No churches, no streets, no light when the sun goes down, no dry shelter. Blistering hot sun all day long and hours spent just trying to survive until help comes, praying that no more rain comes but needing the fresh water to drink. Trying to face another day when help does not come. Trying not to think of illness, and perhaps death if they are stranded too long. Some of them are surely wondering whether death would have been kinder.

Please share in my prayer for the hurricane victims and for the special people that are helping in any way that they can.

Dear Lord,

We acknowledge you as the one true God and Savior.

We thank you for the gifts in our lives and for your never ending mercy and forgiveness.

We thank you for our own personal safety.

We ask that you shower gifts of love, healing, mercy, supplies, health and strength to these hurricane victims, our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We ask that you protect each and every person affected by this storm and that you bring unprecedented healing and restoration to their bodies, their homes and their hearts.

We ask further that you bring us together as a nation and that you guide our national leadership and charitable organizations to carry out effective and timely search and rescue efforts.

We ask for the safety of our troops, our National Guard and private agencies that will put their own lives on the line for this effort in the days to come.

We ask your blessings on the souls that perish.

Lastly, we ask that you give us patience, endurance, strength, unity of purpose, resources and resolve to assist as we are able until the needs are met.

These things we ask in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ.

Amen

Eaves Family Reunion or the Ties That Bind

2005-08-27T23:27:00.000-05:00

The First Ever Eaves Cousins Reunion - August 13, 2005
Or, The Ties That Bind

Well we did it! After at least 40 years with various degrees of separation from family, raising our own families and following our individual interests, we came together for a weekend to share our common heritage. I wondered for a while whether this would be awkward, but I can assure you that it wasn’t. Pauses in conversation were few and most were filled with looks of joy, concern and amusement over old family stories.

I have to pause here and say that none of this would have been possible without Bob and Sharon opening their home and their hearts to this small seed of an idea last Spring. They were generous to a fault, and I don’t know how Sharon managed to put together such a wonderful meal, keep tabs on Bob and put up with so many relatives that she had never even met before. Their home is filled with obvious love and faith, making it a joy to be there and share it with them. It was also great of Bob to share with us about his animals and his life on the ranch. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

There were old family albums to be shared, and many of the pictures in one or the other cousin’s album turned out to be ones we had never seen of our own family members or the Eaves Grandparents. The albums are so old and the pages so worn that it was difficult to keep them from disintegrating as we looked for our own remembrances. Unidentified photos were scrutinized by our collective failing eyesight and we were amazed to see the generation before us come to life in these long ignored volumes.

Thus the ties that bind. Acknowledging God in our lives and thanking Him for all of our blessings. Recalling stories about one parent or another who did great favors, told great stories, and inspired the interests that we follow today. Repeating tales of fond encounters when a Grandparent, Aunt or Uncle was paying special attention to us. Hearing the latest versions of youthful shenanigans grown legendary with age. Sharing sorrow and tragedy with empathy and speaking gentle remembrances of the family members who have gone before us. Laughing at our faults, our follies and ourselves and acknowledging the imperfection of our human condition. This is a special unity of knowing the depth of family feelings that can only be found in this type of gathering. In truth, funerals and reunions have much the same purpose for families. They are for the living, they honor the past and they allow us a time of grace to enjoy family and worry less about our own cares.

We waited a long time, but now the torch of tradition should be carried forward. Joan and I will talk about where to have next year’s reunion and we’ll ask around for opinion till the decision is made. The most important thing is to have it, not where it will be. I’ve already heard interest from people who couldn’t make it this year, so positive things breed positive reaction. The consensus is that we will have the next reunion in June of 2006. I am waiting to find out the dates of Bill’s 40th Dartmouth reunion before I try to set a date, as that is an important event for him and I’m sure we will try to go. I’m thinking that the earliest date possible will be shortly after the 10th. I’m also thinking that the weekend of the 16th, 17th and 18th will probably be best. Keep this in mind and let me know if anyone has objections to those dates.

For anyone other than family that read this on my blog, my message is to stop thinking about a family reunion and plan one. This is one of the few places where such enduring memories can be made in such a short and enjoyable time. Every year that you wait, you risk the loss of a loved one or maybe even your own ability to participate. Life is way to short to keep waiting.

Here are a few pictures of our time together and some of a time many years ago:

FROST Reunions…The first picture doesn’t have a notation on the back. The second is of Ada, John, Aunt Laura, Sterling and Colonel Frost with our Great Grandmother Betty Cooper Frost. The third has the following note on the back: “This picture was made just a week to the day before mama died, thought you would like to have it.” I believe that the handwriting is Grandmother Eaves. This is only from memories of letters I received from her as a child.

August 13, 2005 – Eaves Cousins

I have more, but I think I’m pressing it with this many for email. Whoever took the group pictures, please forward me one. My camera was on the blink and I’d really like to have a copy.

Thanks and be well until next time. God bless you.

Paula

Embarrassing Moments

2005-08-27T01:05:00.000-05:00

We all have a few. Some store them in a dim, dark spot, never to be mentioned again. However, in my family the tradition has always been to get as much mileage out of these as possible. You can bet that when someone says “Do you remember when…” , there will be an revival of someone’s buried secret, bared for all to consider. Since they are all fodder for other peoples sic amusement, I thought you might as well enjoy them too.

Scenario 1: I am about 5. My Uncle and I are sitting in front of an ancient apartment building in San Antonio, Texas, where my parents are negotiating rent and move in details. It must be 110 and we’ve been in the car for a long time. I need to pee so bad that I am holding my breath to keep from releasing anything, even air. My Uncle gives me a small coffee can and I promptly make an effort to fill it, squatting dutifully over the can on the floorboard of the car. I am successful in filling the can, but my bladder keeps going. Said Uncle realizes the problem and snatches me out of the car, through the window, still peeing. There are people on the lawn watching. To top this off, HE was upset with me. My mother was rabid that the car had been soiled. I was teased mercilessly about my capacity. It was insensitive, but no one meant any harm. I cried for an hour and still never pee in strange places unless I’m absolutely forced. This is the first time I ever remember being embarrassed or knowing what it meant.

Scenario 2: I am 13 and in the first year of Junior High. I decide for the very first time that I am just NOT going to go to school on this particular day. We live in an apartment in back of a funeral home (my father was a mortician), and there is very small employee bathroom about 6 feet down the hall from our apartment door. Being super cool, I walk out the front door as if I’m leaving for school, but I duck in to the bathroom so that I can go back in the house after everyone clears out for the day. Footsteps. Oh Shoot! Someone is coming. Panic sets in and I step into the shower behind the shower curtain, books in hand, heart pounding so loud I thought it was going to thump through my chest. Water running…ok, maybe it’s just a hand wash…oh no, someone’s sitting on the toilet. There’s nothing between us but about 4 inches of shower wall. I am stupefied, mortified, terrified that I will be found out. Then things get worse. There are noises that clearly indicate that this is my father’s boss. It is obvious that he is going to do his daily…right there, with me in the shower next to him. By this time I am all but dead with fear. Alfred Hitchcock’s panic scenes were nothing compared to this. Without being too graphic, I will say that the topper of all toppers to this already sloppy scene was the stink. Try holding your breath and trying to ignore stench at the same time. End of story; he left, I was not caught, I waited 5 miserable minutes in the bathroom then went into our apartment and lost my breakfast. After that, I gathered up my books and WENT TO SCHOOL. I waited at least 30 years to tell this story to anyone.

Scenario 3: I am maybe 15. My Dad has a new emerald green Rambler with lay-back seats. I borrow it to go on a date to the drive inn and the next day my Dad discovers the driver’s side head rest sticking into the back of the driver’s seat. Go figure.

Scenario 4: Same year. My biology teacher lives 2 doors down and at the end of the street. Every time I go to class, he feels obligated to comment on my social life and report to the class who was at my house the previous evening and ask rude questions about where we went and what time we got in, and the inevitable jab about whether I had quality time for my homework. This went on for an entire year. It would never fly in this day and age.

Scenario 5: Flash back to age 12. I’m getting undressed to put my pajamas on, but I stop by the closet mirror to see how things are growing, if you get my drift. As I walk away, I hear giggling and my young cousin reveals that he has been hiding under the bed watching. I didn’t tell on him, but I got a lot of mileage myself out of this as a blackmailing tool for ice cream, sodas and other essentials.

Scenario 6: Age 14: I am “seen” in a car at the local fast food drive in talking to two boys at once. I am called on the carpet for this by my social club sisters (really their up-tight mothers) and told that if this ever happens again that I will be black balled. I never could quite understand what the significance of that would be for my future, but it was clearly embarrassing in the present. I find out later how immediately significant this is when I ask one of my “sisters” to visit my house during a phone call and I can hear her mother in the background replying that she is not allowed to hang out with “trash”. WOW! Hurt first, then embarrassed and in retrospect very angry.

Scenario 7: I’m a young busy mother of 3. I haul myself out of bed on a Saturday morning, grab my jeans from the day before, put them on and head for the grocery store. I’ve been there about 45 minutes, perusing the isles, when I look down on the bottom shelf for something. When I bend over, I see one leg of a pair of panty hose trailing about 2 feet behind me. They had been in the leg of the pants when I put them on! I can’t believe people were mean enough to see this and just let me suffer through it and find out myself. Live and learn.

Scenario 8: My first job interview after my husband came home from Viet Nam was at a car dealership in California. I have no panty hose, so my husband runs in a department store on the way to the interview. He brings out the package and we start toward Santa Anna for the interview. I’m supposed to put the panty hose on in the car. They are entirely inappropriate and I don’t have the heart or the guts to tell him. They are black and have seams up the back…to boot, my clothes for the interview are way out of sync with California life (red, hot and too dressy) and I look like a complete idiot. They felt sorry for me and I got the job anyway.

I realized while typing these that I probably have several hundred more. Some are not amusing. Eight is enough! Maybe I’ll confess again another time. For now, I’ll just tell you that somewhere around age 40 I decided that embarrassment was just a gross waste of time and energy. If I get caught in an act of stupidity these days, I just laugh it off, admit the sin and chalk it up as experience. Who really cares? As long as I’m trying my best to please God, everyone else will have to live with my faults.

The reason I got that job with the stupid panty hose and the wrong dress for an interview is that I obviously needed it, deserved it and could do it. When you deal with decent people, that’s the way life works anyway.

Till next time.

Paula

An Adaptive and Dignified Career

2005-08-24T03:53:00.000-05:00

In 1985, I experienced a “career interruption”. Mind you, my choice of vocations had not been focused even up to the events that preempted this change, but it had definitely been interesting and remained so for the rest of my working life.

I had my first real job at about age 12. It was clerking at a little local business that sold records and flowers. “Running Bear” by Johnnie Preston was continuously playing in the shop because they were trying to push it off the shelves before Christmas. It was 1959 and I still hate that song. This was my one and only retail experience. I had various jobs through Junior High and High School, some normal things like babysitting and ironing, but I also sang for funerals. Since my father was a mortician who worked in a Funeral Home with a flower shop; any morning I was free on a Funeral Day was spent making funeral sprays.

In 1965 I married and left the town in the Texas Panhandle where I had been living since Junior High. I became a statistic at that moment, although I didn’t understand economics well enough to realize it. From where I stood at the time, almost anything looked better, but I was looking with untrained eyes. There is much more to this story of young love and escape from the known to the unknown but imagined life of glory forever, but that is for another time. I was speaking of occupations.

I found out quickly after I married that lack of education IS a problem in getting work. I also found out that a little ingenuity, personality and hard work can get you a lot further than a resume without experience. I was fortunate that getting hired was never a problem for me. I’ve always been able to ace the interview and field objections in a way that put them in my favor. Often I ended up with work that exceeded my skill level, but I was always able to learn quickly and rise to the task.

In my early work life, money was the most important thing, with a family to care for I was looking for an occupation that paid the highest rate possible for my skill level. It just happened that in 1965, this was about $1.35 an hour. When my husband went to Viet Nam in the fall of 1965 leaving me at home with a new baby, I moved back to my parents and went straight back to school. I could already type well, so a quick course in 10 key and alpha-shorthand and I was back in the workforce. This has been the pattern of my education; one small skill at a time over many years, edified by a succession of jobs that grew beyond their bounds into nightmare workloads of epic proportion.

It’s not that I didn’t like working; it’s that I seldom worked at anything I particularly liked. I think that this is a common dilemma among people who do not have a strong passion that they follow for a career. My saving grace was that I did have a passion for accuracy and that is a highly valued strength. By the time I was 23, I was a widow with 3 children, so choices were limited and my responsibilities were indelibly defined. My first husband came home from Viet Nam, but died in a car accident within 3 years. This is not a pity party. My children are my life and we’ve had a very interesting, if somewhat difficult journey together. Some of that journey was my work as an accounting clerk, full charge bookkeeper, financial services administrator, salesperson extraordinaire, temporary employment service manager, customer service manager, and cab driver. Did that last one get your attention?

1984-1985 were two years I’ll never forget. I almost took my own life in despair over my job and the sure demise of my second marriage. I found out my mother had cancer and lost her within 6 months of the diagnosis. I left my husband and went to stay with my brother and his partner until I could find a home, and ended up after a short while living in a house with 9 people that included my son and his new wife and one of my high school age daughters. No one was working but me and my brother’s partner. I lost the house that I had made the down payment and all the payments on for the previous 7 years. I was forced by my financial condition and living circumstances to leave my youngest daughter to live with my ex-husband. I was broadsided by an 18 wheeler in my sister’s car while I was taking her children to pick her up at work and all of us survived the wreck but the new Buick was totaled and the rig had no insurance. A few months after that, we found out that my brother had AIDS.

In the midst of this, I gave up God and converted to Buddhism. God still loves me and I found my way back to his fold. I was just so very angry and unsatisfied with the world that I forgot that He never gives us any burdens that we can’t handle. I don’t want to mask this as a minor infraction though; I was a practicing Nicheron Shoshu Buddhist for almost 10 years.

The advent of my brother’s illness cast me in the role of caretaker. He was 10 years younger than me and I had been more of a 2nd mother figure to him than a sister. It was logical that I should help with his care since I was in the same town and I didn’t have small children living with me. How was the question. A rigid work routine of 40+ hours could not accommodate running him to doctor’s appointments, seeing that he had food to eat, medications and proper care and contact with family. When his condition began to deteriorate, the needs were so obvious that I could not turn away.

I tried waitressing odd hours, but there was not enough money to survive on. So, I saved a down payment and bought a taxi cab. This was an odd solution, but one that ultimately worked out well. I drove the cab 12 hour day shifts and was able to pick my brother up for appointments, take him meals and check in on him anytime that I was in the area. I hired two other drivers to pick up all the shifts that I couldn’t work and the cab ran 24 hours a day. The cab was a 1984 Chevrolet Impala police car that I bought with 42,000 miles on it in mid-1985. When I sold it (for $1000.00) to another cab driver in 1991, it had almost 500,000 miles on the odometer. It was still clean and had some life in it.

My brother died in 1991 and I went back to jobs that society would deem more appropriate for a lady of my age and education. Sales, mid-management, then a small business (very small). I gave all this glamour up in 1996 when I married my dear husband, who I met in a chat room on the internet. Then I spent 10 happy years in Boston with him and now I am retired and living in Sun City Texas.

On the surface this may sound like a story of immense tragedy, but if you think this, you should look deeper. There were many happy and treasured hours with the people I love during this time, there were learning experiences that formed personal values, and there were lessons in tolerance, patience and the practice of living with diversity. I learned the difference between surface acquaintances and true friends. Most importantly I found God again and I found my true life mate in my husband. He made it possible for me to live life in a calmer, more structured way and to build resources to support that life. With an opportunity offered by my last employer, I went back to school while I was in Boston and trained as a programmer.

There are still unresolved issues in my life. I have two daughters that have had problems with drug addiction and have suffered legal consequences from their actions. They are struggling to restructure their lives and recover from this devastating problem. I lost my father to an embolism far too early. I have arthritis and my husband is disabled. Through all of this I am blessed. I am blessed with love from my family, with acceptable health and the ability to improve it, with a wonderful husband, with 6 grandchildren and a small but cherished group of friends. I am blessed with survival and I am eternally thankful to God for my life.

My father used to say “There is honor in all work.” He was trying to tell me that I should never judge anyone by the level of their formal education or how they make a living. He was also trying to make the point that common labor is a necessary and proper element of society. He was right. The truth is that if you could count the layers of complexity in any one person’s life, you might be counting to the end of your own. Work is only one layer. Try to make it a layer that you love, but if you can’t, love yourself while you perform the task. There is dignity in that.
Paula

Unison Prayer of Confession August 2005 and Keeping the Faith

2005-08-21T21:51:00.000-05:00

The services this morning at the First Presbyterian Church in Georgetown, Texas were dedicated to the opening of the New Education/Administration Building. It's a wonderful facility and will add years of purposeful service space for this vital church community. I am continuously amazed by the unity and spirit of this church, and this is just an example of what can be done when people are faithful and of one mind.
I believe that God blesses this congregation not because of their works, but because of their obvious faith and trust in Him. My husband and I have benefited tremendously by involving ourselves in this church family and we are thankful for their presence in our lives.
Every service includes a prayer in unison. This was the morning for the unison prayer of confession, which follows:
Gracious God, our sins are too heavy to carry, too real to hide, and too deep to undo. Forgive what our lips tremble to name, what our hearts can no longer bear, and what has become for us a consuming fire of judgement. Set us free from a past that we cannot change; open to us a future in which we can be changed; and grant us grace to grow more and more in your likeness and image; through Jesus Christ, the light of the world.
This is a short prayer that is filled with meaning for imperfect souls everywhere. Following the prayer, there is a silent prayer of confession and then a declaration of forgiveness. Each of us need forgiveness, renewal and freedom from the bonds of our collective sins. Each of us need a chance to put our affairs in order and look toward a bright future where we can stake our claim for peace and know the comfort of being forgiven.
This future of living in the knowlege of being forgiven belongs to us through Christ's sacrifice on the cross. He died so that we would be forgiven our sins and have everlasting life.
This simple prayer is going to be the beginning of every prayer I say this year. I was taught that there is a proper sequence in prayer. First praising God, second confessing your sins, third prayers for the world and for others, fourth asking God for help in your own life and lastly but most importantly, acknowledging Christ as the Son of God. This is a wonderful way to start praying if you are unpracticed at your faith, but I believe that you can pray in any way that is natural to you. If all you can say is "Lord I need you." with sincerity and humility, it is an eloquent beginning to a journey of faith.
This particular prayer goes right to the heart of the matter. Forgiving and being forgiven, accepting our past and putting it in it's rightful place and opening your heart to a future that you can grow and thrive in with the help of God first, then your family and your friends is the only way to achieve true happiness. Grace is a natural state when we are doing our very best to walk in Christ's image.
OftenI read what I write and wonder how I would feel if I was someone else reading it. Please understand that I like to write about what I aspire to, and not necessarily what I have already achieved. Walking a path of faith and goodness is a lifelong task and it takes tremendous effort to keep climbing back up the hill every time you fall. It's that way with my life and with everyone I know. Be encouraged that if I can do it, I know that you can. All of us need a lot of help from God.

Paula's Reality Diet Journal

2005-07-18T19:03:00.000-05:00

A Real Reality Diet Journal
Journal Entry 8, August 20, 2005 - 31st Day

I'm back after several days without journaling. We finally finished our Texas/Kansas/Colorado/Texas/Colorado/Kansas/Colorado/Texas odessy and completed our family obligations the best that we were able, and we are trying to get back to some kind of normal schedule here at home. Note: If you leave home for several weeks in July-August, don't do it in Texas. Our weeds have been having a growth holiday while we were gone and I have all the exercise I can take just trying to catch up on the yard. I picked a full trash bag full of monkey grass and assorted weeds this morning and I'm sure there are four or five more bags to be pulled before the yard looks decent.

My diet progress has slipped slightly, back to 8 pounds lost, but I am still pleased. I have not really been dieting, only being careful about portions for the last week, and the loss seems pretty stable. Now is the time to go back to the plan. I had hoped to be on South Beach and sailing by this time, but with all the interruptions, cooking at home was not possible. All excuses aside, I've decided to start where my success started and go back to the Cabbage Soup diet for 1 week. It's been several weeks now, so I think the strategy is sound and that it will be a good way to get back in the swing of a health diet.

So, 31 days, 8 lbs. If I can lose 8 in September, October and November (another 24 pounds)that will be a 32 pound total. I can't tell you how satisfying that would be until it really happens. Trust me, I'll find the words when the time comes.

See you again soon.

Paula

A Real Reality Diet Journal
Journal Entry 7, August 9, 2005 - 22nd Day

It's official. This morning the scale answered my query with a solid 10 pound loss! Yea me! It's a long way from goal, but a really encouraging bench mark, especially considering the left field events we've been through the last 2 weeks.

5 more days on the road, 2 to Stephenville, where we are staying for the family reunion I've put together with my cousins on my mother's side of the family. 2 days in Stephenville and a day back to Georgetown. I will be so glad to get home to our life and get things back to normal. Of course, there is the trip to Houston for my husband's neurology appointment (2 days)the week we return, then the church retreat in mid-september and a planned vacation the last week of September. I guess that the lesson from this is that life is never predictable so you need emergency plans and strategies to employ if you are trying to diet with any consistency.

The truth is that life is full of unexpected directions. Personal resolve is key in determining whether the surprizes take you away from what you want or teach you lessons about how to keep your values and goals through all circumstances. If you can pull through the hard times without slipping back into undesirable habits, it will make the routine days a snap to handle.

There are 143 days left in 2005. If I can lose 10 pounds every 22 days until the end of the year, it will be a loss of approximately 65 pounds. I'm going to be easy on myself and set my goal at 7 pounds every 22 days. That is 45.5 more pounds by December 31; a total loss of 55.5 pounds for 2005. It's not quite goal, but very close. I should be wearing a size 10 by New Year's. Now that's something to look forward to!

We'll talk again around the 15th of August when I get home from the reunion.

Paula

A Real Reality Diet Journal
Journal Entry 7, August 6, 2005 - 19th Day

Things are not going great. I say this after pizza for supper, which was excellent and pretty well controlled as I only ate two small pieces. I had McDonald's for breakfast, no lunch.

We are on the road again after my youngest daughter was in a motorcycle accident. She will get well and we are fortunate to have her here with us. We came to Colorado to help with her after-hospital care of serious skin injuries to 60% of her body; the diet pretty much flew out the window with stress and refocusing of energy.

In the midst of this event, my husbands' step-mother passed away very suddenly. We made an emergency trip from Colorado to Kansas and back to attend the memorial services and to lend family support to his 96 year old father who had been married 23 years to this lovely woman.

Stress has been very high here. Being a caretaker for anyone is difficult and my older daughter has done an excellent job under very difficult circumstances, but not without serious disruption of her household and normal activities. Squeezing in dressing changes and getting up in the middle of the night to dispense medication has taken it's toll on her well being. I am forever thankful for her caring ways with both her siblings and me. My husband and I came to help after being invited, but that's more people in the house and even though some of the responsibilities are spread out, the family dynamics in these situations are always tense. This is no different.

On top of all of this I've developed an inflammation around one of my molars and I'm going to have to go in for an emergency dental appointment on Monday if it doesn't improve (not likely).

Right now, we are just thanking God that my daughter will recover and trying to get through both the accident and our grief for Bill's family. This is the kind of curve that classically will end a diet for good, but I am determined to get back on track and make this work. After all, what good can I be to others if I can't take care of my own health?

Note: Until I get home, more salads and veggies, less eating out, lots of water and try not to worry so much. Remember that God is watching over us and try to trust more in Him.

All of this will heal in time.

I'm not weighing this week, it's too scary.

Paula

A Real Reality Diet Journal
Journal Entry 6, July 28, 2005 - 10th Day

Time is a strange concept. Have you ever noticed that it has a different meaning to you that is completely dependent on the actions that you are measuring by time? Sleep time, too short. Waiting for Christmas, too long. Vacation, too short. Working, dreadfully slow if you hate your job, too fast if you love it. Hug time, never enough. Dieting? It's like being in a major time warp going backwards.

While I was beating myself up this morning (a negative ritual I use to motivate myself), one of the things on my list was that I have not paid enough attention to THE DIET the last two days. My weight loss stabalized the last two days and it's 6.5 pounds, not 8. It seemed like I had been doing this forever with no substantial results.

I'm laughing at myself now, because I came back to the journal and realized that it's only been 10 days since I started, I was basically off of the diet the last two days because of other very legitimate concerns in my life that I was attending to, AND I had still maintained the loss of that 6.5 pounds!

"A rationalization is more important than sex. If you don't believe it, try living one day without a rationalization."
- Jeff Goldbloom, from THE BIG CHILL

My rationalization of the day is that the 1.5 pound difference is probably water weight. Rationalization two for being happy about the 6.5 pounds is that it's more weight than I've lost in a month in previous attempts. Aside from the rationalizations, wake up Rockingrama! That was a 5 pound bag of flour and a 1.5 sack of blubber you lost! NEVER MIND THE WATER you Putz.

Benefits gained:

Ankles that look better, at least to me.
A little confidence to continue dieting.
Some insight into some very basic good eating habits.
A sense of perspective about allowing for a SMALL margin of error.
6.5 Pounds Lost, gone, down the drain, swooooooooosh! YEA!

I'm entering a danger zone because we're leaving on another trip and will be traveling most of the next three weeks. This means I'm going to have to exercise extreme control over what I eat on the road, provide good choices when I'm able to eat at home and choose very wisely when we eat out.

I'm like The Little Engine that Could now. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can! I'll let you know when I know I can. lol

Wish me well and I'll keep you informed.

End Note: I've decided to republish this journal with the most recent day on top instead of the first day so it's easier for readers. Since it's basically hiding all the other articles here, I may move it over the next couple of months to it's own unique blog site. There are other human issues I want to share with you. God Bless each of you.

Paula

Journal Entry 5, July 26, 2005 - 8th Day

It's been some weekend. I did pretty well on the diet on Saturday. It was a beef and vegetables day. The diet allows for a substitution once of fish, so we had grilled fish for lunch, a bowl of the soup and salad. For supper I did salad, squash, brussel sprouts and sliced tomatoes. I ate some cantelope, which was not on the diet (2 1 inch slices). I stayed up way too late on Saturday night and ended up sneaking another Milky Way bites...ok, it was actually 2! Such pressure. Note: Don't stay up so late, you get hungry.

Sunday was Brown Rice, unsweetened fruit juices and vegetables. I had a vegetable omlette for breakfast after church...of course, eggs are not on the diet. I had lots of raw and cooked vegetables plus the rice the rest of the day. Last night I had some stressful news that affected me emotionally though, couldn't get to sleep and ended up eating some ice cream (1 scoop) before I went to bed. I understand that this was purely emotional eating, but it didn't stop me.

The total weight loss for the diet is good. I'm still at an 8 pound loss and my attitude is to continue. I'm not elated, because I think I could have done better.

Things I learned:

I have 2 very weak (lame) habits to break. The worst is staying up so long after dinner that I get hungry again. Since there's not a meal at this time, I tend to grab "whatever", which is usually something sweet. Going to bed at a more reasonable hour should be helpful with this.

The other is an emotional attachment to foods that I normally would not be tempted to eat, but crave if I'm in the wrong state of mind. That can be anything from normal frustrations when things aren't going my way to more serious issues like worrying about family. I need to target another kind of activity and stay away from the kitchen when I'm in an emotional mode. I was not hungry and did not need or really want ice cream last night, but it seemed like the right prescription for the emptiness I was feeling. NOT. My tactic for this in the future will be to set the timer for 30 minutes anytime I am "wanting" items I know I shouldn't have, then make a new decision when the timer rings. I suspect that the time will help me make a better decision. I'll let you know.

Another tactic to use: Smaller plates, smaller bowls, cups instead of mugs and plenty of bottled water so you know how much you are drinking.

Notes about the Cabbage Soup Diet: I think this is a really good starter diet in many ways. There's enough to eat if you like vegetables, and I really couldn't see anything unhealthy about the diet as long as you take vitamin and mineral supplements along with the regimen. A major drawback for me was that there's a big void in the area of breakfast items. Getting up and having vegetables or cabbage soup for breakfast just didn't appeal to me, so I was waiting until lunch to eat most days and just having liquids in the morning. There are two days when you can have fruit, the 3rd day and the banana and skim milk day, and one day when you can have unsweetened fruit juices, the last day. This helped me get through because I could use the fruit item for breakfast on these days.

Now for the hard part. What and how to do things this week. I will be eating only measured foods, trying to work South Beach menus into our regimen, and for at least this week, using a lot of frozen portion Lean Quizine or South Beach dinners. It's all about calorie counting and portions for the next two weeks. I'm interested to see if this is all water weight that will come back like a sledge hammer on me. It doesn't feel that way, but I am skeptical still.

Monday, Monday...My plan is to have 2/3 cup of Special K and 1/2 cup of skim milk for breakfast. Cabbage Soup and salad for lunch and a Lean Cuisine dinner plus plenty of liquids and all of my supplements. This is less than 1000 calories. Pray for me.

Paula

6th Day: Journal Entry 4, July 23, 2005

I am at a 9 pound loss, which is better than I've done on any start up program in the last 25 years. I'm elated about the loss, but still skeptical about my ability to maintain it.

Confession: Last night I sneaked a milky way bite size candy into the diet. I was not really tempted to have more, just wanted a bite of something really sweet. I also had some brussel sprouts with my beef and tomatoes. Since I couldn't think of a substantial difference between brussel sprouts and cabbage, this seemed like a suitable choice if I was going to add to the menu. Had the soup at noon along with sliced tomatoes and a glass of diet green tea. I'm still not able to get down as much water as they recommend, but I'm downing as much as possible and try to keep it handy all the time. An interesting aside is that the liquids seem to go down easier with a straw.

Today is Beef and Vegetables day and according to the diet, I can substitute broiled fish or chicken on one of the days for beef. I'm having broiled Grouper with Key West spices (has a lime flavor)and yellow summer squash with a spinich salad for supper.

I miss eggs.

Visible differences:

My face seems less swollen and puffy and there's a pretty substantial change in my ankles. My rings fit better. I attribute this to water loss. However, I can see a little difference in my upper arms and abdomen. This coming week I am going to start charting measurements. I won't share these here yet(too embarassing), but when I get done with the diet, I will post them. I will tell you that most of my clothes are a size 18 or 18P, with some 1 and 2X garments now. I'll let you know right away as that changes and I can get in to some of my smaller clothing!

Physical notes:

I seem to have plenty of energy most of the time, but when I get tired, I hit the wall. I haven't been taking any pain medications this week because I wanted to assess where I am with this issue. My knees hurt, as usual, but there may be some benefit as I was able to tolerate the pain without the medications. It would be a substantial benefit not to have to take them. We only went swimming once and should have been 3x or more...will try to correct this next week, it's important.

Planning:

Since I'm not going to be on this same diet next week, I went to the store and stocked up on raw salad goods, fruit and frozen diet meals(mostly Lean Cuisine). I started an Excel Spreadsheet in my data files to track weight, inch loss and any symtomatic problems I have with continuing to diet. I have the South Beach cookbook and I'm marking recipes that I think I actually will and can cook. The problem with this wonderful book is that it often calls for special ingredients or spices that people rarely have on hand. The style of eating is a good one though and I think I can adapt over a pretty short period of time.

The Cabbage Soup 7 day diet has some confusing recommendations online...I found a few places that said you should leave 2 weeks in between using this diet and one that said the diet was healthy enough to use as often and as long as you like. Since it is working so well for me, I'm going to go off for one week and then back on and split the difference. Off meaning that I will use a different diet that specifically provides more protein choices for the one week in between.

Other recipe notes: When I amde the soup I substituted a large yellow onion for the green onions, used a package of shredded carrots in lieu of the 3 carrots, left out the mushrooms, substituted celery salt for the celery and added a package of the shredded broccoli slaw mix from the grocery store. I still used the canned tomatoes, 2 chopped green peppers and the Lipton Soup. I used a full head of cabbage instead of the half the recipe specifies and no V8 (I kept this to drink).For seasoning, I used Louisanna brand Cajun Seasoning, extra garlic and pepper, but no extra salt. Even though I'm a little tired of the soup after a week, it was very palatable and I enjoyed it most of the time.

Looking at the ingredients, I think you could puree them and make a more traditional "Gaspacho" and drink it cold for a little difference in the taste. Just be careful to include the cabbage. I would cook the cabbage until its soft, cool it off, then add it into the blender with the rest of your ingredients to puree. Drink or eat this while it's really cold for the best taste and consistency. You can add a tablespoon or two of mashed avocado, mixed with a small amount of low-fat/no-fat sour cream and seasoned to taste as a garnish to the cold soup without hurting the diet too much if you stick to the portion and follow everything else for the day you are on.

All that said, the less you fool around with the original recipe, the better off you probably will be. I tend to get creative with food, so follow your heart and use your head. Remember that the obvious key to this particular way of dieting is changing your body chemistry. Also, watch out for any medical symptoms such as lack of energy, lightheadedness, constipation or diarrea and make sure that you make whatever adjustments are necessary right away to correct the problem even if it means going off of the diet. If this happens, don't give up, just make a new plan.

I can do this, and so can you.

Paula

4th thru 5th Day: Journal Entry 3, July 22, 2005

I've been good. With minor modifications in what I have to drink mostly, I have followed the diet to the "T" for the last three days. I thought the bananas and skim milk day would be hard, but really it wasn't too tough. If you are one of those persons who dislikes milk, I would suggest that you sub the Chocolate Soy Milk "Silk" product instead. It has a nice taste, goes well with the diet and doesn't add anything substantial to the calorie intake. If you can't stand either one, try a no caffiene, low calorie/no calorie soft drink like Minute Maid Lite Lemonade (5 calories) and be sure you take a vitamin supplement this day that includes calcium and vitamin D.

Now for the good news, I have lost 7 pounds. Even though I know that a great deal of this is probably water-weight, it's as good as I've done in a while and I can't wait to see the results after 2 more days.

Down side: I have felt a little hungry and cranky, but nothing I couldn't handle if I just kept repeating my goals and kept myself otherwise occupied. Fixing meals for my husband is a little difficult, but I'm getting thru that too. I've had a slight headache a couple of times, but enough liquid seems to alleviate that.

Up side: The weight loss, of course. More than this I think there is a sense of "It may really be possible." going through my head, i.e. CHANGE OF ATTITUDE!

Temptation Thwarted: Went to Sonic with my husband last night. I had a diet cherry limeade while he had two hot dogs and a chocolate malt. Yea Me!

Today is the beef and tomato day and I'm ready for that steak. It's going to be an 8 oz rib eye on the grill. I bought tomatoes day before yesterday at a local stand and they are wonderful. Yummy.

Comments would be great. I could use the encouragement.

When I've lost 20 pounds, we'll try another picture. I'm not convinced that's enough to make a photo discernable difference, but we'll see.

Paula

Day 2, Journal Entry 2, July 19, 2005

Today was good after the scale-shock of the 2 lb gain this morning. The soup was already made. I'm having a little problem with the diet already though in that I need juice in the morning to take my supplements. They are liquid and getting them down in plain water just isn't an option. So I opted to add 6oz of Lite Cranberry Juice (40 calories)to mix the liquid and powder supplements. I don't think this will kill the balance of the diet, but who knows? If it does, I'll try another tactic.

What I was supposed to eat today: All the cabbage soup I wanted. All the vegatables I wanted (avoiding corn, peas and dried beans as much as possible)and a big baked potato for supper. What I actually ate: The cranberry juice/supplement mix, 2 bowls of cabbage soup, about 2/3 cup of green beans, 1/2 cup of mixed veggies, which did include corn, a small green salad at both lunch and supper and that wonderful baked potato. I had a lot of liquids, but probably not the 64oz recommended. Also, I drank a Minutemaid Lite Lemonade (5 Calories). I'm going to pass on the chocolate soy Silk tonight.

I have to tell you that my husband is so cute. He's trying to be supportive and today (the second day of the diet), he told me I must be doing really good because I look better. What a sweetheart...he doesn't know about the two pounds, so I'll just let him live in blissful ignorance. Now that's love!

I had the good fortune to run into my friend Sandy on the internet tonight via "Hello" and I had a great talk with her about this. She's been on a different diet for a few months now and has lost almost 60 pounds! What a trouper and a great influence. I'm going to keep talking to this lady! You may say "why not go on her diet?", but if you are a dieter of any experience you know that it's a very individual issue. We'll see how things go.

Exercise was on the agenda today and Bill and I both went swimming. I walked around the resistance current thingy 12 times and did some leg lifts, stretches and running in place in the water. I think I got in a good 30 minutes of pure exercise, the other hour was just funning around, talking to the ladies, etc.

Closing comments: Time for bed before I eat again. If I lose 60 pounds, there's going to be a serious party! No pictures today, I still look fat.

Paula

Opening Day: Journal Entry 1, July 18, 2005

What dieting is really like from one horses mouth.

It occurred to me while contemplating a diet AGAIN that there is a lot of positive support available. Unfortunately, most of it sounds like a pep rally and reads like slick magazine advertising. Never mind the money. It would be worth some money to lose the weight. Hard earned experience tells me that that is not the answer though, so I'm starting my own weight loss campaign and I'm going to share honestly what it's like a to z. Warning, there may be negatives here, but if that is true I'm going to try to work out the solution in print for you.

Here are a few positive statements to start out: I am ready for this. I am sick of being fat and sick and ready to sport a healthy weight forever. I want my looks back and know that it can be done. I know that by doing this I will increase my lifespan by at least 5 years and possibly more. I may be able to avoid more surgery with aggressive health management, including a healthy diet.

OK, today I made the Cabbage Soup! Been there and done that before, but when I queried myself, I had to ask; were you consistent? (no), how much of the soup did you throw away? (1/2) were you doing the other things you need to do to make a diet work? (sleep, supplements, exercise, journaling?- no again).

Seriously though, this weight management issue is way out of hand. I weigh 209 today and at 5'2" that is not only not good, it's health and life threatening. I haven't developed the worst of problems that can be associated with overweight people such as diabetes and heart failure, but I do have plenty of associated problems. Anyone that is this overweight that tells you differently needs a reality check.

To date the health issues are:

1. I have Osteoarthritis and the weight is causing me problems with rehabbing from knee replacement surgery in 2004. I need to correct issues with swelling, walking incorrectly while trying to reduce stress on the knee (duh!). The other knee is as bad as the one I had replaced before surgery and my hips are not far behind the knees.
2. I have a large gall stone that needs to be removed (also not uncommon for overweight people), but I don't want to expose myself to surgery again at this weight.
3. Pain is limiting my ability and willingness to commit to regular exercise. However, in truth, the exercise can alleviate some of the pain. Go figure. It's a vicious circle.
4. I've had two bladder/kidney infections in the last two years. None now, knock on wood. Previous 56 years, 0 bladder/kidney infections. Seems like there's a clue in there somewhere.
5. My blood pressure is inching up. That speaks for itself.

6. I worry more about diseases like diabetes, cancer and chronic heart failure than I should and this worrying is a detriment to my well being.

Speaking of healthy; you may be interested to know that I don't think the current diet I prepare for me and my husband is all that unhealthy. We eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, fish and chicken more than red meat and I include soy protein, antioxidants and sources of beta carotene in our diet. When I use oil, its mostly olive oil, sometimes safflower or canola. Most of the liquid we drink is free of calories. I take vitamin and mineral supplements daily. We are also desert lovers though, and frequent the ice cream shelf too often. The other issue is the same one that most Americans have, we eat out too often and many times that includes 'fast food'.

This pattern will have to be seriously modified, along with the ice cream issue. Bummer? Not really. I don't like the guilt associated with eating what I shouldn't anyway. I think the issue, for me is one of pure excess. Not necessarily too much at one sitting, but too much overall for my age, weight and condition.

For the first day this is a lot of purging. Pun intended. I'm going to close now, but will make a note if I slip up so you can have the full monty. I need to reserve the time to think about what I will eat tomorrow. What a conundrum.

One final note. For the sake of continuity, I will be updating this document rather than posting new ones each time I write about this. Here is a 'fat picture' for your edification and amusement and to remind me of why I'm doing this.

I'm on the right. This is early in the morning and it was a really bad hair day too. The picture is interesting because you can see my back side too! Laughing.

Oh well.

Wish me well.

An Important Message about Family and Personal Safety (CLICK Title to link to www.LiveSecure.org)

2005-07-12T09:58:00.000-05:00

Part of my morning routine is to take my first glass of OJ, water, whatever and sit down at my computer to drift through the news. I usually start with MSNBC.com because it's my startup page and conveniently delivers the headlines to my morning case of brainfog. I don't know how everyone else chooses what they will read, but for me, it's a process of elimination first and then categorzing the top 3-5 subjects that catch my interest (then on to the crossword). In truth, I probably will only thoroughly read 3 of these and scan 2 or 3 more before I move on to my own concerns of the day. The rest, I'll get on Cable at noon or even better, on National Public Radio (NPR). I look for good news, as a matter of practicing the art of futility, and seldom find it. However, this morning I did find something USEFUL. It occurred to me that it would be even more useful if I passed it on.

I was reading the latest Dan Abrams article about the Natalie Holloway case (HS Grad missing in Aruba) and when I got to the end, there was a link to a website called www.LiveSecure.org , established by Zandt Associates. There was a short bio about Dr. Clint Van Zandt, who it turns out, is a former FBI Chief Hostage Negotiator and the leader of the analytical team that identified the unibomber. Nice credentials. There are more if you care to look them up.

Dr. Zandt now works as an MSNBC Analyst. His company, Zandt Associates, developed the www.LiveSecure.org website "to develop, evaluate, and disseminate information to help prepare and inform individuals concerning personal and family security issues." It's worth a thorough read and worth storing as a favorite reference item on your computer.

All of us, as Americans and World Citizens are concerned about our safety and security these days. There are myriad opinions about whether we are "safe", who is responsible for our safety and to what degree they are responsible. In the end, if we don't take personal responsibility by modifying our behavior and taking reasonable precaution, we can blame no one for the end result. If we are in harm's way by association or even just by being in the wrong place at precisely the wrong time; we have to be realistic about what's possible and informed about how to think and act on our own behalf. It is also our responsibility to be vigilant for the safety and welfare of others who are less prepared or able to protect and defend themselves.

I do not believe in living your life in fear of the possibility of tragic events. Go for your walk, travel to places you believe to be reasonably safe, live out your life's dreams and purposes and go where your job takes you. While you are doing this, pack common sense in your bag and make it a part of your daily routine. A safety net never hurt anyone.

I'm also adding www.LiveSecure.org to http://www.rockingrama.blogspot.com in the left hand sidebar as one of my permanent links. It would make me really happy to know that you recommended it to your friends and family as well.

Live well and be well.

Paula

2005-07-11T10:42:00.001-05:00

In Between
by Paula Roberts © 2005

In between the lines of life
are wonders unexplored;
friends and lovers, unheard hopes and dreams.

Like afternoon shadows they follow reality,
always within your reach,
illusive, but filled with awesome promise.

Listen with care to the shadow’s echo
calling on your mind to reward your heart
with joy and abundant love.

For as surely as shadows concede to night,
dreams that once were ours to savor,
fade to reflections of wistful regret.

You Can Quote Me

2005-07-09T11:13:00.000-05:00

Quotes from Rockingrama:

God is real. I know this in my heart and in my mind.

Family should never be taken for granted; they are your most precious gift and will not be there forever.

Forgiveness and compassion are always the best path for any wrong that is done to you.

Drugs are the most voracious and deadly social disease on earth, the second is AIDS, the third is man’s inhumanity to man.

Hate is a plague of epic proportion; do not be infected by its influence. Hate will make you less than you were meant to be, and it will destroy your values.

Terrorists are Godless, ignorant, faithless, unprincipled cowards who use religion and politics as excuses to commit crimes against other men, women and children. They are the lowest form of humanity, having no eyes or ears for truth and peace and no compassion for the suffering and death of their victims.

Education is all around us. Being educated does not require a degree, but it has two prerequisites: desire for knowledge and motivation to put that knowledge to use.

Take time to define your values; you can't live by them unless you know what they are.

All people should be concerned with the affairs of the global community; in the end, we are intrinsically connected by common need, environmental dependence and moral responsibility for each other.

The most shameful thing on earth is a starving child.

Love serves no purpose except as a gift.

Learning to love is a process of actions toward others, not a reaction to being loved first.

Love first anyway.

Our only hope for the future is to pay very close attention to the present.

Vote.

Failures are trifles to be absorbed as experience.

There is no shame in failure; the shame is in not acting on your dreams.

Success is a chain of failed experiences that finally prove out a theory of behavior resulting in the desired outcome.

Success and random acquisition are not synonymous. Success is a space where inner peace harmonizes with your heart’s desire and the rigors of reality.

Children are a mother’s heart, beating on the outside of her body. Good or bad, they reflect her soul.

Remember that the only view that you have is your own, which is very narrow. If you aspire to greater things, you must listen and consider the views of others.

You will never be treated better than you treat others.

Never spend another hour with a person who abuses you in any way. What they will inflict on you, they will do to you again then do to your children and your family as well. While you can forgive the assailant, you will never trust them again. Their illness is not yours to cure. If the violence goes past you and on to your family, friends and children, you will never forgive yourself. More importantly, you may never have the opportunity.

No matter how hard you try to protect children from the lesser things in your life, they always see right through you with eyes of innocent honesty. They admire and mimic both your best and most deplorable behavior, so look at yourself with the eyes of a child and try to be what they need to see.

Some things we only get one chance to get right. If one of these has passed you by, refocus and try to do better. Living in regret is self-absorbed and unproductive.

On the lighter side of life:

If you are getting hit by the _tuff sliding downhill, you should consider choosing your seat more carefully next time. It’s worth the price of the upgrade.

It is amazing to me how much time we spend trying to remember whatever it is that we forgot. Maybe, just maybe, it was worth forgetting.

Love is NOT blind. Take care of yourself before and after you are married!

Questions to consider:

If success is the end goal, what comes next?

Who can define success for another person?

If you were the only person on earth, would success be important?

Who in your life extended the most kindness and compassion to you?

Did you ever say thank you?

Is there someone you need to say "I'm sorry" to?

If you died today, what would people remember about you?

What would you want them to remember about you?

Who were you kind to today?

Have you taken the time to forgive yourself? To forgive others?

If you cannot forgive, why not learn to put the wrong behind you and move on for your own sake?

If this is all there is, would it be so bad?

If this is all there is, why?

If you harbor bitterness and darkness in your heart, how can you build a life of light?

How is true respect earned?

If God is not real, why are you here?

HOPE - An Independence Day Message

2005-07-01T15:55:00.000-05:00

Hope
An Independence Day Message

With the 4th of July weekend coming up, I was thinking about how privileged and blessed we are as Americans. I was particularly focusing on the legacy of hope and the tradition of actions to support our hope in this country. This legacy began with the first settlers, who came here with great hope for freedom from tyranny, religious persecution, unfair taxation, famine and civil unrest in their countries of origin.

This was no ordinary mix of individuals. There were religious zealots, atheists, opportunists, criminals escaping jail or worse from judicial systems in Europe and beyond. The migration over the next few decades included people of every skin color, every religion and every political persuasion. They heard of this new land and sought it out as an opportunity to improve their prospect for a productive and successful life.

The most extraordinary part of this story of faith and courage is that almost none of these people had any idea what their new life would be like. Some had a little money and a few possessions, but many were counting on finding land, staking a claim and settling in a place yet to be determined. Many were bound over as servants to the more fortunate so that they could earn land and/or freedom by finishing a term of servitude.

In the beginning, they were bound to each other by the ties of survival. None would survive without the cooperation and support of the people in the small villages that they raised. They were largely unprepared for the severe winters on the East Coast, short of provisions and food and ignorant of what the land would yield and the culture of the Native Americans, who they desperately needed for guidance and instruction in this new environment. Many died. Infant mortality was poor and disease was a force to be feared. Through all of this hope survived, God remained faithful and prayers of renewal were answered a hundredfold.

It would be hypocritical to say that this is a story without moral dilemma or human consequence. The treatment of the American Indian and the ensuing genocide of generations of Natives and their culture was both deplorable and immoral. The advent of slavery and its long practice is such a monumental and collective shame that this country may never be free of the social and psychological damage. Wars, both righteous and unrighteous, have taken a huge toll on our generations and the heart of the nation.

Americans are still struggling with the boundaries of true freedom and what that means to the individual, to the family and to the nation. That is why we still suffer from political and civil unrest, prejudice, disease and poverty. There is irony in the fact that through the American Court system, our quest for religious freedom and particularly the right to glorify God without the interference of government has come full circle to restrict our ability to proclaim and display our faith in public. Wasn’t that part of the point in the first place? I believe that it was. I believe that this applies to all persuasions of faith.

However, we have historical knowledge that the blood shed for our flag and our national sense of morality will continue to support the ideals that the generations before us envisioned. We believe in large part that our government will always respect and revere the principles set forth in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, which ensure our hope for the future. We mourn collectively all of the circumstances that undermine the core of our system of freedom and justice and we celebrate in jubilation the past that has made our future possible. We honor those who died for this country and those who are still making the greatest of sacrifices to defend our shores and our people.

No, I haven’t mixed up my history. I know the difference between the Declaration of Independence, the drafting of the Constitution and the impact of historical events on our nation. To me, they are inextricably melded ingredients of a recipe still in progress. Won’t it be wonderful when the cake is baked and iced; when all of the words are reality?

God has blessed us. We have resources, infrastructure, opportunity, support and shelter from storms. Acknowledging this, we have a responsibility to God, to our families and to our neighbors to exercise our freedom with great care and utmost respect for those who share it with us. Freedom is nothing if there is no one to share it with. The Declaration of Independence is an implied guide for the application of personal responsibility to our selves and to others. It is, for most Americans, the single most important document in history aside from the Bible. Celebrate our history with thoughtfulness, look forward to our future with a sense of the same hope that our early settlers had and remember that throughout all of this, Americans had fun too!

God Bless and Keep You this Independence Day! Dare to Hope each and every day; you have the most reason to hope of any culture on earth. Always take action on your dreams and support the dreams of others.

Paula

Vacation Pics - May-June 2005

2005-06-25T20:52:00.000-05:00

I LOVE our camera! It's so easy to record great memories and small pleasures. I've uploaded some recent pictures of Springtime in the Rockies, New Mexico and Texas and I hope you enjoy them. If so, you may want to go further and read about the month we just spent on the road. If the page won't scroll far enough, you can find that in the archives links under Vacation-2005. Be well and stay happy!

2005-06-25T20:46:00.000-05:00

Decent into the Canyon - Castlerock Canyon State Park - South of Franktown

2005-06-25T20:45:00.000-05:00

Blue Skies through the Pines - Castlerock Canyon State Park

2005-06-25T20:44:00.000-05:00

Spring Wildflowers - Texas

2005-06-25T20:43:00.001-05:00

Palo Dura Canyon State Park - Texas

2005-06-25T20:43:00.000-05:00

Palo Dura Canyon State Park

2005-06-25T20:42:00.000-05:00

Red Clay Formations - Palo Dura Canyon State Park

2005-06-25T20:41:00.000-05:00

View 2 from Capulin Mountain Volcano, New Mexico

2005-06-25T20:40:00.001-05:00

View from Capulin Mountain Volcano - New Mexico

2005-06-25T20:40:00.000-05:00

Bill enjoys the lake at Nederland, Co

2005-06-25T20:39:00.000-05:00

A feild of wildflowers - near Parker, Co

2005-06-25T20:38:00.001-05:00

Springtime Scenery - Near Deckers, Co

2005-06-25T20:38:00.000-05:00

Wildflowers - Castlerock Canyon

2005-06-25T20:37:00.000-05:00

Wildflowers - Castlerock Canyon

2005-06-25T20:36:00.000-05:00

Pine Cones - Castlerock Canyon

Vacation, May-June 2005

2005-06-24T10:59:00.000-05:00

I suppose that it could be argued that my husband and I are on permanent vacation, since we are retired. Reality is, we have more to do now than ever and we also have the time to do it. Our plans have to be realistic and within our means, but it is a glorious freedom to be able to put down the daily cares of life and visit family and friends for a month when your soul thirsts for the communion that you can only find with those that are closest to you.

Because my husband Bill is physically disabled and is frequently in pain from the Dystonia he has lived with for most of his life, and because I also have problems with osteoarthritis, our biggest issue is allowing enough time for rest and recuperation when we are on the road. We've found that short hops of under 300 miles work really well for us. We get up when we feel rested, drive for 2 or 3 hours, take a hour for refreshment and rest, then drive the rest of the miles we planned for the day and stay overnight. No deadheading. We leave that for our trips by air.

The wonderful result of this necessary planning is that we are able to stay focused on enjoying the trip. We can stop to enjoy State Parks, city attractions and those off road experiences that you see on billboards and rarely stop to enjoy when your time is more limited. We can satisfy our curiousity about historical markers and country market stands. If we get a little lost, changing our path is not a major concern. We love the variety and peaceful views on the State and County roads and often find amusements that the Interstate does not offer.

One of our major destinations this trip was Olathe, Kansas, where Bill's father and step-mother reside in an assisted living complex. We are planning more frequent visits to Kansas as Bill's father is 94 now and his step-mother will be 85 soon. Dr. Joe's health is good in many ways, but his physical abilities are suffering with age and he is now in a wheelchair. Ruth had a hip replacement a few months ago and things are not as easy for her now either. The upside of all this is that they are otherwise well, happy and as involved as they can be with God, family, friends and life in general. Dad was able to present several verses of "My Coney Island Baby" in a respectable barritone when asked to sing at the lunch table and enjoyed our trips outside to enjoy the Kansas sunshine. Ruth recounted stories of recent visits with her daughters who live nearby and showed us pictures of her grandchildren with obvious pride. We dined together in the main dining room each night of our visit. They were also full of inquiries about our lives, our health and our daily concerns. They made it easy to visit and hard to leave because they are so dear to both of us. I can only hope that we will live our golden years with such dignity.

While we know that Western Kansas has a lot to offer in the way of history and amusements, this trip was focused on people. I wish I could say the drive across Eastern Kansas and Eastern Colorado was stimulating, but there's little to catch your attention. Once you get about 100 miles out of Kansas City to the east, the land flattens, trees become more scarce and the terrain doesn't change much until you start seeing the foothills of Colorado. We were interested to see, however, that the little towns along I70 going east, were virtual islands of well tended streets and gardens with huge churches and small but busy populations.

One town seen from the road had such a large church that we went off road to take a look. There were less than a hundred houses in the township, but a Catholic church of city proportions loomed at the edge and was only beaten in size by the huge grain silos on the edge of town. It's obvious that this church must draw from a much larger agricultural community, but it was an anomaly in such a small town. The tiny houses seemed oddly in contrast with the flying butress look of the church. Talk about an awsome daily reminder of your sins. Whew!

We spent the night in Colby, Ks on the Kansas/Colorado border. The next day we departed the interstate and went south on highway 86 since it intersects with 83 at Franktown, Colorado. Franktown is about 2 miles south of our destination in South Parker where my daughter and her husband just moved into a beautiful new home. Turning on to 86, the land begins to change almost immediately into steeply rolling hills and lush green landscapes with pine, cedar, blue spruce, spring grasses, cactus and beautiful wildflowers. The bonus is that very soon you start glimpsing the front range at the peak of every hill and Pike's Peak to the southwest. Slowing down so that you can take it all in is a natural response and that's exactly what we did.

My daughter Kimberly opened the door of her new home before we could get the car doors opened and was hugging us before we could unfold our stiff bodies. This alone was worth the trip. We had three great weeks ahead to visit with family and friends and to enjoy the best of Colorado. This included a family day with my son-in-law's parents, brother and sister and their families; two outings with a high school friend of my husband, who lives in Parker; a trip to Niwot, near Boulder for an elegant home cooked dinner in another old friend's home; dinner out at Maggiano's Little Italy with my long time friend Sam and his partner; repeated visits with both of my younger daughters, Deborah and Carla, who live in the Denver area; an afternoon in Colorado Springs in the backyard of more old friends sipping lemonade and telling "war" stories about Bill's beloved New England connections, and many evenings of dinner, conversation and sharing with Kimberly, Robert, Wiley(their Dalmation), Magic and Poquito(their cats). We ate out a lot and shunned the cooking and cleaning in favor of laughter and good conversation. Kimberly and I spent time at the tanning salon getting a "base" for the summer, had our fingernails, toes and hair done and shared errands, including some essential shopping for nonessentials. Carla and I had a lazy afternoon lunch at the Bluebonnet in downtown Denver,arguably the best Mexican restaurant in the area. We squeezed in a Rockies game at Coors field with excellent tickets given to us by Robert's boss. There was another night out at a another excellent Mexican Food restaurant in Englewood with close friends of Kim and Robert. The four of us took a ride to Cripple Creek the last weekend we were there and spent a minute amout of time gambling and a lot of time enjoying the scenery. One day we connected with my brother-in-law from my first marriage who I have not seen since 1982. It was a good visit and time well spent.

Between all of this family activity, Kimberly and Robert were working, so Bill and I planned and executed a few day trips of our own. We spent an afternoon south of Franktown at Castlerock Canyon State Park, a suprisingly beautiful place that looks flat and uninteresting from the road, which hides the beautiful deep canyon about 1/2 mile in. There are ruins from a dam that broke in 1933 and flooded Denver; a forerunner of the Cherry Creek Dam. Trails abound, but we are limited in our ability to climb, so we spent a lot of time looking at the views from the rim. We discovered a road on the other side of the canyon, asked about it at the info center and took it home when we left. The result was a great view of the dam ruins, and some very impressive cattle ranches on the other side of the dam. The road led directly back to 83, which took us back into Parker.

Another day we rode through Castlerock and on up 86 toward the Mountains and found our way to Deckers and beyond, ending up at Salida which is northwest of Denver. This is high mountain land, mostly above 8,000 feet and the beauty is incredible. Since there was some light rain this day, everything was emerald green and the air was incredibly clean and crisp. At one point, we came around a curve and started seeing the effects of the last forest fires on the Colorado mountain landscape and went for many miles before there were no burned trees. Even though this is an eerie sight, the signs of renewal are uplifting. To me it was symbolic of the hope we have in life through all of the tragedies we experience. New grass, seedling trees, families rebuilding out of love for the land and each other. Healing at it's best.

The day we went to Boulder we left in the morning even though our visit was not planned until early evening. We visited the city, had lunch in a great health food haunt then headed up the Mountain toward Nederland. This ride is along rushing water with towering rockfaced canyon walls on either side, reminiscient of the Big Thompson Canyon, but not so large. Nederland is about 30 miles in, but it takes about an hour to get there because of the winding roads and low speed limits. We spent our time in Nederland browsing through little shops and enjoying the local people, then spent a few minutes on the shores of the lake before we headed back down the hill. Still early for our reunion with friends, we drove out to Boulder Dam and enjoyed the scenery there for a while. I was wishing for a fishing pole and a few more hours to linger.

This was the only night that we were out really late without my daughter and her husband, so we got a good laugh when my cell phone rang at about 11:30 when we were on the way home and it was my daughter asking if we were alright! What a hoot. We drove 1500 miles to get there and she was worried about us getting back from Boulder. They say that parents and children reverse roles as the parents get older. I thought that meant about 30 or 40 years from now since I am only 58. God Bless her for loving us and thinking about our safety, even if it did make me smile.

On the way home we came south on 83 to I25, followed it out of Colorado over Raton Pass, then spent the night in Clayton, NM. Not recommended. This place is barren of just about everything, but we did manage to find one good breakfast spot. Later, we stopped to see Capulin Mountain Volcano in New Mexico, then traveled through the panhandle of Texas (much like eastern Kansas) southeast toward Pala Dura Canyon. We spent part of a day touring the Canyon and it was time well spent. I went to high school in Borger, Texas northeast of Amarillo and I remembered visiting Palo Dura as a child several times. It is magnificent terrain with more textures and color than I can describe here. The dirt is bright red with clay and it was our great fortune to be there in Spring because the wildflowers were rampant. I'm sure our cousins in New Jersey will be jealous when we send them pictures because this is one of their favorite things.

Our last stop was a planned visit to my cousin Bob's ranch near Mingus, Texas. This is the second time I've seen Bob in the last 30 years or so and it was like we had known each other well all of these years. We have so much common ground and his wife was a delight. This was a unique visit with a trip into Stephenville to an Italian restaurant for lunch and later a tour of the close in ranch land on golf cart and Mule (a small all terrain vehicle) which included cavorting in the field with his Angus Cattle and a single Texas Long Horn bull. Bob got out to pet the animals, but I thought foreigners might not be so welcome close up. Their pitbull/boxer mix and English Boxer pups came along for the field trip and conspired with us to get back to the ranch safely. We have an Eaves family reunion (cousins on my mother's side of my family) in August at his ranch and I am absolutely excited to go back. These are special people.

There's a lot more between the lines here. Laughter, tears, sorrow, happiness...the full range of emotions that happen whenever you connect with family. The details are too private and special to share here, but each of the individuals affected know the level of sharing in these times is deep and heartfelt. Whatever we take away from each other becomes a part of our future and strengthens our connection. When you see your family and friends, be sure to say the words that you know they long for...a simple I love you.

All's well that ends well. We are home now and dealing with the tasks that build up in a month away. Primarily reading old mail, weeding, cleaning up the dust that settles in a month and resting for the next adventure. We've already had an overnight visit from my cousins in Dallas, who we love dearly and they had to witness our disarray. We are still on vacation though, and you can find us floating peacefully in our association pool with noodles for support if we are missing in action. Use the cell phone number. lol

Life is good.

Paula

A Political Rant from an Apolitical American Woman

2005-05-09T14:37:00.000-05:00

Paula Roberts - May 2005 - Commentary

I can most often be described as apolitical, but I do have a set of core values that I believe in strongly, and I also have strong opinions on issues affecting the lives of the human community and our home, earth. The polarity of views put forth by political parties and the disgusting trail of promises unaccomplished, ethics unpracticed, wars unsubstantiated, healthcare unavailable and children unfed is just more mental garbage than I can bear most days. I am most certainly not a Republican; however, being registered as a Democrat is not always a badge of honor. There is no safe harbor in this arena.

All of this said I am also a Christian, patriot, believe in the underlying values of American living and do not take lightly the responsibility of being born in such a privileged and blessed country. Because of this, I am unable to escape the realities of how politics influence every niche of our existence. Nothing is sacred or untouched by congress, including the original rights guaranteed American Citizens by the Constitution. If you take a walk in your garden and look at the flowers, you can bet that there is a federal regulation somewhere on the books that regulates the flower seed, the water and the fertilizer. The point is, politics are never out of sight and no matter what our feelings may be about the practice of politics, we better make damn sure that they are never far out of mind either. Your future and your present circumstances are dependent on the policies and practices of your government.

Not a Republican, it follows that I am not enamored by Bush and Bushites either. Look at the record. Weapons of mass destruction? Where? Yet we are fully engaged militarily in a war that kills American Citizens and Iraqi nationals every single day. What is the real story about what happened to change our focus from Afghanistan and the global war on terror to sending thousands of troops into Iraq? I have no doubt that the American Troops are doing their best to assure a democratic system is continued in Iraq now that Sadam Hussein is captured and out of power. Is the price worth the result? Will Iraq embrace democracy when Americans withdraw or run out of money to support this war? When so much is being spent on Iraq, what about the American governments responsibility to Americans? What about the American responsibility to global politics and environmental issues? Focusing back to the core issue of our government, what about the governments fiscal responsibility to the citizens of the United States of America? I think that one of the unfortunate purposes engagement in a foreign war serves for politicians is to take the focus off of their domestic policies. God bless and keep our American Forces and their families while the politicians work this out.

My ongoing argument with the Republicans has always been their flagrant disregard for the human aspect of politics. Admittedly, Democrats can go overboard with funding of some pretty questionable small programs, but when Republicans get into office, you can bet there will be a wholesale beheading of federal programs for the disadvantaged. Their high-minded blather about family values seems to only apply to families above the poverty level. What viable set of political values turns a blind eye to the social ills of its own country while promoting laws to allow excessive profits for the wealthy and spending billions of dollars on wars with substantially unfounded motives and questionable outcomes for the global community? Is it possible that some of this money could be spent more appropriately to feed and clothe victims of this war and participate in global solutions to relieve their suffering? I'd like to know.

Since they are already on the table, let's look at some of the domestic issues for a moment. Healthcare is a long disputed and unresolved domestic issue. There is nothing democratic or fair about the healthcare system as it stands today. Our country should be shamed by the statistics of families without healthcare, seniors who are suffering or dying for lack of or inadequate care and all American citizens who are the victims of poor nutrition and the lack of facilities, medical practitioners and resources for adequate preventative care.

How about the Social Security contribution distribution issue? That is a political hot potato. Say you are a young mother and you have 2 children. You are divorced and living in a trailer park, you rent your parents basement or maybe you live in a rent by the week motel. You have 2 jobs and work 16 hours a day, none of which is overtime because it's two employers. You spend very little time with your children because theres not much time left after work. You make minimum wage. That is $4.85 an hour x 16 = $77.60 a day, which is $388.00 a week. You work 51 weeks out of the year and your greatest potential for income, if you are not sick and if your children are never sick and have no need for you to stay home from work with them, is $19, 788.00 for the year. You are very lucky and you find a neighbor/babysitter that will take $100 a week to take care of your children while you are at work. That leaves you $288 a week. You have a great deal on rent and you are only paying $150.00 a week. Your cash flow is down to $138.00. You are a very careful shopper and always cook at home, so you can feed your family for about $75.00 a week. Now you have $63.00 a week for utilities, phone, clothing, entertainment, healthcare (remember that at this level of employment, few employers provide health insurance). Wait a minute; you did not get all of that $388! About 12% was taken out for taxes and social security;l ets see 388 x .12 = $46.56. Gee, that leaves you with $16.44 a week for all of the necessities of life after rent and food. I guess we will have to forego the entertainment, healthcare, insurance and planning for the future, duh? And oops, the baby needs Pampers.

I will tell you what this young mother thinks about: she worries about how her children will get an education if they are not basketball wizards or a physics dynamo. She is terrified that someone will get sick or have an accident and the hospital will ask her for an insurance card. She wishes she could pay for insurance on her broken down car that her parents gave her so that she could drive legally. She's worried about coats and shoes when winter comes. She also wonders about the care her children are getting and how their values are being formed. Her angst is in the present.

In your wildest dreams, do you think that this young mother, while she is applying for ADA and taking the bus to pick up government rationed cheese, will think to herself; I am so relieved that I now have the privilege to invest ½ of my 6.2% payroll contribution (3.1% of $19,788.00=$613.43) in the stock market? Do you think that she believes that Social Security will save her in her retirement and that she will finally be able to take up golf and attend political dinners at $125 to thousands of dollars per plate? The premise is ridiculous, and the promise is an unethical tactic of epic proportion. Even with dollar cost averaging, $50 a month over 30 years will not ensure this womans retirement income, or the retirement income of most other Americans.

We hold out hope that this woman will see a brighter future. That she will be promoted and educated. That she will remain healthy and have the ability to provide adequately for her children and their future. However, we have the moral responsibility to see that things get better for her and the hundreds of thousands of people in our country who are in situations as desperate as or worse than hers. She is employed. What about the 6%+ of our employable adults who have no work? They do not even have the privilege of being taxed for social security. What about the percentage of our elderly population who have no savings, inadequate health care and nutrition, whose retirement consists of waiting in various government lines for the scant help we provide to the indigent in our country. What is the level of our moral responsibility to provide adequate care and proper respect for this aging population of the generations who cared for us in our youth?

If congress is going to fix social security, all of the options should be considered.

Maybe we should go to a sliding scale for social security deductions.
Maybe we should spend less on war and make a significant contribution to the welfare of future generations by committing to a government purchase of stocks using dollar cost averaging over the next 100 years and pay the profits back into the social security system with no loopholes for government spending of excess profits. The gains could be redistributed proportionally to social security recipients. This would boost our stock market, contribute to stabilizing our economy and leave the current contributions in the social security fund where they belong.
Maybe our government should pay back the loans they have taken from social security funds over the years to fund other programs, with interest.
Maybe the government should reconsider the impact a collapsed social security system would have on the economy.
Maybe lawmakers should be required to take a five year retreat where they are forced to live on minimum wage and provide for a family of 3 or more as a requirement for their job.

The math may not be perfect, but it's close enough to this woman's reality. With cutbacks that are currently being put into place, she doesn't have great prospects for collecting social security at the level that seniors do today, and even they are having a very hard time when Social Security is their only fall back income for retirement. She also will need a great deal of help deciding where to put her money into the stock market. Will the Republicans provide her with this help? Not likely.

Who do the politicians and investors think the shoppers are who keep Wal-Mart stock alive?

That is it for today.